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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 739814" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi guys, thanks so much for your heartfelt replies.</p><p></p><p>That’s the thing, I have been this object for so long, in her mind. Even if I did everything she wanted, it still wouldn’t be enough. It’s like a never ending bottomless pit of wants. What kind of relationship can be made with that?</p><p></p><p>I am surprisingly not angry, just sad, for her. I know that growth doesn’t happen when one refuses to look inward. I don’t know if she is responding to my letter or before she received it, I wrote of how much I loved her and hoped she would forgive my mistakes as a parent, not for me, but for her so she could move forward. Sigh. My granddaughter wrote to her as well, asking her to stop being mad, stop using drugs, of how she longed to be together as a family. I suppose Tornado thinks I instigated this, but it was from her little girls heart, so I sent it along with photos she requested.</p><p> I don’t know if I will respond or not, Copa. I will pray on it.</p><p>I think for now, I will borrow from you and Cedar and put her in the motorcycle basket.....</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /></p><p></p><p>My youngest daughter talked about her sisters version of “unconditional love” as a selfish “I can do anything I want and you still have to be there for me.” That she won’t hear what anyone has to say, there is no conversation with her, just her lopsided perspective. If anyone says anything contrary to what she wants to hear, she just shouts over them. Her world revolves around her.</p><p></p><p>It is a dry addict I am dealing with....Or not? I realize that people in jail can get drugs if they want to. People have talked about crooked guards in our system, bringing in drugs. She has been in there since July. Still sounds all over the place in her thought processing. Obviously very miserable. Too bad. Make better choices. No, we are not visiting you. </p><p>My focus is on where it should be, my son. Every single weekend is packed with activities. I am not taking off of work for her court case. I can’t afford to.</p><p> Yes, it is easier to blame us. I feel my two are stuck at 13. I am lowering the age. Used to be 16.</p><p> I have a few more photos that I printed for her that I intend to send with a short note. I don’t think I am ready to go no contact, for my sake. Not that I want to be anybody’s whipping post. I am not going to respond to her ranting. It is a toddlers tantrum. In fact, I think I will completely ignore it. </p><p>I don’t think my daughter has it within her at this point to be empathetic. She has been for quite some time, just, <em>wild</em>. Recovering wrote of this as <em>feral</em>. I think that sums it up. Just unable to put herself in other people’s shoes. I don’t think she views me as a person, with feelings. </p><p> Hubs was seriously ill a few times before he passed, bouts with Sepsis, twice recovered. During this time, both of our two were spiraling downwards. His illness did not faze them. It is too tawdry to even recount. They used him. He was soft on them, I was the “bad” guy, refusing to house them, done with the chaos. When he was hospitalized for the last time, they both did not visit until it was too late. I am sure deep down inside they grieve his passing. In fact, Tornado uses his loss as an excuse for her actions. I wrote to her that he would not want us to fall apart over his death, that he worked hard for his family to rise above the poverty he lived in. He wanted better for his kids. </p><p>On the eve of scattering his ashes, she invited her cronies over to our home, and a drunken brawl ensued with her boyfriend ending up attacking her. Yup. Beyond Jerry Springer. My stomach turns writing that.</p><p>Huh! Funny you should mention that, her birthday is coming up, she will be 30, 30 years old, guys. Does hallmark make cards for incarcerated adult d c’s? </p><p>Okay that’s not funny, but it kind of is.</p><p></p><p>When does this turn a corner? Geez, hubs cousins are in their late 70s, housing their 50 year old meth addicted son. He recently had a stroke, due to meth use. Not going there. Can’t see myself living through the craziness of that. </p><p></p><p>The thing is, I have to maintain my own dignity through this, regardless of her response and ranting. I am not quite sure yet what that entails. One thing for sure, I have time to think about it, and she sure as heck does. Not dropping anything to run to the rescue.</p><p></p><p>On another note, the city is closing out parks in the area that Rain frequents. I am thinking since Tornado took a swing at me, I will probably be hearing from Rain.</p><p>It’s like a tag team.</p><p>Oh boy.</p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite10" alt=":oops:" title="Oops! :oops:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":oops:" /></p><p>Thank you again ladies. Your help and kindness is a huge hug of understanding. I appreciate that more than you will ever know.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 739814, member: 19522"] Hi guys, thanks so much for your heartfelt replies. That’s the thing, I have been this object for so long, in her mind. Even if I did everything she wanted, it still wouldn’t be enough. It’s like a never ending bottomless pit of wants. What kind of relationship can be made with that? I am surprisingly not angry, just sad, for her. I know that growth doesn’t happen when one refuses to look inward. I don’t know if she is responding to my letter or before she received it, I wrote of how much I loved her and hoped she would forgive my mistakes as a parent, not for me, but for her so she could move forward. Sigh. My granddaughter wrote to her as well, asking her to stop being mad, stop using drugs, of how she longed to be together as a family. I suppose Tornado thinks I instigated this, but it was from her little girls heart, so I sent it along with photos she requested. I don’t know if I will respond or not, Copa. I will pray on it. I think for now, I will borrow from you and Cedar and put her in the motorcycle basket..... :mcsmiley1: My youngest daughter talked about her sisters version of “unconditional love” as a selfish “I can do anything I want and you still have to be there for me.” That she won’t hear what anyone has to say, there is no conversation with her, just her lopsided perspective. If anyone says anything contrary to what she wants to hear, she just shouts over them. Her world revolves around her. It is a dry addict I am dealing with....Or not? I realize that people in jail can get drugs if they want to. People have talked about crooked guards in our system, bringing in drugs. She has been in there since July. Still sounds all over the place in her thought processing. Obviously very miserable. Too bad. Make better choices. No, we are not visiting you. My focus is on where it should be, my son. Every single weekend is packed with activities. I am not taking off of work for her court case. I can’t afford to. Yes, it is easier to blame us. I feel my two are stuck at 13. I am lowering the age. Used to be 16. I have a few more photos that I printed for her that I intend to send with a short note. I don’t think I am ready to go no contact, for my sake. Not that I want to be anybody’s whipping post. I am not going to respond to her ranting. It is a toddlers tantrum. In fact, I think I will completely ignore it. I don’t think my daughter has it within her at this point to be empathetic. She has been for quite some time, just, [I]wild[/I]. Recovering wrote of this as [I]feral[/I]. I think that sums it up. Just unable to put herself in other people’s shoes. I don’t think she views me as a person, with feelings. Hubs was seriously ill a few times before he passed, bouts with Sepsis, twice recovered. During this time, both of our two were spiraling downwards. His illness did not faze them. It is too tawdry to even recount. They used him. He was soft on them, I was the “bad” guy, refusing to house them, done with the chaos. When he was hospitalized for the last time, they both did not visit until it was too late. I am sure deep down inside they grieve his passing. In fact, Tornado uses his loss as an excuse for her actions. I wrote to her that he would not want us to fall apart over his death, that he worked hard for his family to rise above the poverty he lived in. He wanted better for his kids. On the eve of scattering his ashes, she invited her cronies over to our home, and a drunken brawl ensued with her boyfriend ending up attacking her. Yup. Beyond Jerry Springer. My stomach turns writing that. Huh! Funny you should mention that, her birthday is coming up, she will be 30, 30 years old, guys. Does hallmark make cards for incarcerated adult d c’s? Okay that’s not funny, but it kind of is. When does this turn a corner? Geez, hubs cousins are in their late 70s, housing their 50 year old meth addicted son. He recently had a stroke, due to meth use. Not going there. Can’t see myself living through the craziness of that. The thing is, I have to maintain my own dignity through this, regardless of her response and ranting. I am not quite sure yet what that entails. One thing for sure, I have time to think about it, and she sure as heck does. Not dropping anything to run to the rescue. On another note, the city is closing out parks in the area that Rain frequents. I am thinking since Tornado took a swing at me, I will probably be hearing from Rain. It’s like a tag team. Oh boy. :oops: Thank you again ladies. Your help and kindness is a huge hug of understanding. I appreciate that more than you will ever know. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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