witzend
Well-Known Member
I've been hi-jacking everyone's threads for far too long lately. I just can't figure out what to say, I guess, because nothing seems very urgent or pressing.
Update on M - and I may have related some of this so far.
While I was on my cruise, husband helped M move into a rented room in a house about 3 miles from home. Not a great neighborhood, but not the absolute worst, either. Just almost. Before I had left, M had called husband with the news that his girlfriend had given him a "move by" date. I told husband that we could give him a couple hundred bucks to help out getting a place, but we weren't taking any action, signing anything, and for now it was a one time only offer. And, the coup de gras, we only have one bed in our house - ours - and he can't move in with us. So, he helped M move and M came to the house while I was gone. husband told him that until he's got some miles on his big boy shoes, husband wouldn't be allowing him to be in contact with me, because he owed me more than an apology, he owed me maturity. husband also told him that M had hurt me, hurt husband, and nearly ruined our marriage and we weren't going to invest that much of ourselves in him again, or at least not at this point in time. I'm fine with that. My emotions about M are pretty flat at this point, and that's good.
Update on L -
She did get a job. Again. She's doing data entry for a company that processes paychecks and payments. That's fine. She is still seeing her old boyfriend but not living with him. She is also dating other men. I don't know and I don't want to know. We see her infrequently.
What's ticking me off is that she acts as though she is still 14 years old sometimes! husband's birthday was last week, he had to work late, I had a 7 O'Clock appointment and she texts me at 4:30. I knew I shouldn't have answered it. "What are you doing for husband's BD?" We didn't have formal plans, but she invited herself out to dinner with us. Long story short, she showed up half an hour late with her boss (whom we've never met) in tow without asking us. The kitchen was closed at that point and we had already ordered. We went to our favorite tiny expensive exclusive restaurant. He boss sat and talked on her cell phone to people about work. She didn't even excuse herself and step outside!
Then the woman monopolized the conversation all night! I mean, I get it that you might have to ask your boss (although I don't think that is what happened), but we were calling and texting "Where are you? We're ordering now!" and she could have answered her phone or called to ask. Not that we would have said no, although we might have, but I don't know because I wasn't given that opportunity!
Then on two different occasions she has come to my house for social functions, brought friends, shown up in advance, and expected food for her and her friends while I'm trying to set up. The first time she got defensive when I said they could reheat pizza. "But Mom, they're my company!" I plain told her "They're not my company, I wasn't expecting them I'm not stopping for you, and you all need to help out if you're showing up early. I'm tired and I have been working all day, and I need help" "Mom, don't start that!"
The more recent time, she showed up with a friend that I was expecting for bunco, and they both disappeared. I found them in my room. Not something I'm fond of because things go missing from my room. I don't think it's her, but I just don't like people hanging out in my room (it has a sitting room and such) when what they are at my home for is not taking place in my room. Nothing takes place in my room for anyone other than husband and I! So I went in there and asked what they were doing? Her friend was crying. Lauren says "We're busy, go away."
Excuse me? This is my room. I just looked at her and said in that special mom voice "L..." You know. With an extra octave or two for good measure. She says "We're talking about something private and it's not something for everyone to hear." I looked at her friend and said "Are you OK? Is there anything you need?" "I'm fine, thanks, no I don't need anything." I said "OK, well everyone is out in the other room, and you guys need to come out and join us." "Mom, (three syllables) don't be that way! You guys (you guys? She wanted to join the group!) aren't even playing yet." Me, in the MOM low soft voice "L..." "I know I know mom, We'll be right out!" Me: "You could be nice to me once in a while."
She's also demanded an i-pod for her birthday, and actually expects me to manage her i-tunes for her as well. She even asked me last week "So, should I go out and buy myself an i-pod this weekend, or should I wait until after my b-day?" I told her to wait. I also told her she had better get her computer working. The little brat. I hope she's happy with a shuffle. She won't be though. I'm sure she expects me to get her a Nano or a Classic. Fat chance. I got her a certificate for a massage and pedicure for Christmas and told her we needed to go spend a girl day together. I've asked twice, and she just doesn't have the time.
She needs to know that she's either a guest in my house, or a member of my house (or my dinner table), and either way she doesn't get to do that to me. She counts on it that she can bring people with her and I won't embarrass her in front of them. That won't last forever, though. But what really chafes my hide is that I sit here and stew about it, and she is such a master that she will successfully avoid talking to me one on one for another four months. Then she'll say "But that was so long ago, why are you always dwelling on unhappy stuff?"
Even though she has no compunction about being condescending to me in front of other people, I would never do it to her. She and I need to have a talk. We are not going to have an opportunity to do it for a while, although we will see her for her birthday before our vacation, that's not the appropriate time. I'm sure she's counting on that too.
And to top it off, husband has been childish about helping around the house and with the dogs, and I'm ticked at him and not looking forward to our vacation because all he ever wants to do is sit around. For two weeks! I swear, I'm going to go find someone fun to go out with down there and leave him to read his books by himself at night!
Update on M - and I may have related some of this so far.
While I was on my cruise, husband helped M move into a rented room in a house about 3 miles from home. Not a great neighborhood, but not the absolute worst, either. Just almost. Before I had left, M had called husband with the news that his girlfriend had given him a "move by" date. I told husband that we could give him a couple hundred bucks to help out getting a place, but we weren't taking any action, signing anything, and for now it was a one time only offer. And, the coup de gras, we only have one bed in our house - ours - and he can't move in with us. So, he helped M move and M came to the house while I was gone. husband told him that until he's got some miles on his big boy shoes, husband wouldn't be allowing him to be in contact with me, because he owed me more than an apology, he owed me maturity. husband also told him that M had hurt me, hurt husband, and nearly ruined our marriage and we weren't going to invest that much of ourselves in him again, or at least not at this point in time. I'm fine with that. My emotions about M are pretty flat at this point, and that's good.
Update on L -
She did get a job. Again. She's doing data entry for a company that processes paychecks and payments. That's fine. She is still seeing her old boyfriend but not living with him. She is also dating other men. I don't know and I don't want to know. We see her infrequently.
What's ticking me off is that she acts as though she is still 14 years old sometimes! husband's birthday was last week, he had to work late, I had a 7 O'Clock appointment and she texts me at 4:30. I knew I shouldn't have answered it. "What are you doing for husband's BD?" We didn't have formal plans, but she invited herself out to dinner with us. Long story short, she showed up half an hour late with her boss (whom we've never met) in tow without asking us. The kitchen was closed at that point and we had already ordered. We went to our favorite tiny expensive exclusive restaurant. He boss sat and talked on her cell phone to people about work. She didn't even excuse herself and step outside!
Then the woman monopolized the conversation all night! I mean, I get it that you might have to ask your boss (although I don't think that is what happened), but we were calling and texting "Where are you? We're ordering now!" and she could have answered her phone or called to ask. Not that we would have said no, although we might have, but I don't know because I wasn't given that opportunity!Then on two different occasions she has come to my house for social functions, brought friends, shown up in advance, and expected food for her and her friends while I'm trying to set up. The first time she got defensive when I said they could reheat pizza. "But Mom, they're my company!" I plain told her "They're not my company, I wasn't expecting them I'm not stopping for you, and you all need to help out if you're showing up early. I'm tired and I have been working all day, and I need help" "Mom, don't start that!"
The more recent time, she showed up with a friend that I was expecting for bunco, and they both disappeared. I found them in my room. Not something I'm fond of because things go missing from my room. I don't think it's her, but I just don't like people hanging out in my room (it has a sitting room and such) when what they are at my home for is not taking place in my room. Nothing takes place in my room for anyone other than husband and I! So I went in there and asked what they were doing? Her friend was crying. Lauren says "We're busy, go away."
Excuse me? This is my room. I just looked at her and said in that special mom voice "L..." You know. With an extra octave or two for good measure. She says "We're talking about something private and it's not something for everyone to hear." I looked at her friend and said "Are you OK? Is there anything you need?" "I'm fine, thanks, no I don't need anything." I said "OK, well everyone is out in the other room, and you guys need to come out and join us." "Mom, (three syllables) don't be that way! You guys (you guys? She wanted to join the group!) aren't even playing yet." Me, in the MOM low soft voice "L..." "I know I know mom, We'll be right out!" Me: "You could be nice to me once in a while."
She's also demanded an i-pod for her birthday, and actually expects me to manage her i-tunes for her as well. She even asked me last week "So, should I go out and buy myself an i-pod this weekend, or should I wait until after my b-day?" I told her to wait. I also told her she had better get her computer working. The little brat. I hope she's happy with a shuffle. She won't be though. I'm sure she expects me to get her a Nano or a Classic. Fat chance. I got her a certificate for a massage and pedicure for Christmas and told her we needed to go spend a girl day together. I've asked twice, and she just doesn't have the time.
She needs to know that she's either a guest in my house, or a member of my house (or my dinner table), and either way she doesn't get to do that to me. She counts on it that she can bring people with her and I won't embarrass her in front of them. That won't last forever, though. But what really chafes my hide is that I sit here and stew about it, and she is such a master that she will successfully avoid talking to me one on one for another four months. Then she'll say "But that was so long ago, why are you always dwelling on unhappy stuff?"
Even though she has no compunction about being condescending to me in front of other people, I would never do it to her. She and I need to have a talk. We are not going to have an opportunity to do it for a while, although we will see her for her birthday before our vacation, that's not the appropriate time. I'm sure she's counting on that too.
And to top it off, husband has been childish about helping around the house and with the dogs, and I'm ticked at him and not looking forward to our vacation because all he ever wants to do is sit around. For two weeks! I swear, I'm going to go find someone fun to go out with down there and leave him to read his books by himself at night!
