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Am I a (Censored) Person/Parent?
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 750354" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Albatross</p><p></p><p>Good for you!! NO it does not make you a shi*thank you person or parent!! I felt the same wonderful relief when we sent our son to Florida to sober living three years ago. I was so traumatized by him and his behaviors I felt like I was losing my grip on life in general. I wished so bad to be free of the pain I was in that death felt like a good escape BUT I have a wonderful husband and 2 other sons and friends and good health and many blessings. However this pain brought me to my knees and I couldn't appreciate my other blessings. </p><p></p><p>I continued to be in therapy while he was gone and working on myself. He continued to flail. I felt the son I knew was gone and I did not know if "he" would ever return. I did not like nor want to be around the person he had become. I wanted him to just go away. Maybe forever. I learned through a few therapists (one would leave and I'd pick up where we left off) that I needed to love and care for myself. That my son would do as he would do and that did not mean I didn't have a vicious love for him. I had just put up some walls to protect "me".</p><p></p><p>I continued to pray so hard during this time and think of him constantly. Sometimes I wouldn't think of him at all. Just.because.I.couldn't.</p><p></p><p>He is back now and doing much better but I have PTSD. We don't talk much about what happened. He doesn't get the impact it had on me and my husband but mainly me. He has made comments that I disowned him. I guess I did. I would do it again if the pain starts again because that is what I have to do and that is okay.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 750354, member: 15032"] Albatross Good for you!! NO it does not make you a shi*thank you person or parent!! I felt the same wonderful relief when we sent our son to Florida to sober living three years ago. I was so traumatized by him and his behaviors I felt like I was losing my grip on life in general. I wished so bad to be free of the pain I was in that death felt like a good escape BUT I have a wonderful husband and 2 other sons and friends and good health and many blessings. However this pain brought me to my knees and I couldn't appreciate my other blessings. I continued to be in therapy while he was gone and working on myself. He continued to flail. I felt the son I knew was gone and I did not know if "he" would ever return. I did not like nor want to be around the person he had become. I wanted him to just go away. Maybe forever. I learned through a few therapists (one would leave and I'd pick up where we left off) that I needed to love and care for myself. That my son would do as he would do and that did not mean I didn't have a vicious love for him. I had just put up some walls to protect "me". I continued to pray so hard during this time and think of him constantly. Sometimes I wouldn't think of him at all. Just.because.I.couldn't. He is back now and doing much better but I have PTSD. We don't talk much about what happened. He doesn't get the impact it had on me and my husband but mainly me. He has made comments that I disowned him. I guess I did. I would do it again if the pain starts again because that is what I have to do and that is okay. [/QUOTE]
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