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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756913" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This sounds like a very nice invitation in my view and appropriate. Do you think she is trying to insinuate herself again in your good graces, so as to continue the same terms in the relationship? How are you to know unless you have contact?</p><p></p><p>But that doesn't mean you have to go. You could call her and tell her that you have other plans, but appreciate so much the invitation. You don't have to tell her what your other plans are, even if you want to relax by yourself. But that would open the line of communication. It sounds like you wanted that.</p><p>I may be forgetting something. I'm unclear why you want to ignore her. You missed her and the children, and were tremendously worried. You want to have a relationship with her, as far as I know. You want it to be a healthy relationship.</p><p></p><p>As far as accepting the invitation, I think the decision might rest in your confidence in yourself to set boundaries, to not react, to have strategies in place to exit, and to be in control of your expectations. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you could post a few of your fears, about the worst things that could happen, and maybe write why you think you should not go. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you don't want to see her at this point. Do you?</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I think this is a good thing, because you were so worried. Eventually you will have to face some contact, if you want a relationship with her and/or the children. The decision is yours to make about where and when and preparing yourself. </p><p></p><p>Your learning (and mine, too) is to learn to be healthy in relationships. By that it's learning that we are responsible to create the relationships we want. We do that by discovering what we want and what we need, and holding ourselves to that. Not letting other people define for us what our relationships will be. That way we can hold onto ourselves, and not lose touch with our wants and needs. That way we can leave if the situation is no longer serving us. This is doable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756913, member: 18958"] This sounds like a very nice invitation in my view and appropriate. Do you think she is trying to insinuate herself again in your good graces, so as to continue the same terms in the relationship? How are you to know unless you have contact? But that doesn't mean you have to go. You could call her and tell her that you have other plans, but appreciate so much the invitation. You don't have to tell her what your other plans are, even if you want to relax by yourself. But that would open the line of communication. It sounds like you wanted that. I may be forgetting something. I'm unclear why you want to ignore her. You missed her and the children, and were tremendously worried. You want to have a relationship with her, as far as I know. You want it to be a healthy relationship. As far as accepting the invitation, I think the decision might rest in your confidence in yourself to set boundaries, to not react, to have strategies in place to exit, and to be in control of your expectations. Maybe you could post a few of your fears, about the worst things that could happen, and maybe write why you think you should not go. Maybe you don't want to see her at this point. Do you? Anyway, I think this is a good thing, because you were so worried. Eventually you will have to face some contact, if you want a relationship with her and/or the children. The decision is yours to make about where and when and preparing yourself. Your learning (and mine, too) is to learn to be healthy in relationships. By that it's learning that we are responsible to create the relationships we want. We do that by discovering what we want and what we need, and holding ourselves to that. Not letting other people define for us what our relationships will be. That way we can hold onto ourselves, and not lose touch with our wants and needs. That way we can leave if the situation is no longer serving us. This is doable. [/QUOTE]
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