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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672055" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Carolita,</p><p>I hope you are feeling better and that you have had some rest. A racing heart is a scary thing, I am glad you were able to treat it, and be released the same day. My Mom has this problem and ended up on medication. She also has to watch her diet, no caffeine, limited chocolate. That would be hard for me, I love chocolate.</p><p> Guilt is a horrible phase to go through when our d cs travel their path. I hope you are able to work through this Carolita. I do not think there is anything we could do, or could have done to prevent the journey our children are on. Looking back, I did make mistakes that my two will focus on in their blaming me for their life's choices. Of course I made mistakes, we all do! </p><p>I fell in to that guilt trap, and it kept me enabling, this guilt, that if I had done this, or that, it would be different. It sets us to a bargaining with ourselves and our d cs addiction. Guilt sets us on a parallel path with them, we have bought in to their story that convinces them, that we are to blame for their misery.</p><p>We are not Carolita.</p><p>They are making choices. The blame they throw at us keeps them from looking in the mirror, and keeps us seeing them as little children, which keeps us enabling.</p><p>I hope you do not visit guilt often, it is a fruitless endeavor. We are all imperfect humans and make mistakes.</p><p></p><p> How terrible for your friend, and for you to have to see this so clearly as an end result. I have that in the back of my mind, but do not choose to look at it often. Life is a precious thing, it can be snatched away from any of us in an instant. We are all aware of this, but to think of that possibility often, is not to live.</p><p></p><p> I am very sorry that you lost your brother this way. It is cruel for your son to say such a thing. I am reminded of posts talking of such and the advice to call authorities when suicide threats are made. It is taken very seriously. If your son mentions this again, I hope there is a way for you to get in touch with local police, and report it.</p><p></p><p> I am glad that you were able to have a good ending to a difficult day Carolita, sunsets are spectacular paintings from above, are they not? There is something magnificent in a beautiful sunset, like a promise.</p><p></p><p> Sitting around worrying does not help. I hope you do go and relax and breathe Carolita.</p><p></p><p> I think we do punish ourselves, Apple. And we must stop that. It does no good. It is important to take care of ourselves, we cannot give from empty.</p><p></p><p> I know this paralysis, it is grief in what has been lost. We all go through a grieving phase with our d cs. It is deep and dark and keeps us from moving. It is not healthy. We need to have our lives, and to see our future, and to take steps to make it happen. In this, we are showing our d cs, that a bright future is possible. Going down with their ship does not help them see that. By strengthening ourselves and taking care of ourselves, we show our d cs through our actions, that this is important, to live a good, joyful, healthy, mindful life. To be present in all things.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Ah, poor sleep. This is my goal Carolita, to sleep better. We must replenish our minds and bodies with adequate rest. I am glad you know what causes your condition, now you must work at the solution.</p><p> I think this is a good idea. What will you do Carolita, to rebuild yourself and replace that fearfulness?</p><p>It is hard to imagine our d cs as homeless, but it is really consequences of their actions. My daughter has drifted in and out of homelessness for about two years now. Others will tell you, they network together. And there is help out there, for the homeless.</p><p>I would be more fearful of what would happen to her if she didn't learn to care for herself. I will not be on this planet forever, and do not have money to leave behind that will take care of her for the rest of her life. She must learn to fend for herself, as your son must learn.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing Carolita, for your son. You are giving him his wings, and they work. He will not be happy with you, about these changes you have made. But it is the right thing.</p><p></p><p>I hope you will feel better, and have an enjoyable time with your husband. You both have given so much. Now is the time to reset your focus on you. It is not a selfish thing to find ways to love yourself, to take better care of yourself. It is the best example you could give your son of living true.</p><p></p><p>Take care Carolita. Take some time to breathe. Please take care of your health.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672055, member: 19522"] Hi Carolita, I hope you are feeling better and that you have had some rest. A racing heart is a scary thing, I am glad you were able to treat it, and be released the same day. My Mom has this problem and ended up on medication. She also has to watch her diet, no caffeine, limited chocolate. That would be hard for me, I love chocolate. Guilt is a horrible phase to go through when our d cs travel their path. I hope you are able to work through this Carolita. I do not think there is anything we could do, or could have done to prevent the journey our children are on. Looking back, I did make mistakes that my two will focus on in their blaming me for their life's choices. Of course I made mistakes, we all do! I fell in to that guilt trap, and it kept me enabling, this guilt, that if I had done this, or that, it would be different. It sets us to a bargaining with ourselves and our d cs addiction. Guilt sets us on a parallel path with them, we have bought in to their story that convinces them, that we are to blame for their misery. We are not Carolita. They are making choices. The blame they throw at us keeps them from looking in the mirror, and keeps us seeing them as little children, which keeps us enabling. I hope you do not visit guilt often, it is a fruitless endeavor. We are all imperfect humans and make mistakes. How terrible for your friend, and for you to have to see this so clearly as an end result. I have that in the back of my mind, but do not choose to look at it often. Life is a precious thing, it can be snatched away from any of us in an instant. We are all aware of this, but to think of that possibility often, is not to live. I am very sorry that you lost your brother this way. It is cruel for your son to say such a thing. I am reminded of posts talking of such and the advice to call authorities when suicide threats are made. It is taken very seriously. If your son mentions this again, I hope there is a way for you to get in touch with local police, and report it. I am glad that you were able to have a good ending to a difficult day Carolita, sunsets are spectacular paintings from above, are they not? There is something magnificent in a beautiful sunset, like a promise. Sitting around worrying does not help. I hope you do go and relax and breathe Carolita. I think we do punish ourselves, Apple. And we must stop that. It does no good. It is important to take care of ourselves, we cannot give from empty. I know this paralysis, it is grief in what has been lost. We all go through a grieving phase with our d cs. It is deep and dark and keeps us from moving. It is not healthy. We need to have our lives, and to see our future, and to take steps to make it happen. In this, we are showing our d cs, that a bright future is possible. Going down with their ship does not help them see that. By strengthening ourselves and taking care of ourselves, we show our d cs through our actions, that this is important, to live a good, joyful, healthy, mindful life. To be present in all things. Ah, poor sleep. This is my goal Carolita, to sleep better. We must replenish our minds and bodies with adequate rest. I am glad you know what causes your condition, now you must work at the solution. I think this is a good idea. What will you do Carolita, to rebuild yourself and replace that fearfulness? It is hard to imagine our d cs as homeless, but it is really consequences of their actions. My daughter has drifted in and out of homelessness for about two years now. Others will tell you, they network together. And there is help out there, for the homeless. I would be more fearful of what would happen to her if she didn't learn to care for herself. I will not be on this planet forever, and do not have money to leave behind that will take care of her for the rest of her life. She must learn to fend for herself, as your son must learn. You are doing the right thing Carolita, for your son. You are giving him his wings, and they work. He will not be happy with you, about these changes you have made. But it is the right thing. I hope you will feel better, and have an enjoyable time with your husband. You both have given so much. Now is the time to reset your focus on you. It is not a selfish thing to find ways to love yourself, to take better care of yourself. It is the best example you could give your son of living true. Take care Carolita. Take some time to breathe. Please take care of your health. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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