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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 756584" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Good for you! You don't owe anyone any explanations and do not need to defend your new choices. Nobody has the right to your money or debit card. </p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would make sure immediately that my daughter no longer has access to any of my finances. I would shut down access to my debit and credit cards, taking her off any accounts she is possibly on, changing online passwords to any accounts , and making sure my finances are locked down right with me being the only person who has access. </p><p></p><p>I made a mistake some years ago giving my daughter my credit card to go to the store for us and buy things for the family. She took advantage by getting a few small things for herself a few times and saying I would have let her get it if I had been with her. Which is probably true. But I realized from that that it's not observing proper financial boundaries when I give my adult children my card. I have since been extremely careful to observe financial boundaries. I always had this vision of living in absolute trust with my children - the way I am with my parents - but at the present time that is not possible based on what I have observed when I have given my children that trust. I needed to reel it in and protect my assets. </p><p></p><p>I will keep your grandchildren in my prayers. And I am sending you courage and strength for when you talk to your son. Something I recently learned about confidence: speaking calmly, not using too many words, not explaining myself, not defending myself, addressing the processes that are happening rather than the feelings, standing/sitting straight up, shoulders back, and not reacting to anything that is being said, not fidgeting. </p><p></p><p>Keep us posted on how it goes for you. When he does move, make sure you ask for the key back and you might even want to change the locks. My friend had both her trailer and her house broken into when her son owed money to drug dealers. </p><p></p><p>Much love!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 756584, member: 24254"] Good for you! You don't owe anyone any explanations and do not need to defend your new choices. Nobody has the right to your money or debit card. If it were me, I would make sure immediately that my daughter no longer has access to any of my finances. I would shut down access to my debit and credit cards, taking her off any accounts she is possibly on, changing online passwords to any accounts , and making sure my finances are locked down right with me being the only person who has access. I made a mistake some years ago giving my daughter my credit card to go to the store for us and buy things for the family. She took advantage by getting a few small things for herself a few times and saying I would have let her get it if I had been with her. Which is probably true. But I realized from that that it's not observing proper financial boundaries when I give my adult children my card. I have since been extremely careful to observe financial boundaries. I always had this vision of living in absolute trust with my children - the way I am with my parents - but at the present time that is not possible based on what I have observed when I have given my children that trust. I needed to reel it in and protect my assets. I will keep your grandchildren in my prayers. And I am sending you courage and strength for when you talk to your son. Something I recently learned about confidence: speaking calmly, not using too many words, not explaining myself, not defending myself, addressing the processes that are happening rather than the feelings, standing/sitting straight up, shoulders back, and not reacting to anything that is being said, not fidgeting. Keep us posted on how it goes for you. When he does move, make sure you ask for the key back and you might even want to change the locks. My friend had both her trailer and her house broken into when her son owed money to drug dealers. Much love! [/QUOTE]
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