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Ahh...Christmas.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 745075" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We adopted a son with attachment disorder and he left us as if we had never loved or cared for him after he married. With a lot of therapy and learning about attachment disorder I went through each step of grief.</p><p></p><p> The final straw was when I did manage to see him and his wife one last time, after my grief was over.</p><p></p><p>He was a stranger by then and I barely knew his wife, but he handed me a vile list of things I had to adhere to in order to have the honor of seeing him.</p><p></p><p>One read through and I knew it was over. This person wasnt the six year old boy who had come from Asia. The handsome little guy we loved so much and had sewn into our hearts. The one we tried hard to embrace, with so much resistance from him.</p><p></p><p> He was a man now, an angry, cold man. Thank God for the therapy I had!</p><p></p><p>I was actually staying with my daughter for a vacation and I had asked her if she wanted to come with, but he had hurt her too much and she said no.</p><p></p><p>After the meeting with this young man and his wife, I said good bye and kissed him on the cheek. We were at his church. I turned and walked away and did not look back and was very certain that this was done. I was not depressed. This surprised me but I felt at peace.</p><p></p><p>On the way out I threw his list in a trash can. It had demands on it like "You can only see us at our church or a restaurant and you will pay your own bill" and "When you call, no more than once every three days, leave a message about why you want me to call you back or else I wont return call." It went on and on.</p><p></p><p>That was not a relationship. Not one I felt was worth it.</p><p></p><p>I drove to Daughter's home in peace and didnt tell my daugjter most details but she knew him well.</p><p></p><p>The next day we went to a waterpark with this daughter plus my youngest two and had great fun.</p><p></p><p>I have been very okay with what happened since then. I have four other kids I am close too and two grands. I not going to make time for a silly demeaning relationship with silly rules.</p><p></p><p> I believe the attachment disorder diagnosis which makes it very hard for him to care about anyone. Six years in an Asian orphanage....his formative years......we simply got him too late. Love cant cure all. If it could have he would have been more than cured.</p><p></p><p>He never called me but he had never called anyone even under the best of circumstances. I did not try again.</p><p></p><p> Ever.</p><p></p><p>I am not telling you to do this but its what I did. I want normal relationships with my.kids and sadly this one was unable to even be decent.</p><p></p><p>You have to decide what you can handle and therapy helped.me so much. I think its a good starting point.</p><p></p><p> Your son, for different reasons, may also be unable to have a normal relationship with you. At least for now. You need to decide how much of him is okay. Please dont let him make you sick. Do you have other kids?</p><p></p><p>Much love and light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 745075, member: 1550"] We adopted a son with attachment disorder and he left us as if we had never loved or cared for him after he married. With a lot of therapy and learning about attachment disorder I went through each step of grief. The final straw was when I did manage to see him and his wife one last time, after my grief was over. He was a stranger by then and I barely knew his wife, but he handed me a vile list of things I had to adhere to in order to have the honor of seeing him. One read through and I knew it was over. This person wasnt the six year old boy who had come from Asia. The handsome little guy we loved so much and had sewn into our hearts. The one we tried hard to embrace, with so much resistance from him. He was a man now, an angry, cold man. Thank God for the therapy I had! I was actually staying with my daughter for a vacation and I had asked her if she wanted to come with, but he had hurt her too much and she said no. After the meeting with this young man and his wife, I said good bye and kissed him on the cheek. We were at his church. I turned and walked away and did not look back and was very certain that this was done. I was not depressed. This surprised me but I felt at peace. On the way out I threw his list in a trash can. It had demands on it like "You can only see us at our church or a restaurant and you will pay your own bill" and "When you call, no more than once every three days, leave a message about why you want me to call you back or else I wont return call." It went on and on. That was not a relationship. Not one I felt was worth it. I drove to Daughter's home in peace and didnt tell my daugjter most details but she knew him well. The next day we went to a waterpark with this daughter plus my youngest two and had great fun. I have been very okay with what happened since then. I have four other kids I am close too and two grands. I not going to make time for a silly demeaning relationship with silly rules. I believe the attachment disorder diagnosis which makes it very hard for him to care about anyone. Six years in an Asian orphanage....his formative years......we simply got him too late. Love cant cure all. If it could have he would have been more than cured. He never called me but he had never called anyone even under the best of circumstances. I did not try again. Ever. I am not telling you to do this but its what I did. I want normal relationships with my.kids and sadly this one was unable to even be decent. You have to decide what you can handle and therapy helped.me so much. I think its a good starting point. Your son, for different reasons, may also be unable to have a normal relationship with you. At least for now. You need to decide how much of him is okay. Please dont let him make you sick. Do you have other kids? Much love and light. [/QUOTE]
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