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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 765582" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Letgo, </p><p>Welcome to CD. Glad that you have found us.</p><p>You have posted on Healings thread, which is fine, but you will receive more responses if you start your own.</p><p> That’s hard, Letgo, I am sorry for the heartache. 16 months is a long time to not know what’s going on with your adult child.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I’m sure you have been on a difficult path raising your daughter. She is an adult now and has a responsibility to receive mental health care that will help regulate her issues. The fact that she can get aggressive can be a threat to your safety. </p><p>Letting go doesn’t mean that we don’t feel the sadness and grief of our wayward loved ones choices. We still love our adult kids and wish the best for them. Another term</p><p>for letting go is detachment and there is a great article on that linked below <a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">Article on Detachment | Parent Emeritus</a></p><p>I’ve found it essential for my health to process the feelings, that’s why I write here, CD is like a living journal with kind folks offering wisdom and support. One thing I have worked on is to stop trying to predict my twos future. It only causes me stress. Staying present is really important. It is a work in progress, day by day.</p><p></p><p></p><p>One thing you have on your side right now is time. Since your daughter is in jail, it offers you some respite and time to process and think things through. I’m sure after no contact for 16 months, this new development with your daughter is a trigger for you. It can be confusing as you know what, when after no contact our wayward kids are back in the picture so to speak and our hearts are involved. If we slow down and filter our knee jerk reactions, we can ponder and pray on what a healthy response would look like. Make a list of pros and cons to initiating contact. Especially since your daughter can get aggressive. Work out what boundaries you would set, if your daughter responds. I have a daughter who has been in and out of jail since 2018. I had to set boundaries on our phone contact as at times she has been manipulative and always asks for money on her account. I am on a limited budget, and I don’t think it is my responsibility to fund her “extras” in jail. She is also 35. A grown woman. If she wants money, she can get on the work line. If she wants to argue, I let her know that I won’t engage. </p><p>I’m glad you have found us. You can copy and paste your post on your own thread, then more folks will be able to see your post and respond. </p><p>Take care and take time for yourself!</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 765582, member: 19522"] Hi Letgo, Welcome to CD. Glad that you have found us. You have posted on Healings thread, which is fine, but you will receive more responses if you start your own. That’s hard, Letgo, I am sorry for the heartache. 16 months is a long time to not know what’s going on with your adult child. I’m sure you have been on a difficult path raising your daughter. She is an adult now and has a responsibility to receive mental health care that will help regulate her issues. The fact that she can get aggressive can be a threat to your safety. Letting go doesn’t mean that we don’t feel the sadness and grief of our wayward loved ones choices. We still love our adult kids and wish the best for them. Another term for letting go is detachment and there is a great article on that linked below [URL="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/"]Article on Detachment | Parent Emeritus[/URL] I’ve found it essential for my health to process the feelings, that’s why I write here, CD is like a living journal with kind folks offering wisdom and support. One thing I have worked on is to stop trying to predict my twos future. It only causes me stress. Staying present is really important. It is a work in progress, day by day. One thing you have on your side right now is time. Since your daughter is in jail, it offers you some respite and time to process and think things through. I’m sure after no contact for 16 months, this new development with your daughter is a trigger for you. It can be confusing as you know what, when after no contact our wayward kids are back in the picture so to speak and our hearts are involved. If we slow down and filter our knee jerk reactions, we can ponder and pray on what a healthy response would look like. Make a list of pros and cons to initiating contact. Especially since your daughter can get aggressive. Work out what boundaries you would set, if your daughter responds. I have a daughter who has been in and out of jail since 2018. I had to set boundaries on our phone contact as at times she has been manipulative and always asks for money on her account. I am on a limited budget, and I don’t think it is my responsibility to fund her “extras” in jail. She is also 35. A grown woman. If she wants money, she can get on the work line. If she wants to argue, I let her know that I won’t engage. I’m glad you have found us. You can copy and paste your post on your own thread, then more folks will be able to see your post and respond. Take care and take time for yourself! (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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