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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752306" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>It is the experience of most alcoholics that the first sip is wonderful. Not the taste necessarily, but the effect it has on the body and mind. You see, as alcoholics we are bit ok with ourselves . That is why we drink initially. Alcohol is not our problem. Alcohol is the solution . I felt not good enough , that I couldn't fit in, couldn't measure up, couldn't compete. I drank because alcohol seemed to initially fill the holes I had inside of me. Alcohol changes (temporarily) how I feel about myself. I can suddenly talk to boys where before I was too shy to do that .I feel like everyone is my friend. I finally fit. It's an illusion, of course . Alcohol takes over and becomes our Master. </p><p></p><p>I drank because of my relationship with myself. Not because of past pain even though I used that as an excuse with myself and others. Bars are full of people blaming their Mothers or Fathers or whomever. But , for me, ultimately, I drank because I didn't like myself. My relationship to myself was also a reflection of my relationship with a Higher Power (none) and a reflection of my relationship with others (judgemental, resentful, critical) . </p><p></p><p>I also want more as soon as alcohol enters my body. I blacked out the first time I drank and I always drank to blackout. Woke up in places not remembering how I got there next to people I didn't know, wouldn't know where my car was .I was reckless with my life . More is the name of the game. We say "One is too many and 1000 is never enough".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752306, member: 24254"] It is the experience of most alcoholics that the first sip is wonderful. Not the taste necessarily, but the effect it has on the body and mind. You see, as alcoholics we are bit ok with ourselves . That is why we drink initially. Alcohol is not our problem. Alcohol is the solution . I felt not good enough , that I couldn't fit in, couldn't measure up, couldn't compete. I drank because alcohol seemed to initially fill the holes I had inside of me. Alcohol changes (temporarily) how I feel about myself. I can suddenly talk to boys where before I was too shy to do that .I feel like everyone is my friend. I finally fit. It's an illusion, of course . Alcohol takes over and becomes our Master. I drank because of my relationship with myself. Not because of past pain even though I used that as an excuse with myself and others. Bars are full of people blaming their Mothers or Fathers or whomever. But , for me, ultimately, I drank because I didn't like myself. My relationship to myself was also a reflection of my relationship with a Higher Power (none) and a reflection of my relationship with others (judgemental, resentful, critical) . I also want more as soon as alcohol enters my body. I blacked out the first time I drank and I always drank to blackout. Woke up in places not remembering how I got there next to people I didn't know, wouldn't know where my car was .I was reckless with my life . More is the name of the game. We say "One is too many and 1000 is never enough". [/QUOTE]
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