Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Almost There
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 671830" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Carolita, it is very hard to navigate when we change the rules of the game. </p><p></p><p>You are experiencing that. Is what we </p><p>plan to do right? Enough? Too much? </p><p></p><p>Will what do or don't do make him do something bad? Will he get worse? Will it be our fault? Is the devil we know better than the devil we don't know? Is he really sick? Is it drugs? Is it mental illness? How much of it is one or the other? </p><p></p><p>And the big one: will he die? How will o survive if he does? Will it be my/our fault because we didn't help him or force him or say the right words or do the right things or wait long enough?</p><p></p><p>I don't know the extent of your son's functionality? Can he function if he were to stop using substances? Are there other problems that render him unable to think for himself, to hold down some kind of job or to apply for disability and apply for services to help himself?</p><p></p><p>I know these may be questions you wrestle with. In my case, my son acted and sounded just like you describe. We would have sit down conversations in the living room trying to help him and figure things out. He would sit slouched down in the chair, hoody over his head, yes and no answers. Everything was somebody else's fault. He offered nothing to the conversation. We pushed and questioned and offered ideas and...nothing. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. He was as helpless as a newborn baby about his own life. I had no preparation for this and I could not get it. We would end up yelling at him and the whole thing would fall apart.</p><p></p><p>I think what we were seeing the intersection of addiction, immaturity, anxiety, depression and our own enabling. But some will say and still do...it was all addiction. </p><p></p><p>Carolita, is what you have done working? Has your helping helped? Can you keep on as you are? Can you manage your own emotions---very real emotions---of fear, grief, love, shame, guilt, uncertainty---the awful not knowing? </p><p></p><p>Can you start somewhere and set boundaries and take a chance on change? </p><p></p><p>This is very hard stuff and it is the hardest Self-work you will ever do in your life. You will have to change a lot. You will have to find support for yourself for this change because there will be many challenges from him. People who we enable don't like this at all. We are taking their safety net away. </p><p></p><p>You are scared of course you are. </p><p></p><p>If it helps YOU make a list of resources and give it to them. That helped me a lot and i did that multiple times. Later I would find those lists crumpled and torn in his backpack. Nothing written on them and no evidence of any use. That helped me too, seeing that, for the next time. </p><p></p><p>We know how hard this is. It brought me to my knees literally and that was good for me. I have changed a lot throughout this process. </p><p></p><p>We are here for you. No matter what you decide to do. We understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 671830, member: 17542"] Carolita, it is very hard to navigate when we change the rules of the game. You are experiencing that. Is what we plan to do right? Enough? Too much? Will what do or don't do make him do something bad? Will he get worse? Will it be our fault? Is the devil we know better than the devil we don't know? Is he really sick? Is it drugs? Is it mental illness? How much of it is one or the other? And the big one: will he die? How will o survive if he does? Will it be my/our fault because we didn't help him or force him or say the right words or do the right things or wait long enough? I don't know the extent of your son's functionality? Can he function if he were to stop using substances? Are there other problems that render him unable to think for himself, to hold down some kind of job or to apply for disability and apply for services to help himself? I know these may be questions you wrestle with. In my case, my son acted and sounded just like you describe. We would have sit down conversations in the living room trying to help him and figure things out. He would sit slouched down in the chair, hoody over his head, yes and no answers. Everything was somebody else's fault. He offered nothing to the conversation. We pushed and questioned and offered ideas and...nothing. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. He was as helpless as a newborn baby about his own life. I had no preparation for this and I could not get it. We would end up yelling at him and the whole thing would fall apart. I think what we were seeing the intersection of addiction, immaturity, anxiety, depression and our own enabling. But some will say and still do...it was all addiction. Carolita, is what you have done working? Has your helping helped? Can you keep on as you are? Can you manage your own emotions---very real emotions---of fear, grief, love, shame, guilt, uncertainty---the awful not knowing? Can you start somewhere and set boundaries and take a chance on change? This is very hard stuff and it is the hardest Self-work you will ever do in your life. You will have to change a lot. You will have to find support for yourself for this change because there will be many challenges from him. People who we enable don't like this at all. We are taking their safety net away. You are scared of course you are. If it helps YOU make a list of resources and give it to them. That helped me a lot and i did that multiple times. Later I would find those lists crumpled and torn in his backpack. Nothing written on them and no evidence of any use. That helped me too, seeing that, for the next time. We know how hard this is. It brought me to my knees literally and that was good for me. I have changed a lot throughout this process. We are here for you. No matter what you decide to do. We understand. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Almost There
Top