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Substance Abuse
Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="MissJuneBug" data-source="post: 727158" data-attributes="member: 21628"><p>I also don’t post here much though I keep up with the forum. Since my son took an accidental overdose of a prescription muscle relaxer given to him by his psychiatrist (who specializes in addictions!) in May, I have been researching our next step. He completed a PHP and did well. No drug use or relapses since May. He attends 2 weekly Smart Recovery meetings plus meets weekly with both a licensed professional counselor and a psychologist. Despite being sober and finally graduating from college, he can’t seem to get any traction in moving on with his life. His current drug of choice is his iPhone and video games. We know that the fact he is living at home is keeping him ‘stuck’. We’ve even offered to pay for an apartment and his living expenses for 3 months while he looks for a job. Nope, he can’t even muster the energy to do that. This was a very accomplished young man until he hit an obstacle in his life and fell apart.</p><p></p><p>He will be heading off to a 3 month residential treatment center in the next week. After that, he will be going to a supervised young adult transition program. There they will help him move on with his life. He will NOT be coming home to live ever again. I would be surprised if your son’s current program doesn’t nix the idea of him returning home. It is considered a step backwards for young adults with these problems. Normal kids who are at home in between school, jobs, etc is one thing but for our kids it is not a good idea. Too easy for them to settle back into being a child. Even a year long program isn’t enough to stop them from regressing. He needs to experience ‘real life’ without his parents. As someone stated above, a functioning adult has no desire to live with their parents. The fact that he wants to may mean he is still not confident he can take care of himself. The only way to gain confidence is too jump into the deep end and swim. I suspect that is why your son’s current program has them working and banking the money - so they can move forward independent of their parents. This is one of the hardest things for a parent to deal with but at some point you need to sever the ties that bind him to you as a dependent and form a new bond with him as a self-sufficient, independent adult. Most kids do this naturally. Unfortunately, this probably will not happen for any of our kids as long as they are living with their parents. The best thing you can do for your son is to let him know you have full confidence he can make it on his own. Any hint of fear or anxiety or hestitation on your part just reinforces the idea he is right to want to live in the safety of his parent’s home. I see now where I contributed mightily to my son’s issues by not having confidence he could take care of his own life. Just my humble opinion. This isn’t easy for any of us! Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissJuneBug, post: 727158, member: 21628"] I also don’t post here much though I keep up with the forum. Since my son took an accidental overdose of a prescription muscle relaxer given to him by his psychiatrist (who specializes in addictions!) in May, I have been researching our next step. He completed a PHP and did well. No drug use or relapses since May. He attends 2 weekly Smart Recovery meetings plus meets weekly with both a licensed professional counselor and a psychologist. Despite being sober and finally graduating from college, he can’t seem to get any traction in moving on with his life. His current drug of choice is his iPhone and video games. We know that the fact he is living at home is keeping him ‘stuck’. We’ve even offered to pay for an apartment and his living expenses for 3 months while he looks for a job. Nope, he can’t even muster the energy to do that. This was a very accomplished young man until he hit an obstacle in his life and fell apart. He will be heading off to a 3 month residential treatment center in the next week. After that, he will be going to a supervised young adult transition program. There they will help him move on with his life. He will NOT be coming home to live ever again. I would be surprised if your son’s current program doesn’t nix the idea of him returning home. It is considered a step backwards for young adults with these problems. Normal kids who are at home in between school, jobs, etc is one thing but for our kids it is not a good idea. Too easy for them to settle back into being a child. Even a year long program isn’t enough to stop them from regressing. He needs to experience ‘real life’ without his parents. As someone stated above, a functioning adult has no desire to live with their parents. The fact that he wants to may mean he is still not confident he can take care of himself. The only way to gain confidence is too jump into the deep end and swim. I suspect that is why your son’s current program has them working and banking the money - so they can move forward independent of their parents. This is one of the hardest things for a parent to deal with but at some point you need to sever the ties that bind him to you as a dependent and form a new bond with him as a self-sufficient, independent adult. Most kids do this naturally. Unfortunately, this probably will not happen for any of our kids as long as they are living with their parents. The best thing you can do for your son is to let him know you have full confidence he can make it on his own. Any hint of fear or anxiety or hestitation on your part just reinforces the idea he is right to want to live in the safety of his parent’s home. I see now where I contributed mightily to my son’s issues by not having confidence he could take care of his own life. Just my humble opinion. This isn’t easy for any of us! Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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