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Parent Emeritus
Another development, another update. Oy.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 615921" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Wow. What an update. </p><p></p><p>What jumps out at me Cedar, is this: Once we stop stepping in for every single issue our kids have, as we detach and deal with our own responses to the most recent problems, life evolves for our difficult child kids.............things happen and options open up......................not to say we are completely removed, but our help is limited, they are the ones who should be seeking options, answers and solutions since they are the ones who put it all in play in the first place. It appears to me, as you and husband step back, other options present themselves. I do believe that once WE stop BEING AN OPTION for our kids, they find other means and other means find them.</p><p></p><p>As this newest development evolves, you and husband may be observers who are there to listen and advise, provide understanding and support while difficult child daughter and difficult child granddaughter figure it out for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I think it was wise and appropriate for you to say no to granddaughter.........this is the age that all acting out occurs and will continue for a few more years. If you took her now, all of that acting out will be falsely directed at YOU. <em>I've been there done that and it AIN'T pretty</em>. You did the right thing. As you and husband stop providing all the answers other answers will be provided by other means. Good for you for stepping out. I know it has it's terrible moments. But it is the right and appropriate response.</p><p></p><p>I like the staying at the shelter plan more because now that difficult child granddaughter has moved into difficult child status, difficult child daughter may pull out of her own GFGness to help her own daughter through this time............. and she would be better off doing that if she were on her own so she could develop the skill set to take care of herself and her daughter now............without you making it easier for her.</p><p></p><p>Plans may continue changing daily for awhile until the dust settles and as difficult child daughter and granddaughter get used to you and husband not saving them at each step of the way. As that happens I think difficult child daughter will gain strength and find her own way. But, you have to stay out of her way. And, it sounds as if you are. Good job.</p><p></p><p>While you are staying the course, don't forget to have fun, dance, play, enjoy, laugh, nurture yourselves, do your yoga, meditate, walk, run, goof off and just BE. It's your life Cedar, difficult child daughter and granddaughter are doing their lives now................go have some fun with husband!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 615921, member: 13542"] Wow. What an update. What jumps out at me Cedar, is this: Once we stop stepping in for every single issue our kids have, as we detach and deal with our own responses to the most recent problems, life evolves for our difficult child kids.............things happen and options open up......................not to say we are completely removed, but our help is limited, they are the ones who should be seeking options, answers and solutions since they are the ones who put it all in play in the first place. It appears to me, as you and husband step back, other options present themselves. I do believe that once WE stop BEING AN OPTION for our kids, they find other means and other means find them. As this newest development evolves, you and husband may be observers who are there to listen and advise, provide understanding and support while difficult child daughter and difficult child granddaughter figure it out for themselves. I think it was wise and appropriate for you to say no to granddaughter.........this is the age that all acting out occurs and will continue for a few more years. If you took her now, all of that acting out will be falsely directed at YOU. [I]I've been there done that and it AIN'T pretty[/I]. You did the right thing. As you and husband stop providing all the answers other answers will be provided by other means. Good for you for stepping out. I know it has it's terrible moments. But it is the right and appropriate response. I like the staying at the shelter plan more because now that difficult child granddaughter has moved into difficult child status, difficult child daughter may pull out of her own GFGness to help her own daughter through this time............. and she would be better off doing that if she were on her own so she could develop the skill set to take care of herself and her daughter now............without you making it easier for her. Plans may continue changing daily for awhile until the dust settles and as difficult child daughter and granddaughter get used to you and husband not saving them at each step of the way. As that happens I think difficult child daughter will gain strength and find her own way. But, you have to stay out of her way. And, it sounds as if you are. Good job. While you are staying the course, don't forget to have fun, dance, play, enjoy, laugh, nurture yourselves, do your yoga, meditate, walk, run, goof off and just BE. It's your life Cedar, difficult child daughter and granddaughter are doing their lives now................go have some fun with husband!! [/QUOTE]
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