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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 635192" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Those of you who are new here and just read that wonderful list basically outlining detachment, remember you just had your first introduction. For me, detaching took time, thought, great effort, counseling, prayer and personal strength.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child (adopted as an infant) has bipolar disorder, but also had brain surgery for an aneurysm. Sometimes, it is / was hard for me to tease out everything...mental illness vs difficult child business vs possible brain damage vs immaturity. But, I was sure mixed in there were inappropriate behaviors, entitlement issues, un gratefulness, horrible choices, etc.</p><p></p><p>She moved out when she was 19. We were somewhat lenient until she turned 21. That gave her a little extra time. She is on disability, because she is ill and can't hold down a job. She has improved in teeny tiny increments, but at least she is going in the right direction.</p><p></p><p>We had several profoundly difficult years.</p><p></p><p>Today, She gets herself to the psychiatrist for her appointments via bus, she does her own food shopping and it is extremely rare for her to be rude to me or her father.</p><p></p><p>We help her very very little financially etc. Today, Her water heater broke and she came by the house and took a hot shower, had a little dinner and left and said "I love you mom," before she left. She does have mood swings,and was grouchy on the phone with me earlier. I do not tolerate that and got off swiftly. She apologized for being grouchy and</p><p>Said she would probably talk with the psychiatrist about her medications.</p><p></p><p>Things are NOT ideal, but by practicing detachment, they have improved. I pay for the phone and have turned it off for a week at a time when she has been rude. Now, she thinks twice before being rude on the phone. The phone is her yearly birthday present.</p><p></p><p>I have health problems and her very difficult behaviors...there have been many crazy things...major fights with people, an arrest, she moves every six weeks approximately, losing things, moves without taking her property, crazy rants....blah blah blah... Can be hard on me. Well, I don't let any of it concern me anymore. I wish to enjoy life as best as I can and worrying about it doesn't help her one bit.(re read that sentence)</p><p></p><p>She is an adult, and it is her life. Since she has some health concerns, I am willing to help her a little ...that's about it. If she is rude to us, that little bit of help goes away (unless she quickly apologizes and corrects her behavior). </p><p></p><p>It is what it is. Life moves on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 635192, member: 4152"] Those of you who are new here and just read that wonderful list basically outlining detachment, remember you just had your first introduction. For me, detaching took time, thought, great effort, counseling, prayer and personal strength. Our difficult child (adopted as an infant) has bipolar disorder, but also had brain surgery for an aneurysm. Sometimes, it is / was hard for me to tease out everything...mental illness vs difficult child business vs possible brain damage vs immaturity. But, I was sure mixed in there were inappropriate behaviors, entitlement issues, un gratefulness, horrible choices, etc. She moved out when she was 19. We were somewhat lenient until she turned 21. That gave her a little extra time. She is on disability, because she is ill and can't hold down a job. She has improved in teeny tiny increments, but at least she is going in the right direction. We had several profoundly difficult years. Today, She gets herself to the psychiatrist for her appointments via bus, she does her own food shopping and it is extremely rare for her to be rude to me or her father. We help her very very little financially etc. Today, Her water heater broke and she came by the house and took a hot shower, had a little dinner and left and said "I love you mom," before she left. She does have mood swings,and was grouchy on the phone with me earlier. I do not tolerate that and got off swiftly. She apologized for being grouchy and Said she would probably talk with the psychiatrist about her medications. Things are NOT ideal, but by practicing detachment, they have improved. I pay for the phone and have turned it off for a week at a time when she has been rude. Now, she thinks twice before being rude on the phone. The phone is her yearly birthday present. I have health problems and her very difficult behaviors...there have been many crazy things...major fights with people, an arrest, she moves every six weeks approximately, losing things, moves without taking her property, crazy rants....blah blah blah... Can be hard on me. Well, I don't let any of it concern me anymore. I wish to enjoy life as best as I can and worrying about it doesn't help her one bit.(re read that sentence) She is an adult, and it is her life. Since she has some health concerns, I am willing to help her a little ...that's about it. If she is rude to us, that little bit of help goes away (unless she quickly apologizes and corrects her behavior). It is what it is. Life moves on. [/QUOTE]
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