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Substance Abuse
Article about abuse of parents by their drug addicted children
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 759957" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Copa, I go over and over this conundrum in my head on a daily basis. Who is my son <em>really</em>? </p><p></p><p>With my child it's more the mental illness than the drug taking that I hold accountable. The mental illness came first but has no doubt been exacerbated by the drug taking and now the two are intertwined. (He seems reasonably sober right now, but I don't know if that's true or not.) In any case the illness and the drugs are who he is now. He's functioning (working etc) but he is not getting treatment so it's only matter of time before the next drama. This is his pattern - crisis, treatment, a period of stability then refusing treatment because he's "fine" and then self-medicating and then back to crisis. Even when he's "well" (like right now) he has behaviours that are not acceptable. </p><p></p><p>But in the end the cause is irrelevant. He is able to access the help he needs if he chooses to. Only he can make that choice and often he chooses not to.</p><p></p><p>Every time I see or hear from him, I'm anxious. This week we saw him for his younger brother's birthday. He turned up at the restaurant looking like a homeless person. Well, not quite. He was reasonably clean and didn't smell but his clothes were old and not appropriate for the venue. I was embarrassed but said nothing. He was polite at first but couldn't resist saying something rude to me as the night wore on. I ignored him and there was no escalation this time, but I couldn't enjoy myself because he was there.</p><p></p><p>I guess my point is, my son is fairly stable but the illness and the drugs have overtaken him. This is who he is now and that's not going to change. I can't seem to totally detach from him but I'm no longer involving myself in his life and I have come to accept that there is nothing I can do to alter his life's trajectory. I need to accept that his behaviour is abusive and remember I can choose not to subject myself to that. </p><p></p><p>I say this, but in reality I struggle to do it. I'm no longer actively assisting him, but my heart won't detach no matter what my head says.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 759957, member: 24721"] Copa, I go over and over this conundrum in my head on a daily basis. Who is my son [I]really[/I]? With my child it's more the mental illness than the drug taking that I hold accountable. The mental illness came first but has no doubt been exacerbated by the drug taking and now the two are intertwined. (He seems reasonably sober right now, but I don't know if that's true or not.) In any case the illness and the drugs are who he is now. He's functioning (working etc) but he is not getting treatment so it's only matter of time before the next drama. This is his pattern - crisis, treatment, a period of stability then refusing treatment because he's "fine" and then self-medicating and then back to crisis. Even when he's "well" (like right now) he has behaviours that are not acceptable. But in the end the cause is irrelevant. He is able to access the help he needs if he chooses to. Only he can make that choice and often he chooses not to. Every time I see or hear from him, I'm anxious. This week we saw him for his younger brother's birthday. He turned up at the restaurant looking like a homeless person. Well, not quite. He was reasonably clean and didn't smell but his clothes were old and not appropriate for the venue. I was embarrassed but said nothing. He was polite at first but couldn't resist saying something rude to me as the night wore on. I ignored him and there was no escalation this time, but I couldn't enjoy myself because he was there. I guess my point is, my son is fairly stable but the illness and the drugs have overtaken him. This is who he is now and that's not going to change. I can't seem to totally detach from him but I'm no longer involving myself in his life and I have come to accept that there is nothing I can do to alter his life's trajectory. I need to accept that his behaviour is abusive and remember I can choose not to subject myself to that. I say this, but in reality I struggle to do it. I'm no longer actively assisting him, but my heart won't detach no matter what my head says. [/QUOTE]
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