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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 766347" data-attributes="member: 22597">Nandina, I read your post yesterday morning just before I had to leave for work and didn't have time to respond.  I have a few minutes now, so I will respond now.  by the way, I live in Georgia, so I'm not too, too far away from you. First, I want to tell you how my heart grieves for the loss of your son.  I know those are only words and the loss is too great for words, but that's all I can offer you, to tell you how very sorry I am.   People are uncomfortable around sickness and death, and sometimes they do avoid other people because of that. They don't mean to hurt the other person; they just don't know what to say or do. I know because I have felt this way myself.   But it is painful. It feels as though they are negating the existence of the person you have lost, and that hurts. Yes, speaking for myself, I do want to hear from people who have experienced what every one of us here fears--the death of our son or daughter.   I need to know that if the worst happens, that there are those who have survived it and how they survived it. I have yet another missing person's report out on our son.  I pray for him throughout the day, and I wonder everyday if he is alive. I live "bracing for impact," so to speak, knowing that at any time, we could get the phone call. Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate universe, alongside people who are living in the "normal" universe.  Speaking of your sister reminds me of mine.  Two years ago, our son, Josh, was with us for four months, detoxing off of fentanyl, before ultimately returning to Phoenix and relapsing, becoming homeless, etc.   My relationship with my sister at that time was fairly good. We had, I thought, carved out a relationship where I thought we cared for one another, although I knew that my sister was somewhat self-centered about her own life. At that time, I was willing to accept that she would always be that way.  But during that four month period, which was hard, I rarely heard from her, and when she did contact me, she would ask a few obligatory questions and then revert back to talking about her life, her kids, her grandkids, her health...etc.   I came to the decision that I was tired of doing the "heavy lifting" in the relationship and that it was too much. She was not there for me, after I had been there for her during some difficult times.  So I just stopped making any effort. It changed our relationship, and now we have no contact. It saddens me because I would love to have a sister with whom I could be close to, but she is not capable of seeing beyond herself and I just can't handle the narcissism anymore. I'm so glad you have that kind of relationship with your cousin.  Those are the kind of people who are so rare and so wonderful to have in our lives.  I'm also glad that you continue to come to the site to offer any encouragement and wisdom to others here. Please continue.</blockquote>

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