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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 706530" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>Thanks, Copa. Oddly enough I had never thought of father in law as a narcissist. He was, though. And you are correct in that he despised me. He actually despised everyone - all family members. The only person he did not despise was Tina who was actually only brother in law's friend. She said brother in law was like a brother to her. Tina bent to his will. She did everything that he asked her to do because she was devastated by my brother in law's suicide. She acted as his executor, she found homes for all his animals, she cleaned out his townhouse and sold it, and she even, bless her, cleaned up the mess he made through his death. Were I walking in her shoes, I never would have taken all that on. </p><p></p><p>I had a conversation with father in law's brother about Tina. He didn't understand the love that father in law had for Tina either. It totally makes sense in this context. She did everything he asked her to do no matter what. I have never done that. </p><p></p><p>I never mentioned the plaque either. Two years ago, father in law commissioned his church to hang a gigantic plaque on their wall commemorating his two sons. We had to trek down to the church for a whole ceremony involving the donation of this plaque. My father in law had to pay big bucks for this. I gave thought to speaking to him against it as I knew that both my late husband AND my late brother in law would have absolutely hated the idea of this damn plaque hanging in the church. Neither of them was religious. Luckily, I understood that to ask him not to do it was pointless, so there it hangs in perpetuity. A sad monument from a man to his sons whom he did not truly know.</p><p></p><p>Copa, the passages you quoted actually helped me with the ongoing situation I am in with the Cactus Queen, my step-mother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 706530, member: 11832"] Thanks, Copa. Oddly enough I had never thought of father in law as a narcissist. He was, though. And you are correct in that he despised me. He actually despised everyone - all family members. The only person he did not despise was Tina who was actually only brother in law's friend. She said brother in law was like a brother to her. Tina bent to his will. She did everything that he asked her to do because she was devastated by my brother in law's suicide. She acted as his executor, she found homes for all his animals, she cleaned out his townhouse and sold it, and she even, bless her, cleaned up the mess he made through his death. Were I walking in her shoes, I never would have taken all that on. I had a conversation with father in law's brother about Tina. He didn't understand the love that father in law had for Tina either. It totally makes sense in this context. She did everything he asked her to do no matter what. I have never done that. I never mentioned the plaque either. Two years ago, father in law commissioned his church to hang a gigantic plaque on their wall commemorating his two sons. We had to trek down to the church for a whole ceremony involving the donation of this plaque. My father in law had to pay big bucks for this. I gave thought to speaking to him against it as I knew that both my late husband AND my late brother in law would have absolutely hated the idea of this damn plaque hanging in the church. Neither of them was religious. Luckily, I understood that to ask him not to do it was pointless, so there it hangs in perpetuity. A sad monument from a man to his sons whom he did not truly know. Copa, the passages you quoted actually helped me with the ongoing situation I am in with the Cactus Queen, my step-mother. [/QUOTE]
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