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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 765268" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Healing,</p><p>I’m so sorry for your grief and pain. It is so important to get those feelings out.</p><p></p><p>Truthfully. We live in heavily populated Oahu, but word spreads fast on an island. It depends on who is asking on what details I share. I have been surprised at how many people I know who have been affected by similar circumstances within their families. Good people who have worked hard to raise their kids.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I’m sorry Healing, that is an added stress to trying to process all that has gone on with your son.</p><p></p><p>I understand how you are feeling. But Healing, <em>the shame does not belong to you. </em>That is a consequence of your son’s <em>choices, not any failure on your part</em>. If we take on all of the emotional baggage of our adult children’s lifestyles we will fall under the weight of it. </p><p>That baggage does not belong to you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>When you get yourself together, you will realize that<em> you are the same person you have always been.</em> It is your son who is the floating piece of driftwood. You are the lighthouse shining brightly on the rocky cliff.</p><p>Our drifting adult children are not a reflection of us. They take what we have taught them, and make their own choices. </p><p></p><p></p><p>You were a good mom. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is not your or your families shame, humiliation or guilt to bear. Your son grew to adult age and made bad choices. <em>The grey cloud belongs to him, not hanging over any of you.</em></p><p> This is your daughter’s time. Our kids are resilient and strong. I’m pretty sure your daughter is determined to enjoy what’s left of her senior year and graduation.</p><p>Her brother’s consequences should not be hanging over like a grey cloud.</p><p>That would not be fair.</p><p>After you shake off the initial shock and reaction of the "cat being let out of the bag", put on your Momma combat boots and fight those emotions and claim back your lighthouse status. </p><p>Your daughter needs you to light the way for her. </p><p>You can do this by leading the way by understanding that you are not responsible for the consequences your son has, for the choices he made.</p><p>You do not need to wear a cloak of humiliation and shame, and neither does your daughter. </p><p>As for any who ask what happened? It is up to you what you will share.</p><p>For me?</p><p>My daughter Tornado has her picture posted on the internet police page, bench warrant for her arrest. It will probably be in the newspaper and on a segment on local news.</p><p>That's a first for her, and me.</p><p>If anyone asks, I will tell them that I love her and pray for her, but she has made some unfortunate choices.</p><p>Period.</p><p>Healing, you have got this. </p><p>It is time for your Mama bear to come out and fight for stability for your daughter and your household.</p><p>Get back on that cliff and let your light shine.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 765268, member: 19522"] Healing, I’m so sorry for your grief and pain. It is so important to get those feelings out. Truthfully. We live in heavily populated Oahu, but word spreads fast on an island. It depends on who is asking on what details I share. I have been surprised at how many people I know who have been affected by similar circumstances within their families. Good people who have worked hard to raise their kids. I’m sorry Healing, that is an added stress to trying to process all that has gone on with your son. I understand how you are feeling. But Healing, [I]the shame does not belong to you. [/I]That is a consequence of your son’s [I]choices, not any failure on your part[/I]. If we take on all of the emotional baggage of our adult children’s lifestyles we will fall under the weight of it. That baggage does not belong to you. When you get yourself together, you will realize that[I] you are the same person you have always been.[/I] It is your son who is the floating piece of driftwood. You are the lighthouse shining brightly on the rocky cliff. Our drifting adult children are not a reflection of us. They take what we have taught them, and make their own choices. You were a good mom. This is not your or your families shame, humiliation or guilt to bear. Your son grew to adult age and made bad choices. [I]The grey cloud belongs to him, not hanging over any of you.[/I] This is your daughter’s time. Our kids are resilient and strong. I’m pretty sure your daughter is determined to enjoy what’s left of her senior year and graduation. Her brother’s consequences should not be hanging over like a grey cloud. That would not be fair. After you shake off the initial shock and reaction of the "cat being let out of the bag", put on your Momma combat boots and fight those emotions and claim back your lighthouse status. Your daughter needs you to light the way for her. You can do this by leading the way by understanding that you are not responsible for the consequences your son has, for the choices he made. You do not need to wear a cloak of humiliation and shame, and neither does your daughter. As for any who ask what happened? It is up to you what you will share. For me? My daughter Tornado has her picture posted on the internet police page, bench warrant for her arrest. It will probably be in the newspaper and on a segment on local news. That's a first for her, and me. If anyone asks, I will tell them that I love her and pray for her, but she has made some unfortunate choices. Period. Healing, you have got this. It is time for your Mama bear to come out and fight for stability for your daughter and your household. Get back on that cliff and let your light shine. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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