Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Always At Their Mercy - Nothing is Black and White
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750818" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I like everything that Eliza writes. I think if you do these things, every single thing she writes, the recordkeeping, the boundaries, the police, the CPS, you will feel more power and less fear. I know that you are afraid. That you feel that she holds the power. But that is a feeling *as well as a fact. She needs to understand and accept that her behavior has consequences. There are risks for her too. If she pushes the limits, she risks losing her baby altogether.</p><p></p><p>She made one good choice, giving you joint guardianship. That means she is capable of making other choices in her interest and that of her child. There has to be on your part, I think, the effort to engage with her on this level. The expectation that she will decide and act responsibly. Right now, your very reasonable expectation is that she will act poorly, badly, irresponsibly--without consideration or care. By setting boundaries with consequences, you invert that. You expect her to be reasonable and responsible. If she is not, it is unacceptable.</p><p></p><p>This will take courage and resolve. You will be afraid. I would be too. But you are afraid now. And this way is not working. She is rewarded by bad behavior. This is why she is doing worse and worse things, without stop....</p><p></p><p>I don't know if the correct thing to do is wait for a mediator or not. Or wait to see and discuss this with the lawyer or not. But there have to be ground rules for her. Right now it is 100 percent your responsibility with zero accountability for her. In turn for your responsibility she can take over your home, household, emotional lives, sense of integrity and everything else. This is wrong on so many levels. </p><p></p><p>I would try to think of some basic needs <em>for you, for your home, for your family, with the baby. That are inviolable.</em> And I would think about, in advance, what you will do if each of these are breached. Maybe use this thread or another to hash them out with us. Maybe, if you want, you can discuss it with the attorney.</p><p></p><p>You do have power here. And she does have responsibility. The question is how to put this in place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750818, member: 18958"] I like everything that Eliza writes. I think if you do these things, every single thing she writes, the recordkeeping, the boundaries, the police, the CPS, you will feel more power and less fear. I know that you are afraid. That you feel that she holds the power. But that is a feeling *as well as a fact. She needs to understand and accept that her behavior has consequences. There are risks for her too. If she pushes the limits, she risks losing her baby altogether. She made one good choice, giving you joint guardianship. That means she is capable of making other choices in her interest and that of her child. There has to be on your part, I think, the effort to engage with her on this level. The expectation that she will decide and act responsibly. Right now, your very reasonable expectation is that she will act poorly, badly, irresponsibly--without consideration or care. By setting boundaries with consequences, you invert that. You expect her to be reasonable and responsible. If she is not, it is unacceptable. This will take courage and resolve. You will be afraid. I would be too. But you are afraid now. And this way is not working. She is rewarded by bad behavior. This is why she is doing worse and worse things, without stop.... I don't know if the correct thing to do is wait for a mediator or not. Or wait to see and discuss this with the lawyer or not. But there have to be ground rules for her. Right now it is 100 percent your responsibility with zero accountability for her. In turn for your responsibility she can take over your home, household, emotional lives, sense of integrity and everything else. This is wrong on so many levels. I would try to think of some basic needs [I]for you, for your home, for your family, with the baby. That are inviolable.[/I] And I would think about, in advance, what you will do if each of these are breached. Maybe use this thread or another to hash them out with us. Maybe, if you want, you can discuss it with the attorney. You do have power here. And she does have responsibility. The question is how to put this in place. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Always At Their Mercy - Nothing is Black and White
Top