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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766543" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Beta. M who I live with has a younger brother probably in his 50's who lives in Mexico with their mother (about 96) and other family. Lolo was an extremely enterprising teen until he began to sniff glue and paint and destroyed his brain. He has been psychotic and very regressed for many years. Why am I telling you this? Because periodically Lolo runs away. This time he has not returned. It's been a couple of weeks. Today M told me that his mother has decided that Lolo has died and the only thing now is to find his remains. (There is no objective reason to believe this. Lolo has left before, never this long, but has always returned. So far.) M's mother is a wonderful woman, a saint. She has been through everything in the world that is hard for a woman and mother to go through. Yet. She cannot bear this. In order to give herself a little bit of solace, she has declared Lolo dead. It is unbearable even to type these words.</p><p></p><p>They have called everywhere. Prisons. Hospitals. The morgue. She cannot bear more. This mother is just done. She's got no more suffering in her.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking about my Joseph and I don't know what I would do in this mother's position. How I could bear no news, day after day after day. I want to tell you to free yourself. But yesterday I was on the train coming home talking to a very nice lady I will never see again, and I told her about my Joseph and how I have found a way to free myself from the constant, unrelenting pain. She said, "you've moved on."</p><p></p><p>I said, no, I can't ever move on, but what I have found is a way to put the pain on the back burner most of the time. When I remember I feel pain. But much of the time it is not in the forefront of my brain. I live for myself now. But still, I don't know what it would be for me if I feared Joseph would never call or come home again. I just don't know. I don't want to know. </p><p></p><p>I feel that we resist putting our suffering on the back burner. It does not help our children. We have to find a way each of us to live without being destroyed. I believe G-d wants us to be whole.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766543, member: 18958"] Hi Beta. M who I live with has a younger brother probably in his 50's who lives in Mexico with their mother (about 96) and other family. Lolo was an extremely enterprising teen until he began to sniff glue and paint and destroyed his brain. He has been psychotic and very regressed for many years. Why am I telling you this? Because periodically Lolo runs away. This time he has not returned. It's been a couple of weeks. Today M told me that his mother has decided that Lolo has died and the only thing now is to find his remains. (There is no objective reason to believe this. Lolo has left before, never this long, but has always returned. So far.) M's mother is a wonderful woman, a saint. She has been through everything in the world that is hard for a woman and mother to go through. Yet. She cannot bear this. In order to give herself a little bit of solace, she has declared Lolo dead. It is unbearable even to type these words. They have called everywhere. Prisons. Hospitals. The morgue. She cannot bear more. This mother is just done. She's got no more suffering in her. I am thinking about my Joseph and I don't know what I would do in this mother's position. How I could bear no news, day after day after day. I want to tell you to free yourself. But yesterday I was on the train coming home talking to a very nice lady I will never see again, and I told her about my Joseph and how I have found a way to free myself from the constant, unrelenting pain. She said, "you've moved on." I said, no, I can't ever move on, but what I have found is a way to put the pain on the back burner most of the time. When I remember I feel pain. But much of the time it is not in the forefront of my brain. I live for myself now. But still, I don't know what it would be for me if I feared Joseph would never call or come home again. I just don't know. I don't want to know. I feel that we resist putting our suffering on the back burner. It does not help our children. We have to find a way each of us to live without being destroyed. I believe G-d wants us to be whole. [/QUOTE]
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