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Substance Abuse
Anyone have experience with sober living
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739445" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with the others, you may be doing too much. If he does not want you involved, why should you help him contact others? He is telling you butt out...except for the money train.</p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>My son NEVER wanted me involved in treatment, but costs were paid by insurance so he had the right to his privacy. But he wanted my help, when he wanted my help. I wish I had had better boundaries.</p><p></p><p>I let him pick and choose what he would do, and what I could do and this did not end well.</p><p></p><p>If you are paying for the treatment, for you....do it. To leave no stone unturned. Based upon the stories I read here, children can respond to treatment when pushed. But parents understand that they are doing it for themselves, and they have no control whatsoever about the result. </p><p></p><p>I pushed my son several times, and as soon as he left, he resumed using his drug of choice. His lack of commitment made him leave several treatments early. I would not see the writing on the wall. He could care less whether or not he stopped. Treatment became a leverage for him to control me. He would mention the word, and like Pavlov's dog I would begin salivating. He had trained me. It was stimulus response. I was the dog.</p><p></p><p>I can see that now. But I had to go through this, to learn to change. You see. It is about us. Not them.</p><p></p><p>Their learning and changing has nothing to do with us.</p><p></p><p>Our job is to get strong enough to change ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I wish it was different. It is not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739445, member: 18958"] I agree with the others, you may be doing too much. If he does not want you involved, why should you help him contact others? He is telling you butt out...except for the money train. Yes. My son NEVER wanted me involved in treatment, but costs were paid by insurance so he had the right to his privacy. But he wanted my help, when he wanted my help. I wish I had had better boundaries. I let him pick and choose what he would do, and what I could do and this did not end well. If you are paying for the treatment, for you....do it. To leave no stone unturned. Based upon the stories I read here, children can respond to treatment when pushed. But parents understand that they are doing it for themselves, and they have no control whatsoever about the result. I pushed my son several times, and as soon as he left, he resumed using his drug of choice. His lack of commitment made him leave several treatments early. I would not see the writing on the wall. He could care less whether or not he stopped. Treatment became a leverage for him to control me. He would mention the word, and like Pavlov's dog I would begin salivating. He had trained me. It was stimulus response. I was the dog. I can see that now. But I had to go through this, to learn to change. You see. It is about us. Not them. Their learning and changing has nothing to do with us. Our job is to get strong enough to change ourselves. I wish it was different. It is not. [/QUOTE]
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