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Asked My Son to Leave
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 707265" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Catmom:</p><p></p><p>Welcome and sorry you have to be here. My 21 year old son's behavior is similar to what your son is doing.</p><p></p><p>My husband (his father) wanted to kick him out but I was afraid so we agreed to see an addictions specialist and tell him our story and said we'd do whatever he recommended. We were at the end of our ropes. He had been on a 2 month benzo binge. We gave him the option of rehab (he had been in rehab before so nothing new) or move out and he chose rehab only because he had no where else to go. After rehab my husband took him to sober living in Florida and after three or so places he is now working and taking one college class. He did not like AA, NA or meetings. Has anxiety. Didn't like talking in front of others (who does!). It seems that until we changed and stopped saving him that he finally took some control of his life.</p><p></p><p>Our home is peaceful now and he is becoming more responsible although he is not anywhere near where he needs to be.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing. No one should have to live like a prisoner in their own home. We did it too for almost as long as you and it is no way to live. I practically begged our son to follow the rules. I did not want him to be away from us and I could not believe he broke every rule that we put into place. He stole from his older brothers too while they lived with us a short time after college. He still hasn't said that he wished he had followed the rules. He has asked to come home but husband told him he can never live here again. I would have had a hard time saying that but now he knows that we are there to help him if he makes the right choices but we no longer will enable him.</p><p></p><p>This is tough stuff. I have been seeing a therapist for six months and it has helped me to set firm but loving boundaries and not feel guilty. Our kids need the boundaries as much as we do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 707265, member: 15032"] Catmom: Welcome and sorry you have to be here. My 21 year old son's behavior is similar to what your son is doing. My husband (his father) wanted to kick him out but I was afraid so we agreed to see an addictions specialist and tell him our story and said we'd do whatever he recommended. We were at the end of our ropes. He had been on a 2 month benzo binge. We gave him the option of rehab (he had been in rehab before so nothing new) or move out and he chose rehab only because he had no where else to go. After rehab my husband took him to sober living in Florida and after three or so places he is now working and taking one college class. He did not like AA, NA or meetings. Has anxiety. Didn't like talking in front of others (who does!). It seems that until we changed and stopped saving him that he finally took some control of his life. Our home is peaceful now and he is becoming more responsible although he is not anywhere near where he needs to be. You are doing the right thing. No one should have to live like a prisoner in their own home. We did it too for almost as long as you and it is no way to live. I practically begged our son to follow the rules. I did not want him to be away from us and I could not believe he broke every rule that we put into place. He stole from his older brothers too while they lived with us a short time after college. He still hasn't said that he wished he had followed the rules. He has asked to come home but husband told him he can never live here again. I would have had a hard time saying that but now he knows that we are there to help him if he makes the right choices but we no longer will enable him. This is tough stuff. I have been seeing a therapist for six months and it has helped me to set firm but loving boundaries and not feel guilty. Our kids need the boundaries as much as we do. [/QUOTE]
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