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Substance Abuse
Any strategies to stop feeling terror when my phone rings.
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 676251" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>Any contact from my Difficult Child instantly makes my heart race, my stomach turn, and a panicky feeling takes over. The only time she ever contacts is 1) she has drama or a crisis she wants to suck me into for me to "fix" or "resolve" in some way or 2) she "needs" something from me. If I deny either, I get a hateful verbal assault on everything I ever did wrong, how I don't love her, guilt trips and manipulations - you name it.</p><p></p><p>Before she was diagnosed, I had no clue how to handle it bc I couldn't understand it at all - such overreactions filled with vulgarity and hatred. Now that I know and I have "educated" myself, I give myself permission to not engage. Whether that means walking away, hanging up the phone, ending the conversations...or not answering her calls/texts. Sometimes that makes her worse when I won't "play" and she will literally scream and curse and make the biggest scene you can imagine. "If I can't get you to engage, I will at least embarrass you to no end," seems to be the thought process.</p><p></p><p>I still get that "pit of my stomach" feeling and every conversation is a battlefield, but I feel more control and better equipped to protect myself now that I know what I am up against. I also recognize certain "warning signs" of escalation, watch for triggers, and no longer engage in circular conversations. I end them immediately. I still sometimes falter, make mistakes, accidentally get myself "obligated" into things I didn't catch - but she teaches me a new lesson every time she gets something over on me, and she keeps having to change her game. I keep hoping I will become too much work and she will focus on easier targets. God - that makes me sound awful!</p><p></p><p>Before, I exhausted myself arguing, justifying, defending, pacifying, and trying to make HER feel better. Now I know I cannot, so I limit everything to what I feel comfortable with and what I can live with. You know your limits and what will let you still peacefully sleep at night. I know you "blocked" her number, but you could also change your number. I don't know if that would be more than you are willing to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 676251, member: 19905"] Any contact from my Difficult Child instantly makes my heart race, my stomach turn, and a panicky feeling takes over. The only time she ever contacts is 1) she has drama or a crisis she wants to suck me into for me to "fix" or "resolve" in some way or 2) she "needs" something from me. If I deny either, I get a hateful verbal assault on everything I ever did wrong, how I don't love her, guilt trips and manipulations - you name it. Before she was diagnosed, I had no clue how to handle it bc I couldn't understand it at all - such overreactions filled with vulgarity and hatred. Now that I know and I have "educated" myself, I give myself permission to not engage. Whether that means walking away, hanging up the phone, ending the conversations...or not answering her calls/texts. Sometimes that makes her worse when I won't "play" and she will literally scream and curse and make the biggest scene you can imagine. "If I can't get you to engage, I will at least embarrass you to no end," seems to be the thought process. I still get that "pit of my stomach" feeling and every conversation is a battlefield, but I feel more control and better equipped to protect myself now that I know what I am up against. I also recognize certain "warning signs" of escalation, watch for triggers, and no longer engage in circular conversations. I end them immediately. I still sometimes falter, make mistakes, accidentally get myself "obligated" into things I didn't catch - but she teaches me a new lesson every time she gets something over on me, and she keeps having to change her game. I keep hoping I will become too much work and she will focus on easier targets. God - that makes me sound awful! Before, I exhausted myself arguing, justifying, defending, pacifying, and trying to make HER feel better. Now I know I cannot, so I limit everything to what I feel comfortable with and what I can live with. You know your limits and what will let you still peacefully sleep at night. I know you "blocked" her number, but you could also change your number. I don't know if that would be more than you are willing to do. [/QUOTE]
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Any strategies to stop feeling terror when my phone rings.
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