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...and it all falls apart.
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 700587" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I can't say I agree with this. I absolutely want to him to grow up. I WANT him to be his own man - the man I raised him to be. I WANT him to use his damn brain, the ONE thing he apparently got from me, instead of just NOT THINKING. I DO, however, want to keep connected, of course. Not with apron strings, but with loving emotions.</p><p></p><p>What one of us really doesn't want to have a loving bond with their children?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>VERY immature. No doubt.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>None, nada, zilch. Nor did he pay any attention when I mentioned, "Craigslist has people with room shares for $200/mo." or "There is a shelter, but it may be full, you should check right away." or "Be frugal. VERY frugal. You can do this but you have to watch the money." or "Denver is a huge city and more expensive, but the youth hostel is about $35 a night and you'd meet other people your age."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He was never really alone. He was in a shelter for a time, and J was there too. He was with a girlfriend or relatives or friends. So he's never been really on his own.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My ex was his biological father. I am quite aware that this is almost a phobia for me. But having lost both my parents with no ability to say goodbye, and then having him suicide after I refused his collect call, I have a very deep seated fear that if I don't answer the phone, at least send a text, I will never see him again. It will be my one and only last chance and I will have blown it.</p><p></p><p>I understand it is irrational, but I have not been able to overcome it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course it did. Especially since he'd already asked earlier in the day for me to pay for another night. But he was pretty desperate and frankly, the $55 was a small price to pay for a night's sleep. </p><p></p><p>If he does it again tonight, I will tell him to sleep under a bridge. The more I think about him running thru the money so quickly the angrier I get. I suspect he spend a good chunk - at least a couple hundred - on weed. If he chose that over shelter, his choice. I'm equally sure he ordered pizza and ate fast food over and over, rather than buying bread and peanut butter and chips and other things that don't need cooking. So now he's broke. He can't be the only homeless person in that city. He'll figure it out.</p><p></p><p>Wow, it's SO EASY to say that in the daytime when he's not calling and sobbing on the phone. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 700587, member: 17309"] I can't say I agree with this. I absolutely want to him to grow up. I WANT him to be his own man - the man I raised him to be. I WANT him to use his damn brain, the ONE thing he apparently got from me, instead of just NOT THINKING. I DO, however, want to keep connected, of course. Not with apron strings, but with loving emotions. What one of us really doesn't want to have a loving bond with their children? VERY immature. No doubt. None, nada, zilch. Nor did he pay any attention when I mentioned, "Craigslist has people with room shares for $200/mo." or "There is a shelter, but it may be full, you should check right away." or "Be frugal. VERY frugal. You can do this but you have to watch the money." or "Denver is a huge city and more expensive, but the youth hostel is about $35 a night and you'd meet other people your age." He was never really alone. He was in a shelter for a time, and J was there too. He was with a girlfriend or relatives or friends. So he's never been really on his own. My ex was his biological father. I am quite aware that this is almost a phobia for me. But having lost both my parents with no ability to say goodbye, and then having him suicide after I refused his collect call, I have a very deep seated fear that if I don't answer the phone, at least send a text, I will never see him again. It will be my one and only last chance and I will have blown it. I understand it is irrational, but I have not been able to overcome it. Of course it did. Especially since he'd already asked earlier in the day for me to pay for another night. But he was pretty desperate and frankly, the $55 was a small price to pay for a night's sleep. If he does it again tonight, I will tell him to sleep under a bridge. The more I think about him running thru the money so quickly the angrier I get. I suspect he spend a good chunk - at least a couple hundred - on weed. If he chose that over shelter, his choice. I'm equally sure he ordered pizza and ate fast food over and over, rather than buying bread and peanut butter and chips and other things that don't need cooking. So now he's broke. He can't be the only homeless person in that city. He'll figure it out. Wow, it's SO EASY to say that in the daytime when he's not calling and sobbing on the phone. :( [/QUOTE]
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