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Parent Emeritus
Always At Their Mercy - Nothing is Black and White
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<blockquote data-quote="ChickPea" data-source="post: 750848" data-attributes="member: 24089"><p>You're sweet. And don't worry about being hard on me. I appreciate all thoughts and feedback. It's all good. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="❤️" title="Red heart :heart:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/2764.png" data-shortname=":heart:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He is awesome and <em>very</em> loved! He's doing everything a baby should be doing; a very extremely happy child (happier than my own were, I think). Which makes it all more bittersweet, I guess.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, it helps, thank you. As much as I feel like having a catfight with her, or shunning her, or ignoring her... I do love her, and I do think that somewhere in there is a good person. I'm not sure if she has the capability to dig inside and find that person now or possibly ever, however. She has been so stuck in her criminal, pathological thinking and substance abuse (since she was early teens) that I do believe it would take her some very intense behavioral counseling, drugs, and hard(hardhard) work on her part to be able to remain steady and productive without terrorizing the people around her.</p><p></p><p>You are right - she diverts the extreme pain she is having. When she's in a moment of lucidity, she tells me her regrets, and she admits her mind is a tangled mash of issues and thoughts she'd rather not think about. Her poor choices have left a lot of scars on herself and the people around her, however. And she continues with those choices. But the other great spans of time are filled with trickery, diversions, blabla... and they are <em>horrifically</em> toxic to the people around her and agonizingly unbearable.</p><p></p><p>Very sad.</p><p></p><p>When she was pregnant, she was sober for the most part, and was more enjoyable to be around. I had a bit of hope (or I tricked myself into hoping, don't know). But she still exhibited similar behaviors (dry drunk).</p><p></p><p>You guys are reminding me that I can not change her behaviors, predict the future, or change the past. I can only set my own boundaries and control my own actions in the here and now. I very much appreciate that. I just pray and hope that this little person is put in the position to have the best chance in having a good life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ChickPea, post: 750848, member: 24089"] You're sweet. And don't worry about being hard on me. I appreciate all thoughts and feedback. It's all good. ❤️ He is awesome and [I]very[/I] loved! He's doing everything a baby should be doing; a very extremely happy child (happier than my own were, I think). Which makes it all more bittersweet, I guess. Yes, it helps, thank you. As much as I feel like having a catfight with her, or shunning her, or ignoring her... I do love her, and I do think that somewhere in there is a good person. I'm not sure if she has the capability to dig inside and find that person now or possibly ever, however. She has been so stuck in her criminal, pathological thinking and substance abuse (since she was early teens) that I do believe it would take her some very intense behavioral counseling, drugs, and hard(hardhard) work on her part to be able to remain steady and productive without terrorizing the people around her. You are right - she diverts the extreme pain she is having. When she's in a moment of lucidity, she tells me her regrets, and she admits her mind is a tangled mash of issues and thoughts she'd rather not think about. Her poor choices have left a lot of scars on herself and the people around her, however. And she continues with those choices. But the other great spans of time are filled with trickery, diversions, blabla... and they are [I]horrifically[/I] toxic to the people around her and agonizingly unbearable. Very sad. When she was pregnant, she was sober for the most part, and was more enjoyable to be around. I had a bit of hope (or I tricked myself into hoping, don't know). But she still exhibited similar behaviors (dry drunk). You guys are reminding me that I can not change her behaviors, predict the future, or change the past. I can only set my own boundaries and control my own actions in the here and now. I very much appreciate that. I just pray and hope that this little person is put in the position to have the best chance in having a good life. [/QUOTE]
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Always At Their Mercy - Nothing is Black and White
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