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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 756572" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Overwhelmed ~ Many of us have had the experience of putting up boundaries with our adult children only to be met with them bringing out the big guns. It's typical when you make changes for someone who wants to keep things the same to really push back.</p><p></p><p>With your daughter I would expect she will put herself and therefore her children in a worse financial situation before she gets it. And I think there's also a good chance she will use the grandchildren against you. It's not unusual in these cases for the adult child to accuse the parent of not caring about the grandchildren and then keeping the grandchildren away as a bargaining chip. </p><p></p><p>As for your son, do I have it right that he's a 35 year old man, not working, has a hefty temper and is living for free in your house with this girlfriend? This is just my opinion but I feel strongly, if I have this right, you need some help with getting him to move out. For your sanity it seems getting him out will help you most to start to take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>But from my experience, starting with calling the police might not be helpful. Here's a scenario ~ An adult child won't move out and he tries to scare the parent into getting back in line by yelling at her and punching a wall by her face. She calls the police. They come to be met with a woman who is very upset and seeming like the "crazy" one. On the other hand he and his girlfriend are very calm and both explain to the police how she always acts crazy. He and the girlfriend explain how what you say happened didn't happen at all, there's power in numbers in these situations. The police tell him if you all can't get along maybe he should move out. He tells them he's been working on that but he doesn't know who will take care of his crazy mother if he's not there. The police tell the mother if she really doesn't want her son and his girlfriend there she can go up to the court house and file to have them evicted (which will take months). The police leave shaking their heads, glad they don't have to put up with a mother like that, hope she gets help for herself.</p><p></p><p>That exact scenario did not happen to me, but has to others I know of. I think the police could be part of your solution but don't think they are the first and only part.</p><p></p><p>Someone had suggested contacting the domestic violence organization in your area to see what help you can get from them. I know in my area there is a group who work with domestic violence victims at the county level. Anyone who goes into court on a restraining order situation has no choice but to talk to them around here. But you don't have to have already gotten to to the point of a restraining order to seek their help. I think looking for these folks in your town or county and starting by meeting with them to discuss your situation would be a safe start. Also I would not tell your son about any of the support you are seeking, warning him this way would not be good for you.</p><p></p><p>Oh and by the way, I also want to tell you that you are not bothering anyone here by posting often. Actually considering your situation I know I'd much rather see you on here often.</p><p></p><p>This is all a one step at a time thing, often a giant leap backwards and then a going forward one step at a time again. It's tough, and you don't deserve any of this, big hug to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 756572, member: 22840"] Overwhelmed ~ Many of us have had the experience of putting up boundaries with our adult children only to be met with them bringing out the big guns. It's typical when you make changes for someone who wants to keep things the same to really push back. With your daughter I would expect she will put herself and therefore her children in a worse financial situation before she gets it. And I think there's also a good chance she will use the grandchildren against you. It's not unusual in these cases for the adult child to accuse the parent of not caring about the grandchildren and then keeping the grandchildren away as a bargaining chip. As for your son, do I have it right that he's a 35 year old man, not working, has a hefty temper and is living for free in your house with this girlfriend? This is just my opinion but I feel strongly, if I have this right, you need some help with getting him to move out. For your sanity it seems getting him out will help you most to start to take care of yourself. But from my experience, starting with calling the police might not be helpful. Here's a scenario ~ An adult child won't move out and he tries to scare the parent into getting back in line by yelling at her and punching a wall by her face. She calls the police. They come to be met with a woman who is very upset and seeming like the "crazy" one. On the other hand he and his girlfriend are very calm and both explain to the police how she always acts crazy. He and the girlfriend explain how what you say happened didn't happen at all, there's power in numbers in these situations. The police tell him if you all can't get along maybe he should move out. He tells them he's been working on that but he doesn't know who will take care of his crazy mother if he's not there. The police tell the mother if she really doesn't want her son and his girlfriend there she can go up to the court house and file to have them evicted (which will take months). The police leave shaking their heads, glad they don't have to put up with a mother like that, hope she gets help for herself. That exact scenario did not happen to me, but has to others I know of. I think the police could be part of your solution but don't think they are the first and only part. Someone had suggested contacting the domestic violence organization in your area to see what help you can get from them. I know in my area there is a group who work with domestic violence victims at the county level. Anyone who goes into court on a restraining order situation has no choice but to talk to them around here. But you don't have to have already gotten to to the point of a restraining order to seek their help. I think looking for these folks in your town or county and starting by meeting with them to discuss your situation would be a safe start. Also I would not tell your son about any of the support you are seeking, warning him this way would not be good for you. Oh and by the way, I also want to tell you that you are not bothering anyone here by posting often. Actually considering your situation I know I'd much rather see you on here often. This is all a one step at a time thing, often a giant leap backwards and then a going forward one step at a time again. It's tough, and you don't deserve any of this, big hug to you. [/QUOTE]
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