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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 756883" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>Well, that is one advantage to his not working--one less person exposing themselves to any potential illness. It's just hard seeing him sitting around all day doing nothing. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. I have to say, things have gone much better with him than what we expected, although far from perfect. He generally cleans up after himself and keeps his room very clean. However, some of his reactions are puzzling. Here's an example: We were eating dinner the other night and he and my husband were talking sports, which is about the only way they "bond". So then I happened to ask if he would wash up the three plates, forks, knives, and a pot that needed washing. Right away, he got this angry look on his face. I left the room to do something for several minutes, but I could hear him carrying on to my husband (who was washing the dishes). He was saying something like, "If you don't want to do the dishes, just leave them and I'll probably do them, but I'm NOT going to be asked. I'm not some housemaid!" Despite all we've done for him and are doing, he was highly insulted when I asked him to wash the dishes, claiming that I was treating him like a housemaid. What...? He got mad way out of proportion to what the situation was. </p><p>So I'm not going to ask anymore; if he offers to do them, fine; but by the same token, I won't be going out of my way to do things for him either like I have been (buying a few special food items he likes, baking things he likes, etc.) </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are not a bad person; good grief, from your description, it sounds like you have done a lot for both of your kids. Sometimes we do things for our kids because it makes US feel better, at least for the moment. But long-term, it's not doing them any good. When Josh was still out in Denver and I was anxious about him, sometimes I just had to tell myself, "Just for today, I'm not sending any money or reaching out to check on him." I literally had to take it day by day and leave it open-ended, just to curb the anxiety a little bit.It was like if I knew I COULD send money at some future time if my anxiety got too high, then I could relax about not sending money at that moment. I don't know if that makes any sense but it seemed to help me at the time. This whole thing is pretty much a day-by-day thing for all of us. </p><p>I think we have the illusion that we are responsible for saving them and if we don't DO SOMETHING, everything will go down the tube without us. It isn't true, but that's what I think we believe sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 756883, member: 22597"] Well, that is one advantage to his not working--one less person exposing themselves to any potential illness. It's just hard seeing him sitting around all day doing nothing. I agree. I have to say, things have gone much better with him than what we expected, although far from perfect. He generally cleans up after himself and keeps his room very clean. However, some of his reactions are puzzling. Here's an example: We were eating dinner the other night and he and my husband were talking sports, which is about the only way they "bond". So then I happened to ask if he would wash up the three plates, forks, knives, and a pot that needed washing. Right away, he got this angry look on his face. I left the room to do something for several minutes, but I could hear him carrying on to my husband (who was washing the dishes). He was saying something like, "If you don't want to do the dishes, just leave them and I'll probably do them, but I'm NOT going to be asked. I'm not some housemaid!" Despite all we've done for him and are doing, he was highly insulted when I asked him to wash the dishes, claiming that I was treating him like a housemaid. What...? He got mad way out of proportion to what the situation was. So I'm not going to ask anymore; if he offers to do them, fine; but by the same token, I won't be going out of my way to do things for him either like I have been (buying a few special food items he likes, baking things he likes, etc.) You are not a bad person; good grief, from your description, it sounds like you have done a lot for both of your kids. Sometimes we do things for our kids because it makes US feel better, at least for the moment. But long-term, it's not doing them any good. When Josh was still out in Denver and I was anxious about him, sometimes I just had to tell myself, "Just for today, I'm not sending any money or reaching out to check on him." I literally had to take it day by day and leave it open-ended, just to curb the anxiety a little bit.It was like if I knew I COULD send money at some future time if my anxiety got too high, then I could relax about not sending money at that moment. I don't know if that makes any sense but it seemed to help me at the time. This whole thing is pretty much a day-by-day thing for all of us. I think we have the illusion that we are responsible for saving them and if we don't DO SOMETHING, everything will go down the tube without us. It isn't true, but that's what I think we believe sometimes. [/QUOTE]
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