Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Another newbie - I need some help please
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 428236" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>Yes, what does husband say about all this?</p><p></p><p>If something like the theft happens again - I would not rescue him from the consequences. I assume biomom also lives in South Africa so if he is in juvenile justice custody or on probation when she gets back he would not end up tied to you and your location if you live in a different area than biomom.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea what, if any, social support mechanisms are available to you to deal with this child. Here we would be working with his school, physicians and probably juvenile justice to get/keep him under some level of control. He might have been placed into foster care if things were bad enough.</p><p></p><p>Who has legal custody or shared custody? Do the laws governing custody prevent your husband from taking certain actions without biomoms approval or consent? Is he willing to take action or get help that way?</p><p></p><p>Because, if husband thinks this child will be dumped on you guys, establishing a history of problems now may be helpful when/if the question of custody comes up or difficult child is dumped on you and you need help.</p><p></p><p>It is one thing to deal with a kid like this when he's 12.</p><p></p><p>It's a whole other thing if he's 15 or 17.</p><p></p><p>Do you have access to mental health care that includes hospitalization? Under what circumstances/behaviors can he be hospitalized?</p><p></p><p>I must not understand the homeschooling system he is in if he has "terms" that he gets grades for his work from someone outside the home. In that case, can you contact that person/organization and discuss his refusal to do the work and see if they can help? </p><p></p><p>Again, I would not rescue him from the consequences of refusing to do the work. If he is capable of doing it relatively independently then I would provide some basic instructions like what pages to complete or reading to do, give him a deadline each day for completion of the work, ask if he's completed it or needs help and, unless he asks for help, end the discussion.</p><p></p><p>If there could be consequences come back on you for his not performing then you might want to keep a diary of these assignments, how many hours he had to complete the work, what work was actually completed and husband initials it daily. If possible get difficult child to sign or initial it too. That way you have a record of what he was assigned. It doesn't matter if it was the same thing day after day. And I would make sure the school authorities knew he was refusing and had become unmanageable in writing.</p><p></p><p>Sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds like you have already taken many of the precautions that parents who are feeling overwhelmed don't think to do. It's a tough situation especially if husband doesn't have the power to do certain things because of custody or if he is unwilling to let difficult child get arrested, etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 428236, member: 11920"] Yes, what does husband say about all this? If something like the theft happens again - I would not rescue him from the consequences. I assume biomom also lives in South Africa so if he is in juvenile justice custody or on probation when she gets back he would not end up tied to you and your location if you live in a different area than biomom. I have no idea what, if any, social support mechanisms are available to you to deal with this child. Here we would be working with his school, physicians and probably juvenile justice to get/keep him under some level of control. He might have been placed into foster care if things were bad enough. Who has legal custody or shared custody? Do the laws governing custody prevent your husband from taking certain actions without biomoms approval or consent? Is he willing to take action or get help that way? Because, if husband thinks this child will be dumped on you guys, establishing a history of problems now may be helpful when/if the question of custody comes up or difficult child is dumped on you and you need help. It is one thing to deal with a kid like this when he's 12. It's a whole other thing if he's 15 or 17. Do you have access to mental health care that includes hospitalization? Under what circumstances/behaviors can he be hospitalized? I must not understand the homeschooling system he is in if he has "terms" that he gets grades for his work from someone outside the home. In that case, can you contact that person/organization and discuss his refusal to do the work and see if they can help? Again, I would not rescue him from the consequences of refusing to do the work. If he is capable of doing it relatively independently then I would provide some basic instructions like what pages to complete or reading to do, give him a deadline each day for completion of the work, ask if he's completed it or needs help and, unless he asks for help, end the discussion. If there could be consequences come back on you for his not performing then you might want to keep a diary of these assignments, how many hours he had to complete the work, what work was actually completed and husband initials it daily. If possible get difficult child to sign or initial it too. That way you have a record of what he was assigned. It doesn't matter if it was the same thing day after day. And I would make sure the school authorities knew he was refusing and had become unmanageable in writing. Sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds like you have already taken many of the precautions that parents who are feeling overwhelmed don't think to do. It's a tough situation especially if husband doesn't have the power to do certain things because of custody or if he is unwilling to let difficult child get arrested, etc. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Another newbie - I need some help please
Top