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Against all odds....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 754905" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear beebz</p><p></p><p>I think differently about this because of so many years working in prisons; about half the time or more in reception centers, where men would wait to be processed to fan out to prisons throughout the state where they would serve their time.</p><p></p><p>I am writing this because even in a maximum security prison, sitting there, waiting to go to trial is not so bad for most guys. In some of my jobs I would speak to 30 guys a day or more, exactly in this position. Some of them I'd spend an hour or two with them, to evaluate. I think I got a sense of what they were going through. Sometimes there was manipulation involved. I think I got a picture of how they felt. It wasn't so bad. Really.</p><p></p><p>The worst of it was this: Most of the guys seemed to stay in reception center close to 6 months. That means they are close to 24 hours a day in their cells, with time out only for medical reasons, for required classification activities and to go to "yard." Where I would work, the inmates ate in their cells, too.</p><p></p><p>As I look at this, I realize this description might scare you. I meant it to be reassuring. I don't know what is wrong with me.</p><p></p><p>What the typical inmate does in a cell over those months is read and have fun. Many read the bible. There are library carts that bring books. The men are raucous. They talk. They play, hoot and holler. They play cards. They do crafts.</p><p></p><p>After an initial adjustment period the stress is lower than you would think, unless there is a mismatch with a cellee. Your son strikes me as somebody who can hold his own. He seems like he's relatively easy-going and gets along with people. He sounds "street smart" so he's not going to act in ways that make him a target. All of this bodes well.</p><p></p><p> I can't speak to what jail is like, to whether or not there is greater freedom of movement or not.</p><p></p><p>This post is NOT to write a treatise on prison but to put forth what some of my own concerns would be. I do not have the same fear of prison or jail as do many people because I have spent so many years within them. I would worry more about your son being outside.</p><p></p><p>While he is inside he is largely protected. From other inmates and most importantly from himself. </p><p></p><p>He is an addict. To me, the likelihood he would relapse if he is on bail, has to be considered. Why? Because the addiction is in charge. Relapse is the default. Not to say that he won't in time recover but even with intention and effort relapse occurs. He will be under a lot of pressure. Pressure can be positive. It can be negative too.</p><p></p><p>You don't know how much his wanting to get out...has to do with drug seeking. I would guess a lot.</p><p></p><p>Then there is another factor. You.</p><p></p><p>This is a lot of pressure. A lot of "do or die." As I said earlier, while nobody can know just what will happen, I believe there is a reasonable likelihood that anybody, will relapse, at least once, even with intensive, good treatment.</p><p></p><p>Do you want to be, do you want him to be in this "do or die" place? While jail may feel horrible to you and to him, there are worse things. And his being out on bail does nothing to mitigate the real possibility of incarceration if he is convicted. Do you really want to risk this? If he is on bail, this opens up the possibility he may abscond, relapse, or even what Lil mentions, that it would call into question his legal defense.</p><p></p><p>I would not want you to be in a place where you would feel you'd have to withhold support in the future because your son "failed" at this. Failed is the wrong word. I am searching for a better word and can't find it.</p><p></p><p>Like others have said, and you have said, <em>nobody here gets a vote, except you.</em> And it could well be the right answer to get bail. I just don't know.</p><p></p><p>I'll say one more thing here. Your son clear as day did this offense. He says it. He did it. It is a true thing what you say, that he was vulnerable and essentially innocent. I might go further and say he was set up.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: that he is in jail and awaiting court is a natural consequence of his lifestyle, and his actions. Do you want to take this away? To make it go away? Is the consequence, some consequence, not part of the deal? I guess I would be doing what you're contemplating. I would start out all bluster and I would cave, real, real quick. (I just did, in the circumstance I'm living through.) But the penal system was not involved.</p><p></p><p>What your son is facing in my mind is a real gift. All of it. The time out from life. The space that's opened up for him to contemplate. The rude awakening. All of it. Do you want to take it away?</p><p></p><p>With all my heart I wish you and your son were not in this spot. But he is. And thus you are. Sometimes in life acceptance of the reality of things, makes sense. Just settling in. And feeling what is. This is what I think your son will benefit from. Settling into the reality of what his life has been, is at this moment and can be.</p><p></p><p>Please let me apologize for all of this. You did not ask me for what I think. You have my support. I would feel bad if I did not offer you my perspective. And for this, I say I'm sorry for overstepping.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 754905, member: 18958"] Dear beebz I think differently about this because of so many years working in prisons; about half the time or more in reception centers, where men would wait to be processed to fan out to prisons throughout the state where they would serve their time. I am writing this because even in a maximum security prison, sitting there, waiting to go to trial is not so bad for most guys. In some of my jobs I would speak to 30 guys a day or more, exactly in this position. Some of them I'd spend an hour or two with them, to evaluate. I think I got a sense of what they were going through. Sometimes there was manipulation involved. I think I got a picture of how they felt. It wasn't so bad. Really. The worst of it was this: Most of the guys seemed to stay in reception center close to 6 months. That means they are close to 24 hours a day in their cells, with time out only for medical reasons, for required classification activities and to go to "yard." Where I would work, the inmates ate in their cells, too. As I look at this, I realize this description might scare you. I meant it to be reassuring. I don't know what is wrong with me. What the typical inmate does in a cell over those months is read and have fun. Many read the bible. There are library carts that bring books. The men are raucous. They talk. They play, hoot and holler. They play cards. They do crafts. After an initial adjustment period the stress is lower than you would think, unless there is a mismatch with a cellee. Your son strikes me as somebody who can hold his own. He seems like he's relatively easy-going and gets along with people. He sounds "street smart" so he's not going to act in ways that make him a target. All of this bodes well. I can't speak to what jail is like, to whether or not there is greater freedom of movement or not. This post is NOT to write a treatise on prison but to put forth what some of my own concerns would be. I do not have the same fear of prison or jail as do many people because I have spent so many years within them. I would worry more about your son being outside. While he is inside he is largely protected. From other inmates and most importantly from himself. He is an addict. To me, the likelihood he would relapse if he is on bail, has to be considered. Why? Because the addiction is in charge. Relapse is the default. Not to say that he won't in time recover but even with intention and effort relapse occurs. He will be under a lot of pressure. Pressure can be positive. It can be negative too. You don't know how much his wanting to get out...has to do with drug seeking. I would guess a lot. Then there is another factor. You. This is a lot of pressure. A lot of "do or die." As I said earlier, while nobody can know just what will happen, I believe there is a reasonable likelihood that anybody, will relapse, at least once, even with intensive, good treatment. Do you want to be, do you want him to be in this "do or die" place? While jail may feel horrible to you and to him, there are worse things. And his being out on bail does nothing to mitigate the real possibility of incarceration if he is convicted. Do you really want to risk this? If he is on bail, this opens up the possibility he may abscond, relapse, or even what Lil mentions, that it would call into question his legal defense. I would not want you to be in a place where you would feel you'd have to withhold support in the future because your son "failed" at this. Failed is the wrong word. I am searching for a better word and can't find it. Like others have said, and you have said, [I]nobody here gets a vote, except you.[/I] And it could well be the right answer to get bail. I just don't know. I'll say one more thing here. Your son clear as day did this offense. He says it. He did it. It is a true thing what you say, that he was vulnerable and essentially innocent. I might go further and say he was set up. But the thing is this: that he is in jail and awaiting court is a natural consequence of his lifestyle, and his actions. Do you want to take this away? To make it go away? Is the consequence, some consequence, not part of the deal? I guess I would be doing what you're contemplating. I would start out all bluster and I would cave, real, real quick. (I just did, in the circumstance I'm living through.) But the penal system was not involved. What your son is facing in my mind is a real gift. All of it. The time out from life. The space that's opened up for him to contemplate. The rude awakening. All of it. Do you want to take it away? With all my heart I wish you and your son were not in this spot. But he is. And thus you are. Sometimes in life acceptance of the reality of things, makes sense. Just settling in. And feeling what is. This is what I think your son will benefit from. Settling into the reality of what his life has been, is at this moment and can be. Please let me apologize for all of this. You did not ask me for what I think. You have my support. I would feel bad if I did not offer you my perspective. And for this, I say I'm sorry for overstepping. [/QUOTE]
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