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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 756621" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>So much wisdom and strength in that post. I need courage lately, especially. I'm failing, I feel, at being who I genuinely want to be out of my own self-imposed fears of what I think will become of my younger son living in his car.</p><p></p><p>He has roped me into meeting up with him about 3 x's a week (when I say that, I know it's me who's done the roping) to get his phone chargers. When I do this, I am obliged to look at his car heaping with blankets and a pillow and "stuff" crammed into it. I look at his pitiful uncleaned self, dirty clothes and lack of self-worth and my insides cry to help him. I don't want to do this but I'm struggling once again to detach with love. I advanced him $200 based on what he will receive from the "anticipated" stimulas package. How lame is that? I twisted things around to give myself an out. To make a "good" excuse for myself.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when I post. I have days filled with strength and courage and other days, like now, I'm ashamed of my behavior.</p><p></p><p>I think OW you're doing similar to what I'm feeling with my son. They know how to "rope us in". He's not stupid, he's surely felt the end is near for his living arrangement with you. Maybe subconsciously buying the lawn mower he thinks he's biding himself more time. Because your heart will soften thinking of this "good deed" he has done. Similar to when I see my son (who is really doing nothing to convince me to help him) but my heart softens, seeing how broken and unable to function he is.</p><p></p><p>Hope I didn't steal this thread <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 756621, member: 23405"] Copa, So much wisdom and strength in that post. I need courage lately, especially. I'm failing, I feel, at being who I genuinely want to be out of my own self-imposed fears of what I think will become of my younger son living in his car. He has roped me into meeting up with him about 3 x's a week (when I say that, I know it's me who's done the roping) to get his phone chargers. When I do this, I am obliged to look at his car heaping with blankets and a pillow and "stuff" crammed into it. I look at his pitiful uncleaned self, dirty clothes and lack of self-worth and my insides cry to help him. I don't want to do this but I'm struggling once again to detach with love. I advanced him $200 based on what he will receive from the "anticipated" stimulas package. How lame is that? I twisted things around to give myself an out. To make a "good" excuse for myself. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when I post. I have days filled with strength and courage and other days, like now, I'm ashamed of my behavior. I think OW you're doing similar to what I'm feeling with my son. They know how to "rope us in". He's not stupid, he's surely felt the end is near for his living arrangement with you. Maybe subconsciously buying the lawn mower he thinks he's biding himself more time. Because your heart will soften thinking of this "good deed" he has done. Similar to when I see my son (who is really doing nothing to convince me to help him) but my heart softens, seeing how broken and unable to function he is. Hope I didn't steal this thread :( [/QUOTE]
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