Cedar, I like that you said, "we have been fortunate," I feel that way too. It gives me great comfort and brings on such gratitude that I (we) stuck it out, through the really, really difficult times, to arrive in a place of acceptance. Whew!
I am equally aware that any old rug can be pulled out from underneath me at any time, and yet, the knowledge that I can trust myself to handle whatever comes along (in an entirely different manner) is very important and very comforting. My older friend mentioned to me the other day that when you become "comfortable within yourself", everything changes.........I believe she is right.
I have to commend you Cedar in your unending willingness to uncover whatever it took to release the patterns within yourself that have kept you in an unhealthy connection with your kids. You really have done an exemplary job and you've shown remarkable courage and commitment. I hope someday your kids wake up to see just what you went through so that they could be free too.
Greenrene, I love your dreams! I completely agree with your therapist too, this is YOUR year. Well, count me in to be one of the ones on the sidelines in your first dream cheering you on, approving BIG TIME and acknowledging just how beautifully your brush strokes in fact, are. The second dream sounds like your mother painted herself into a corner! And, YOU got to see the real truth of who she is. Cool.
Greenrene, I never wanted to be like my mother either........as I look back I don't think I was ever like her in any important way.........in many ways the exact opposite.........but so much of my driving internal force was to NEVER be ANYTHING like her AT ALL. Well, as I got older, there really were some okay parts of her which I kind of threw out with my initial judgement............I think once I started really healing, I could balance it all in a healthier way..........not so black and white...........I am clearly not like her but I have some similar traits that are healthy and I did inherit them from her........so I had to revise that a bit and realize in some ways it was okay to be like her..............I think I have much more of a capacity to love and be loved then she had...........and now when I look at her I feel sad for her, she missed the really good parts of life, the connections, the relationships, the intimacy and closeness, through her own fears, she kept herself away from LOVE. In my opinion, that ends up being the most important part for us humans, that sense of belonging, of being loved...........I wanted that and I worked hard towards that.
I think we are fortunate to have developed the initiative to heal our "mother wounds"..........if they go unhealed, we would've ended up being much like them in serious ways, and often it would be out of our awareness that we had taken on those traits........so we really dodged some bullets! Good for us!!
