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Am I in Hell?
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<blockquote data-quote="mommajen" data-source="post: 689435" data-attributes="member: 20399"><p>I just came upon this site and I don't know if you are still checking this post. I did want to say that we have a 12 year old that we adopted internationally at the age of 11 months and he clearly has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I don't think Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is researched enough to say definitively that a child with a stable environment during the first few years can't have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). The drastic changes that come along because of adoption and the additional emotional issues can cause stress and throw our children into deep emotional turmoil. I don't have answers about how to help a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and I don't know or think that's all we're dealing with. We have been diagnosed with so many things over the years, from autism spectrum to adhd to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) to tourettes and that's just a drop in the bucket. We've had to do several hospitals stays and seen so very many professionals along the way. The books I read have totally different tips than they did 9 years ago when we realized we had a problem. In the end, I have no advise other than to say that your feelings and emotions are normal and expected and frankly, mild compared to what I think sometimes. But you are her momma in the same way that you would be if you bore her naturally. The frustration you feel would momentarily vanish if you could see a healthy glimpse of her. I've seen those in our son (though they were often because he was playing up the charm to manipulate us into getting his way) and they are what keeps me going. That, and the knowledge that while I don't feel lovey dovey towards him, I get to show him true, unconditional love. And in your case (as well as mine) that love might come in the form of a police call or a trip to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The line for me, is if he tries to hurt us, I'll call the police (not happened). If he tries to run away, I'll call the police (has happened). I won't physically restrain him (he's too big for that) and if he threatens to hurt himself or us I'll take him to a treatment facility (happened). If he begins to yell and throw a temper tantrum we take him to nana and poppys so our other kids have a peaceful home. If he begins destroying items we call friends for backup (he stops when we have company because of embarrassment). If I am in doubt that my other children are at peace and taken care of, I make adjustments such as take them on a vacation or spend one on one time with them (even at the expense of spending time with my adopted child who gets much more one on one time anyway).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mommajen, post: 689435, member: 20399"] I just came upon this site and I don't know if you are still checking this post. I did want to say that we have a 12 year old that we adopted internationally at the age of 11 months and he clearly has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I don't think Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is researched enough to say definitively that a child with a stable environment during the first few years can't have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). The drastic changes that come along because of adoption and the additional emotional issues can cause stress and throw our children into deep emotional turmoil. I don't have answers about how to help a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and I don't know or think that's all we're dealing with. We have been diagnosed with so many things over the years, from autism spectrum to adhd to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) to tourettes and that's just a drop in the bucket. We've had to do several hospitals stays and seen so very many professionals along the way. The books I read have totally different tips than they did 9 years ago when we realized we had a problem. In the end, I have no advise other than to say that your feelings and emotions are normal and expected and frankly, mild compared to what I think sometimes. But you are her momma in the same way that you would be if you bore her naturally. The frustration you feel would momentarily vanish if you could see a healthy glimpse of her. I've seen those in our son (though they were often because he was playing up the charm to manipulate us into getting his way) and they are what keeps me going. That, and the knowledge that while I don't feel lovey dovey towards him, I get to show him true, unconditional love. And in your case (as well as mine) that love might come in the form of a police call or a trip to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The line for me, is if he tries to hurt us, I'll call the police (not happened). If he tries to run away, I'll call the police (has happened). I won't physically restrain him (he's too big for that) and if he threatens to hurt himself or us I'll take him to a treatment facility (happened). If he begins to yell and throw a temper tantrum we take him to nana and poppys so our other kids have a peaceful home. If he begins destroying items we call friends for backup (he stops when we have company because of embarrassment). If I am in doubt that my other children are at peace and taken care of, I make adjustments such as take them on a vacation or spend one on one time with them (even at the expense of spending time with my adopted child who gets much more one on one time anyway). [/QUOTE]
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