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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 293369" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It generally does sound very positive.</p><p></p><p>it also (again) sounds to me like she needsto be checked out for autism. Ghe manner of speech you describe (the odd word order, for example, especially problems with personal pronouns) is very much like the stages a high-functioning autistic can go through, as they learn better language skills. The need for a one-on-one to get ANY work done, the "attention-seeking" (which often can be extreme insecurity and constant need for reassurance, because EVERYTHING is so confusing and such a challenge plus she wants tp please the adults in her life even though she so often gets it wrong and sometimes gives up for a time because it's just too hard). It all fits.</p><p></p><p>The way I see it diagnostically - she COULD have general developmental delay (either due to environmental problems to date, or something she was born with) or she could have autism (and has been struggling to cope without assistance, which can sometimes mean they develop some unusual coping skills). I know from experience, that a kid who presents as "not the full quid" is a walking target for abuse and pedophiles. They also have challenging behavikours and delays in critical areas (ie the toiletting issues) which can lead to further behavioural problems if/when these are mishandled. Positive feedback loop working in a negative direction.</p><p></p><p>If she has autism, the "developmental delay" and "mental retardation" may actually begin to resolve once the language delay is dealt with. The toiletting problems could be multifactorial - first, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (she doesn't recognise the physical sensation of needing to go, of being wet or dirty); second, the social problems of how her mother has handled it to date; third, the response due to the sexual abuse. You're dealing with the last two. Time and maturity can also help with the first plus there are specialists who can help you. With difficult child 3 we had help from a specialist in teaching Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) kids about toiletting.</p><p></p><p>The neediness in class will still be an issue if you home-school. You also do have the Distance Education option (it is available in Queensland - I have chec ked it out before) which would at least ease your load with curriculum. But you have a farm to run, your days would be full and you would be tied down a lot more. BUT - she would be much more portable, if you had to drive daughter to a music lesson then cherub and her schoolwork could come along too. Plus you can easily modify a lesson to include what you're already doing (ie shopping becomes maths lesson plus social skills lesson plus life skills).</p><p></p><p>The teacher wanting her to work towards the grade ahead - it could be sheer lunacy or inspired genius. Sometimes a child like cherub is difficult because the work is too tedious, it's too predictable and repetitive. difficult child 3 has BIG problems with too much repetition, he learns SOME things incredibly fast.</p><p>Give the teacher some rope, let him/her try the "let's work ahead" approach and see how it goes. If it's a disaster, that will be seen quickly. If it works - cheruyb will be better off for finding this out now, and it will be valuable informagion.</p><p></p><p>Whichever way - I strongly urge you to implement the use of a Communication Book because it will speed up the feedback both directions, you will know faster if there is a problem (or good progress) and it's easier to have the fast response you need.</p><p></p><p>It's easy to set this up and little trouble to run. </p><p></p><p>1) Buy an exercise book (or grab a spare from the school supplies).</p><p></p><p>2) Make a pretty cover. I used a sheet of A4 paper and printed on it. "difficult child 3's Communication Book. Teachers, family, friends - please write down anything interesting, good or bad so we can all share how difficult child 3 is going." Of course the A4 sheet won't fully cover the book, but I just wrapped it around and stuck it down with tape so the label showed. I drew a rainbow across it. </p><p></p><p>3) Put a clear plastic cover on the book to protect it. The book has to be able to take some punishment. I bought a packet of schoolbook plastic covers, it made it much easier to cover a book in a hurry and the corners are well-sealed, no bits to pick at and tear away.</p><p></p><p>Now you make your entries. I begin each entry with the date then I just write. Keep it as brief as you can and fairly informal. You write the sort of stuff you'd be telling the teacher on the classroom steps as you drop her off - "we had a bad morning today, she's talking non-stop about stuff that doesn't matter, but not doing what I ask towards getting ready. Good luck, I hope she can hold it together for you!"</p><p>The teacher makes brief observations as relevant - "she worked well after a while but needed help from the aide to get started on the new worksheets. Very unsettled after lunch, never really did settle to work. Not sure why; I think I'll ask the aide to keep an eye on the playground over lunch tomorrow, see if we can see if someting is going on."</p><p></p><p>Sometimes just the act of writing something can make things 'click' in your own mind (yours, or the teacher's). Reading back through previous entries can also help you see a pattern. We found, especially in difficult child 3's earlier years at school, that some kind of daily reporting system (two-way) made things so much better in terms of our general management of him.</p><p></p><p>The general emotional immaturity you describe, the social 'over-friendliness' (which is also inappropriate and fits with autism as a possibility - difficult child 3 was like this, so was easy child 2/difficult child 2, they would walk off with a total stranger so easily), it's all part of the picture.</p><p></p><p>We've been there. Well and truly. And even from there, we've come a very long way to the amazing young man I now have in difficult child 3, to the incredible girl in easy child 2/difficult child 2 (who used to paint excreta on the walls without thinking even though she had been repeatedly told not to do it and made to clean it off - also up to about age 8).</p><p></p><p>So overall - it sounds like this was a resounding success. At least as resounding as it can be when working with Dept of Ed (ANY bureaucracy!)</p><p></p><p>With the teachers' aides threatening whatever action they can over the need to toilet her - what is she were a paraplegic kid with bowel control problems? They attend mainstream school with aides - how is that handled? It seems to me that their main objecgtion is because she LOOKS like she should be properly bowel-trained, there is no excuse for it that THEY can validate, therefore they shouldn't have to do it (a standard attitude but a wrong one).</p><p></p><p>Down in NSW when difficult child 1 was in Year 6, there was a ban on school staff giving kids their medications. It meant that parents had to make other arrangements, for kids needing ADHD medications during the day or being on antibiotics. Of course, Teachers Federation made exceptions for kids with diabetes, aasthma or epilepsy - I was very angry about this and lobbied heavily, on the grounds that to not medicate a kid with severe ADHD is just as damaging potentially as allowing a diabetic kid to skip a dose of insulin. With difficult child 1, he would get dangerously violent as his medications wore off while he was still at school.</p><p></p><p>It's the same attitude with this toiletting, and it is wrong. So ask them the question about the hypothetical paraplegic kid and see how they answer it. Because in this case - the same rules should apply. There are no excuses for lack of compassion in this case!</p><p></p><p>From one Warrior Mum to another... go get 'em!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 293369, member: 1991"] It generally does sound very positive. it also (again) sounds to me like she needsto be checked out for autism. Ghe manner of speech you describe (the odd word order, for example, especially problems with personal pronouns) is very much like the stages a high-functioning autistic can go through, as they learn better language skills. The need for a one-on-one to get ANY work done, the "attention-seeking" (which often can be extreme insecurity and constant need for reassurance, because EVERYTHING is so confusing and such a challenge plus she wants tp please the adults in her life even though she so often gets it wrong and sometimes gives up for a time because it's just too hard). It all fits. The way I see it diagnostically - she COULD have general developmental delay (either due to environmental problems to date, or something she was born with) or she could have autism (and has been struggling to cope without assistance, which can sometimes mean they develop some unusual coping skills). I know from experience, that a kid who presents as "not the full quid" is a walking target for abuse and pedophiles. They also have challenging behavikours and delays in critical areas (ie the toiletting issues) which can lead to further behavioural problems if/when these are mishandled. Positive feedback loop working in a negative direction. If she has autism, the "developmental delay" and "mental retardation" may actually begin to resolve once the language delay is dealt with. The toiletting problems could be multifactorial - first, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (she doesn't recognise the physical sensation of needing to go, of being wet or dirty); second, the social problems of how her mother has handled it to date; third, the response due to the sexual abuse. You're dealing with the last two. Time and maturity can also help with the first plus there are specialists who can help you. With difficult child 3 we had help from a specialist in teaching Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) kids about toiletting. The neediness in class will still be an issue if you home-school. You also do have the Distance Education option (it is available in Queensland - I have chec ked it out before) which would at least ease your load with curriculum. But you have a farm to run, your days would be full and you would be tied down a lot more. BUT - she would be much more portable, if you had to drive daughter to a music lesson then cherub and her schoolwork could come along too. Plus you can easily modify a lesson to include what you're already doing (ie shopping becomes maths lesson plus social skills lesson plus life skills). The teacher wanting her to work towards the grade ahead - it could be sheer lunacy or inspired genius. Sometimes a child like cherub is difficult because the work is too tedious, it's too predictable and repetitive. difficult child 3 has BIG problems with too much repetition, he learns SOME things incredibly fast. Give the teacher some rope, let him/her try the "let's work ahead" approach and see how it goes. If it's a disaster, that will be seen quickly. If it works - cheruyb will be better off for finding this out now, and it will be valuable informagion. Whichever way - I strongly urge you to implement the use of a Communication Book because it will speed up the feedback both directions, you will know faster if there is a problem (or good progress) and it's easier to have the fast response you need. It's easy to set this up and little trouble to run. 1) Buy an exercise book (or grab a spare from the school supplies). 2) Make a pretty cover. I used a sheet of A4 paper and printed on it. "difficult child 3's Communication Book. Teachers, family, friends - please write down anything interesting, good or bad so we can all share how difficult child 3 is going." Of course the A4 sheet won't fully cover the book, but I just wrapped it around and stuck it down with tape so the label showed. I drew a rainbow across it. 3) Put a clear plastic cover on the book to protect it. The book has to be able to take some punishment. I bought a packet of schoolbook plastic covers, it made it much easier to cover a book in a hurry and the corners are well-sealed, no bits to pick at and tear away. Now you make your entries. I begin each entry with the date then I just write. Keep it as brief as you can and fairly informal. You write the sort of stuff you'd be telling the teacher on the classroom steps as you drop her off - "we had a bad morning today, she's talking non-stop about stuff that doesn't matter, but not doing what I ask towards getting ready. Good luck, I hope she can hold it together for you!" The teacher makes brief observations as relevant - "she worked well after a while but needed help from the aide to get started on the new worksheets. Very unsettled after lunch, never really did settle to work. Not sure why; I think I'll ask the aide to keep an eye on the playground over lunch tomorrow, see if we can see if someting is going on." Sometimes just the act of writing something can make things 'click' in your own mind (yours, or the teacher's). Reading back through previous entries can also help you see a pattern. We found, especially in difficult child 3's earlier years at school, that some kind of daily reporting system (two-way) made things so much better in terms of our general management of him. The general emotional immaturity you describe, the social 'over-friendliness' (which is also inappropriate and fits with autism as a possibility - difficult child 3 was like this, so was easy child 2/difficult child 2, they would walk off with a total stranger so easily), it's all part of the picture. We've been there. Well and truly. And even from there, we've come a very long way to the amazing young man I now have in difficult child 3, to the incredible girl in easy child 2/difficult child 2 (who used to paint excreta on the walls without thinking even though she had been repeatedly told not to do it and made to clean it off - also up to about age 8). So overall - it sounds like this was a resounding success. At least as resounding as it can be when working with Dept of Ed (ANY bureaucracy!) With the teachers' aides threatening whatever action they can over the need to toilet her - what is she were a paraplegic kid with bowel control problems? They attend mainstream school with aides - how is that handled? It seems to me that their main objecgtion is because she LOOKS like she should be properly bowel-trained, there is no excuse for it that THEY can validate, therefore they shouldn't have to do it (a standard attitude but a wrong one). Down in NSW when difficult child 1 was in Year 6, there was a ban on school staff giving kids their medications. It meant that parents had to make other arrangements, for kids needing ADHD medications during the day or being on antibiotics. Of course, Teachers Federation made exceptions for kids with diabetes, aasthma or epilepsy - I was very angry about this and lobbied heavily, on the grounds that to not medicate a kid with severe ADHD is just as damaging potentially as allowing a diabetic kid to skip a dose of insulin. With difficult child 1, he would get dangerously violent as his medications wore off while he was still at school. It's the same attitude with this toiletting, and it is wrong. So ask them the question about the hypothetical paraplegic kid and see how they answer it. Because in this case - the same rules should apply. There are no excuses for lack of compassion in this case! From one Warrior Mum to another... go get 'em! Marg [/QUOTE]
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