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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757051" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Gosh Beta, this is NOT good. I am thinking and thinking what you could do to not be subject to his tirades, and I can't come up with anything except like you say, to keep your distance. If at all possible could you minimize any interaction with him except what is essential? It's not right that you be scapegoated.</p><p>This is such a high price to pay. </p><p></p><p>My son has not done anything specifically directed at me but I am despondent at the situation, that I am caught in this spiral of insecurity and despair, at the effect of his cockamamie and irresponsible decisions. Again. After years of the same. I feel despair and self-hatred because I keep falling, and have so little control of the bottom line of my own life, if his stupidity can cause me to fall, like a domino.</p><p></p><p>I have no answers. None at all. We love them. We're connected to them at the deepest level of our being. Yesterday, I found myself wondering (again) if it wouldn't be possible to just decide to never see or speak with my son again, as a way to protect myself. How could I do it? </p><p></p><p>It just feels so very sad that 30 years of loving a child would come to wanting to never see and speak to him, out of a desperate wish to remain safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757051, member: 18958"] Gosh Beta, this is NOT good. I am thinking and thinking what you could do to not be subject to his tirades, and I can't come up with anything except like you say, to keep your distance. If at all possible could you minimize any interaction with him except what is essential? It's not right that you be scapegoated. This is such a high price to pay. My son has not done anything specifically directed at me but I am despondent at the situation, that I am caught in this spiral of insecurity and despair, at the effect of his cockamamie and irresponsible decisions. Again. After years of the same. I feel despair and self-hatred because I keep falling, and have so little control of the bottom line of my own life, if his stupidity can cause me to fall, like a domino. I have no answers. None at all. We love them. We're connected to them at the deepest level of our being. Yesterday, I found myself wondering (again) if it wouldn't be possible to just decide to never see or speak with my son again, as a way to protect myself. How could I do it? It just feels so very sad that 30 years of loving a child would come to wanting to never see and speak to him, out of a desperate wish to remain safe. [/QUOTE]
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