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<blockquote data-quote="noname" data-source="post: 585997" data-attributes="member: 16102"><p>Thanks for the warm welcome all. I wasn't sure where to post, but I'll keep that in mind for future reference. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I feel fairly confident that drugs are not an issue at this time outside of the normal experimentation with my son (marijuana and beer). He's a rapid cycling bipolar with lots of narcissistic tendencies so drug/alcohol addiction is "beneath him" (his words). My daughter is a bookworm so her friends tend to be more into robotics, anime, poetry, and gaming than partying. </p><p></p><p>My son is in a transitional living facility (his 3rd), but he struggles with compliance. Because he is a difficult to manage case that poses a safety risk off his medications and the programs are county run, it is easier to kick him out and give the space to someone easier to manage. Even mental health group homes have their limits. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/kickedoutsmile.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":kickedoutsmile:" title="kickedoutsmile :kickedoutsmile:" data-shortname=":kickedoutsmile:" /></p><p> </p><p>He's lived in about 10+ housing arrangements in the past 2 years. He was with me from birth - 17, and then with his Dad in preparation to go to Job Corps at 18. He lasted about 3 months there and has spent his time, since then, bouncing from one housing situation to the next (8 to be specific). He was on SSDI as a teen but as an adult refused to comply with their requirements to prove a continuing disability so he was taken off of it. He was homeless for two weeks and it took everything in me to not rush in and save him. </p><p></p><p>Even if I wanted to help him I cannot because my daughter made an accusation of sexual abuse by him. I must protect her as a minor child even if my disabled son needs me. Since she refused to cooperate with authorities (I reported it to police) there is no way to prove her claim and I refuse to call either of them liars. I don't know what I believe. It didn't happen in my home (her Dad's) and she said a one-time event. I'd like to believe my daughter wouldn't lie and I'd like to believe my son isn't capable of it, but both are compulsive liars! I am a rape victim, but I never talk about my rape. I want to remain as far away from it as possible and even the word is taboo. I would never throw it daily, but she throws it in response to any attempt to hold her accountable for her behaviors. The fact that she does this has traumatized me so much because every time she does it I'm reliving mine, but, as a victim I could not accuse someone of lying if there is a chance it could have happened. I just struggle believing she could be capable of lying about something this painful. Then again, at one time I would have never believed my son was capable of laying a hand on me. Time has taught me differently.</p><p> </p><p>This is the hell I'm trying to manage. All my dreams about family holidays...gone. How do I navigate this??? (Not really a question, but a vent of the overwhelming pain I feel.) I spend so much time stuffing the pain and anxiety so my other two children (21 and 6) do not pay for what their sister & brother are doing to me.</p><p></p><p>Outside of that it is difficult to summarize the two of them since there is so much background that contributes to their current behaviors, but I appreciate the understanding. In your responses I already feel like someone finally gets it. What I have gone through for these kids, what I've sacrificed, the relationships ruined...</p><p></p><p>I'm not the perfect parent and will never claim to be, but I love these children. These are not beaten and unwanted children, and I never thought I'd hit this point where I feel like it's either my sanity or theirs. When I'm close to them I can almost feel their sickness on my skin.</p><p></p><p>JJJ, yes! Shunned. Embarrassed. Surrounded. A hostage in my own home. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="noname, post: 585997, member: 16102"] Thanks for the warm welcome all. I wasn't sure where to post, but I'll keep that in mind for future reference. :) I feel fairly confident that drugs are not an issue at this time outside of the normal experimentation with my son (marijuana and beer). He's a rapid cycling bipolar with lots of narcissistic tendencies so drug/alcohol addiction is "beneath him" (his words). My daughter is a bookworm so her friends tend to be more into robotics, anime, poetry, and gaming than partying. My son is in a transitional living facility (his 3rd), but he struggles with compliance. Because he is a difficult to manage case that poses a safety risk off his medications and the programs are county run, it is easier to kick him out and give the space to someone easier to manage. Even mental health group homes have their limits. :kickedoutsmile: He's lived in about 10+ housing arrangements in the past 2 years. He was with me from birth - 17, and then with his Dad in preparation to go to Job Corps at 18. He lasted about 3 months there and has spent his time, since then, bouncing from one housing situation to the next (8 to be specific). He was on SSDI as a teen but as an adult refused to comply with their requirements to prove a continuing disability so he was taken off of it. He was homeless for two weeks and it took everything in me to not rush in and save him. Even if I wanted to help him I cannot because my daughter made an accusation of sexual abuse by him. I must protect her as a minor child even if my disabled son needs me. Since she refused to cooperate with authorities (I reported it to police) there is no way to prove her claim and I refuse to call either of them liars. I don't know what I believe. It didn't happen in my home (her Dad's) and she said a one-time event. I'd like to believe my daughter wouldn't lie and I'd like to believe my son isn't capable of it, but both are compulsive liars! I am a rape victim, but I never talk about my rape. I want to remain as far away from it as possible and even the word is taboo. I would never throw it daily, but she throws it in response to any attempt to hold her accountable for her behaviors. The fact that she does this has traumatized me so much because every time she does it I'm reliving mine, but, as a victim I could not accuse someone of lying if there is a chance it could have happened. I just struggle believing she could be capable of lying about something this painful. Then again, at one time I would have never believed my son was capable of laying a hand on me. Time has taught me differently. This is the hell I'm trying to manage. All my dreams about family holidays...gone. How do I navigate this??? (Not really a question, but a vent of the overwhelming pain I feel.) I spend so much time stuffing the pain and anxiety so my other two children (21 and 6) do not pay for what their sister & brother are doing to me. Outside of that it is difficult to summarize the two of them since there is so much background that contributes to their current behaviors, but I appreciate the understanding. In your responses I already feel like someone finally gets it. What I have gone through for these kids, what I've sacrificed, the relationships ruined... I'm not the perfect parent and will never claim to be, but I love these children. These are not beaten and unwanted children, and I never thought I'd hit this point where I feel like it's either my sanity or theirs. When I'm close to them I can almost feel their sickness on my skin. JJJ, yes! Shunned. Embarrassed. Surrounded. A hostage in my own home. :sigh: [/QUOTE]
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