Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Another Letter
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 739916" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi guys, thanks so much again for your response. I am trying Albie, <em>not to be cut to pieces.</em></p><p>No good comes of it.</p><p> You all have helped me get through the muck and mire of this.</p><p> Thank you Albie. I am working through my boundaries and what I am able to do. My emotions cannot be tied to Tornados circumstances. I think I am getting better at recovering from the sting of it. <em>I have to</em>. I don’t want to live like a zombie in survival mode, just getting by day to day, waiting for things to change for her, or Rain, as if holding my breath. I have to move forward.</p><p> Perhaps Tornado will figure things out and strive for better. Hopefully this stint in jail will help her. One or two things, she will either come out of it more hardened, or know that she does not want to go there again. That is <em>completely up to her.</em></p><p>That is a big gain Re. Even if it seems a small thing, it is not.</p><p>No matter what, or<em> who</em>. I am thankful that I have my son, my love for him and duty to see him through his senior year has helped to solidify my decision to stick to my boundaries of not housing my two. The word harboring pops up in my brain. Harboring in the sense that we gave sanctuary to our two, <em>while they were drugging</em>. We had no idea the extent of it. All of the consequences of that, the chaos, are one big nightmarish memory. One that I do not ever want to go back to.</p><p>I made a promise to my son that we would not be in that position again, and I intend to keep it.</p><p>I realize that I can’t use that love for my son as an excuse, I also need to stand up for myself, make that promise to myself.</p><p> I do believe the same, that this is a lifelong journey back to ourselves. For everyone, our kids included. Everything that happens to us, has a lesson, an opportunity for growth.</p><p> I am grateful that you share this with us, Re. Your perspective is most welcome.</p><p> Oh, Re, infinitely the same for you. I love your Einstein quote. <em>Everything is a miracle</em>. All of the kind souls who find themselves on this site have a wealth of knowledge, experience and understanding to share and reap from members here. I am truly grateful for each and every one of you. I am blessed.</p><p>My Sunday was a beautiful, harrowing, strength and perseverance test, a 32 mile paddle race with 11 women, 50 and above. Strong athletic women, working together to move the canoe on the beautiful deep blue sapphire ocean, passing white sandy beaches and jagged lava rock cliffs. It was exhilarating and hard and I am thankful to have the health to participate. Through the training, I wondered if I would be able to make it. Tornados situation was on my mind, and I realized that I had to reconfigure my emotional boundaries to rise above the weight of it. I was starting to carry her burden, it is one that<em> does not belong to me.</em></p><p> She is not there yet, and that is okay. It is a learning curve. The initial shock of her ranting is gone, and I am able to contemplate that she has been through so much in her life. Abusive boyfriend, three kids, way too soon. Yes, all of her own doing, but I see her lashing out from deep pain. She is not ready to do that work of looking at her own mistakes. It is up to her what she does with her Bible reading, if she lets it sink into her heart, or not, I hope she does. The work I have to do is to not let her words effect me so deeply, to love her regardless, and draw the line. For me. And her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It was hard to read, but in the frame of things, not surprising. It is a repeat of what she has said before, and an indication for me, as to where she is at emotionally and mentally. I have to view that carefully, try not to get drawn in, or be judgemental. Hopefully one day she can look at the good memories of our family life.</p><p>Oh, I am so thankful for my three, they help me tremendously.</p><p> I think that is where I am heading Elsi, gauging whether I am moved by love, not FOG.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Elsi, I am working on acceptance. Working on what I am willing to do, what would really help her, without enabling.</p><p>I think I am getting there Re, one small step at a time. Those feelings still roll through, but they don’t linger as long, or touch me to my core.</p><p>I developed this hyper vigilant state through years of reacting. Ready to jump to the “rescue” at the next beck and call.</p><p>Plain and simple. No. It is true. No explanation. It wouldn’t sink in anyway.</p><p> That is truth, Re. That is why it is so important to continue to shift focus on self care. Developing a strong sense of self is key, especially when we have a propensity to be “people pleasers.” There is a great difference between being kind, and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. It is something I have to constantly work on. That is where for me, not judging, but having <em>good judgement, is important. </em>I know, through these years of dealing with this, that my daughters can be quite artful in drawing me in, that way I become a mark in a con game. Phrases like <em>unconditional love</em> get caught up in the midst of it. Their definition of it is “give me what I want.” I have to be able to read through that. It can get complicated, that fine line. That one piece of web that tangles up around our heart between hope and reality.</p><p> This is what I have to keep in mind. Not to fall on the sword. For me, it is where prayer comes in and faith that God will watch over them. Letting go.</p><p> I have no idea what jail life entails, just through tv and what folks have written here. I sent photos to Tornado, but didn’t know there was a limit. I read five photos in a letter and took that to mean five at a time. It is only five. So, she requested a collage, printed on paper. I think it is a good thing, to want pictures of her kids. Maybe it will help her move forward.</p><p>I am sending a check today. I can’t even begin to put expectations on what she will spend it on. Hopefully, what she is telling me is true, but that is up to her. Her court case was canceled due to the hurricane, so she will be in there a bit longer. Only time will tell where all of this is going. </p><p>One day at a time. I put my trust in God, that all things happen for a reason. It is not only a lesson for her, but for me as well.</p><p>Thank you all for your kindness in taking time to share with me and fortify my resolve. This journey is difficult, but not impossible to get through. Your words have helped immensely, your experience and encouragement have bolstered me. I am forever grateful.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 739916, member: 19522"] Hi guys, thanks so much again for your response. I am trying Albie, [I]not to be cut to pieces.[/I] No good comes of it. You all have helped me get through the muck and mire of this. Thank you Albie. I am working through my boundaries and what I am able to do. My emotions cannot be tied to Tornados circumstances. I think I am getting better at recovering from the sting of it. [I]I have to[/I]. I don’t want to live like a zombie in survival mode, just getting by day to day, waiting for things to change for her, or Rain, as if holding my breath. I have to move forward. Perhaps Tornado will figure things out and strive for better. Hopefully this stint in jail will help her. One or two things, she will either come out of it more hardened, or know that she does not want to go there again. That is [I]completely up to her.[/I] That is a big gain Re. Even if it seems a small thing, it is not. No matter what, or[I] who[/I]. I am thankful that I have my son, my love for him and duty to see him through his senior year has helped to solidify my decision to stick to my boundaries of not housing my two. The word harboring pops up in my brain. Harboring in the sense that we gave sanctuary to our two, [I]while they were drugging[/I]. We had no idea the extent of it. All of the consequences of that, the chaos, are one big nightmarish memory. One that I do not ever want to go back to. I made a promise to my son that we would not be in that position again, and I intend to keep it. I realize that I can’t use that love for my son as an excuse, I also need to stand up for myself, make that promise to myself. I do believe the same, that this is a lifelong journey back to ourselves. For everyone, our kids included. Everything that happens to us, has a lesson, an opportunity for growth. I am grateful that you share this with us, Re. Your perspective is most welcome. Oh, Re, infinitely the same for you. I love your Einstein quote. [I]Everything is a miracle[/I]. All of the kind souls who find themselves on this site have a wealth of knowledge, experience and understanding to share and reap from members here. I am truly grateful for each and every one of you. I am blessed. My Sunday was a beautiful, harrowing, strength and perseverance test, a 32 mile paddle race with 11 women, 50 and above. Strong athletic women, working together to move the canoe on the beautiful deep blue sapphire ocean, passing white sandy beaches and jagged lava rock cliffs. It was exhilarating and hard and I am thankful to have the health to participate. Through the training, I wondered if I would be able to make it. Tornados situation was on my mind, and I realized that I had to reconfigure my emotional boundaries to rise above the weight of it. I was starting to carry her burden, it is one that[I] does not belong to me.[/I] She is not there yet, and that is okay. It is a learning curve. The initial shock of her ranting is gone, and I am able to contemplate that she has been through so much in her life. Abusive boyfriend, three kids, way too soon. Yes, all of her own doing, but I see her lashing out from deep pain. She is not ready to do that work of looking at her own mistakes. It is up to her what she does with her Bible reading, if she lets it sink into her heart, or not, I hope she does. The work I have to do is to not let her words effect me so deeply, to love her regardless, and draw the line. For me. And her. It was hard to read, but in the frame of things, not surprising. It is a repeat of what she has said before, and an indication for me, as to where she is at emotionally and mentally. I have to view that carefully, try not to get drawn in, or be judgemental. Hopefully one day she can look at the good memories of our family life. Oh, I am so thankful for my three, they help me tremendously. I think that is where I am heading Elsi, gauging whether I am moved by love, not FOG. Thank you Elsi, I am working on acceptance. Working on what I am willing to do, what would really help her, without enabling. I think I am getting there Re, one small step at a time. Those feelings still roll through, but they don’t linger as long, or touch me to my core. I developed this hyper vigilant state through years of reacting. Ready to jump to the “rescue” at the next beck and call. Plain and simple. No. It is true. No explanation. It wouldn’t sink in anyway. That is truth, Re. That is why it is so important to continue to shift focus on self care. Developing a strong sense of self is key, especially when we have a propensity to be “people pleasers.” There is a great difference between being kind, and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. It is something I have to constantly work on. That is where for me, not judging, but having [I]good judgement, is important. [/I]I know, through these years of dealing with this, that my daughters can be quite artful in drawing me in, that way I become a mark in a con game. Phrases like [I]unconditional love[/I] get caught up in the midst of it. Their definition of it is “give me what I want.” I have to be able to read through that. It can get complicated, that fine line. That one piece of web that tangles up around our heart between hope and reality. This is what I have to keep in mind. Not to fall on the sword. For me, it is where prayer comes in and faith that God will watch over them. Letting go. I have no idea what jail life entails, just through tv and what folks have written here. I sent photos to Tornado, but didn’t know there was a limit. I read five photos in a letter and took that to mean five at a time. It is only five. So, she requested a collage, printed on paper. I think it is a good thing, to want pictures of her kids. Maybe it will help her move forward. I am sending a check today. I can’t even begin to put expectations on what she will spend it on. Hopefully, what she is telling me is true, but that is up to her. Her court case was canceled due to the hurricane, so she will be in there a bit longer. Only time will tell where all of this is going. One day at a time. I put my trust in God, that all things happen for a reason. It is not only a lesson for her, but for me as well. Thank you all for your kindness in taking time to share with me and fortify my resolve. This journey is difficult, but not impossible to get through. Your words have helped immensely, your experience and encouragement have bolstered me. I am forever grateful. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Another Letter
Top