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Substance Abuse
At my wits end ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 732604" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>My son who is 29 when he was 19 was diagnosed with a chronic potentially fatal disease acquired at birth. Our lives went down the tubes.</p><p></p><p>While I am his adoptive mother, he blamed me for the disease he has due to the lifestyle of this birth mother . He felt contaminated. Stigmatized. Defective. He feels he is a marked person.</p><p></p><p>This is markedly different from his personality as a child.</p><p></p><p>Like you I felt mad. I did not deserve this. But scared. I am terrified he will die. I have no way to protect him. Or myself. From the fate that could be ours, I am powerless.</p><p></p><p>I think there may be similarities in our stories.</p><p></p><p>Anger is a self protective mechanism for me too. By this I contain to some extent my fear and extreme vulnerability. By responding to my son's problematic behavior with anger I get some distance from my real vulnerability and fear. But what a great price I pay when I do this.</p><p></p><p>I think your daughter may be trying to protect you, by acting out. Perhaps my son is doing something similar. Testing me. </p><p></p><p>She seems to be saying: I am not worth so much. You will not lose much. I am just a big problem.</p><p></p><p>At the same time she may be punishing you as is my own son. There is nothing fun or fair in this. I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 732604, member: 18958"] Welcome. My son who is 29 when he was 19 was diagnosed with a chronic potentially fatal disease acquired at birth. Our lives went down the tubes. While I am his adoptive mother, he blamed me for the disease he has due to the lifestyle of this birth mother . He felt contaminated. Stigmatized. Defective. He feels he is a marked person. This is markedly different from his personality as a child. Like you I felt mad. I did not deserve this. But scared. I am terrified he will die. I have no way to protect him. Or myself. From the fate that could be ours, I am powerless. I think there may be similarities in our stories. Anger is a self protective mechanism for me too. By this I contain to some extent my fear and extreme vulnerability. By responding to my son's problematic behavior with anger I get some distance from my real vulnerability and fear. But what a great price I pay when I do this. I think your daughter may be trying to protect you, by acting out. Perhaps my son is doing something similar. Testing me. She seems to be saying: I am not worth so much. You will not lose much. I am just a big problem. At the same time she may be punishing you as is my own son. There is nothing fun or fair in this. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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At my wits end ...
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