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Another explosive tantrum
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<blockquote data-quote="Roxona" data-source="post: 682721" data-attributes="member: 19076"><p>We have two types of "write-ups" that come home. The first one is the daily behavior report which tells us how he did in class that day. His teacher is responsible for assigning the punishment or consequence. We only discuss what happened and how he could have done it differently the next time...so no additional punishment. </p><p></p><p>The other one is a pink slip write-up which we see 1-2 times per month. This is for more egregious behavior where the school is notifying us of what happened and leaving any correction for us to handle. Generally, my husband and I discuss what happened over the phone out of earshot of SS10, he decides what the correction should be, and then he discusses it with SS10. </p><p></p><p>I used to parent his kids a lot because my husband wasn't parenting/doing anything about the behaviors. It was causing me a tremendous amount of stress, and because his dad and I haven't always been a united front, SS10 thinks I'm the wicked witch of the west with all the rules. A year or so ago, I got fed up and told my husband he needed to parent his children or our marriage wasn't going to work. He's been working hard on it ever since, and it does reduce my stress somewhat to not always be involved.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't know that giving me POA is necessarily a good thing. That would give Dad even more reason to throw his head in the sand and ignore the problem.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have tried all of these things many times with no effect.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>His problem isn't that he lacks enthusiasm for different activities. He would love to do everything you mentioned, but his behavior makes it difficult to do anything with him. I've tried cooking with him, and gardening and playing games and going places and having tv movie night. Every single time he turns it into a chaotic fight fest. And you're right, he doesn't have a lot of friends. He's been so hard on all the kids in our neighborhood that no one wants to play with him. In fact, they are starting to retaliate against him. Last week all the kids circled him on their bikes and spit on him! This was in retaliation because he spit on one of their friends on the bus that week.</p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p>Going to bed after dinner means you go to bed. No tv, computer, games, toys, reading. Nothing. Dinner time varies slightly, so usally it means he goes to bed 30 - 60 minutes earlier than his normal bedtime.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Nothing helps him behave better the next day. He often does not go to sleep until after mid-night even though he goes to bed at 8pm, reads until 8:30 pm and then lights out. He sits up there and stews on whatever is making him have anxiety. He gets up multiple times to tell his dad "one more thing" or that he has some mystery illness and needs medicine. He reads using his night light. He plays with his toys. Some times he's not awake when I get him up for school. Most of the time he's up at the crack of dawn.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is what I am used to with J. J rarely got in serious trouble at school. When he stole, I made him admit his crime to the store manager and then carry a see through backpack for a year. When he hurt someone, I had him write apology notes. When he drew a map from the school to our house with marker on the school sidewalk, I made him scrub the sidewalk until most of the marker gone and write an apology note to the principal. Never did I have to deal with the issues I am faced with and ill-equipped to deal with now.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My approach has been to send him to his room for a time out to cool off. He just views it as a punishment. I wait 5-10 minutes or until he stops screaming, and then, when he's calm, try to discuss the situation with him. His dad will sit in there for hours while the boy screams at him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I asked my husband if he called children's today. He said he left a message this afternoon. Bio mom died from cancer 3 years ago, so it will be up to me to push him harder.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Roxona, post: 682721, member: 19076"] We have two types of "write-ups" that come home. The first one is the daily behavior report which tells us how he did in class that day. His teacher is responsible for assigning the punishment or consequence. We only discuss what happened and how he could have done it differently the next time...so no additional punishment. The other one is a pink slip write-up which we see 1-2 times per month. This is for more egregious behavior where the school is notifying us of what happened and leaving any correction for us to handle. Generally, my husband and I discuss what happened over the phone out of earshot of SS10, he decides what the correction should be, and then he discusses it with SS10. I used to parent his kids a lot because my husband wasn't parenting/doing anything about the behaviors. It was causing me a tremendous amount of stress, and because his dad and I haven't always been a united front, SS10 thinks I'm the wicked witch of the west with all the rules. A year or so ago, I got fed up and told my husband he needed to parent his children or our marriage wasn't going to work. He's been working hard on it ever since, and it does reduce my stress somewhat to not always be involved. I don't know that giving me POA is necessarily a good thing. That would give Dad even more reason to throw his head in the sand and ignore the problem. I have tried all of these things many times with no effect. His problem isn't that he lacks enthusiasm for different activities. He would love to do everything you mentioned, but his behavior makes it difficult to do anything with him. I've tried cooking with him, and gardening and playing games and going places and having tv movie night. Every single time he turns it into a chaotic fight fest. And you're right, he doesn't have a lot of friends. He's been so hard on all the kids in our neighborhood that no one wants to play with him. In fact, they are starting to retaliate against him. Last week all the kids circled him on their bikes and spit on him! This was in retaliation because he spit on one of their friends on the bus that week. Going to bed after dinner means you go to bed. No tv, computer, games, toys, reading. Nothing. Dinner time varies slightly, so usally it means he goes to bed 30 - 60 minutes earlier than his normal bedtime. Nothing helps him behave better the next day. He often does not go to sleep until after mid-night even though he goes to bed at 8pm, reads until 8:30 pm and then lights out. He sits up there and stews on whatever is making him have anxiety. He gets up multiple times to tell his dad "one more thing" or that he has some mystery illness and needs medicine. He reads using his night light. He plays with his toys. Some times he's not awake when I get him up for school. Most of the time he's up at the crack of dawn. This is what I am used to with J. J rarely got in serious trouble at school. When he stole, I made him admit his crime to the store manager and then carry a see through backpack for a year. When he hurt someone, I had him write apology notes. When he drew a map from the school to our house with marker on the school sidewalk, I made him scrub the sidewalk until most of the marker gone and write an apology note to the principal. Never did I have to deal with the issues I am faced with and ill-equipped to deal with now. My approach has been to send him to his room for a time out to cool off. He just views it as a punishment. I wait 5-10 minutes or until he stops screaming, and then, when he's calm, try to discuss the situation with him. His dad will sit in there for hours while the boy screams at him. I asked my husband if he called children's today. He said he left a message this afternoon. Bio mom died from cancer 3 years ago, so it will be up to me to push him harder. [/QUOTE]
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