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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="Overwhelmed1" data-source="post: 757452" data-attributes="member: 24921"><p>Good morning to all my brave friends.</p><p>It has been a little bit since I have had the courage to write about my struggles. </p><p></p><p>I am ashamed that I can't make a decision and stick to them. </p><p>Mad at myself for continuing to be used and unable to stand up for myself.</p><p>Confused and discouraged that I don't know how to ask for help. </p><p>Scared I will never be free of this life I live. </p><p></p><p>I am scatter brained. Up and down. Feel good just to fall back to having the same old negative feelings flood in.</p><p></p><p>I read all the posts hoping to grab hold of the awesome advice shared.</p><p>I lie to myself that all is good. That I am strong and making great strides to better my situation. </p><p></p><p>My body hurts. The ibuprofen is not working as good. I was ordered a drug to help with the pain and the depression and never went to get it.</p><p>Couldn't come up with the courage to call the therapist my doctor gave me the number to.</p><p></p><p>There is no honesty around me. Both my son and daughter pull the wool over me and I continue to let them.</p><p>I don't have the courage or strength to fight it. </p><p></p><p>I feel like a cry baby writing this. I know what I need to do so do it and stop whining about it. What is wrong with me?</p><p></p><p>I feel so alone and worthless and no one can help me but me. So I wallow in my misery and do nothing. When I can't take it in any longer, I write here, hit post reply and pretend I feel better now.</p><p></p><p>I go days feeling I can make it throught the day, it isn't as bad as I make it sound. Then I become anxious, stressed, confused and defeated for days. </p><p></p><p>I know I am not making any sense with what I am writing but that is just how senseless I feel too.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for letting me speak my feelings without judgement. I am really letting myself down.</p><p></p><p>Peace and Love</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Overwhelmed1, post: 757452, member: 24921"] Good morning to all my brave friends. It has been a little bit since I have had the courage to write about my struggles. I am ashamed that I can't make a decision and stick to them. Mad at myself for continuing to be used and unable to stand up for myself. Confused and discouraged that I don't know how to ask for help. Scared I will never be free of this life I live. I am scatter brained. Up and down. Feel good just to fall back to having the same old negative feelings flood in. I read all the posts hoping to grab hold of the awesome advice shared. I lie to myself that all is good. That I am strong and making great strides to better my situation. My body hurts. The ibuprofen is not working as good. I was ordered a drug to help with the pain and the depression and never went to get it. Couldn't come up with the courage to call the therapist my doctor gave me the number to. There is no honesty around me. Both my son and daughter pull the wool over me and I continue to let them. I don't have the courage or strength to fight it. I feel like a cry baby writing this. I know what I need to do so do it and stop whining about it. What is wrong with me? I feel so alone and worthless and no one can help me but me. So I wallow in my misery and do nothing. When I can't take it in any longer, I write here, hit post reply and pretend I feel better now. I go days feeling I can make it throught the day, it isn't as bad as I make it sound. Then I become anxious, stressed, confused and defeated for days. I know I am not making any sense with what I am writing but that is just how senseless I feel too. Thank you all for letting me speak my feelings without judgement. I am really letting myself down. Peace and Love [/QUOTE]
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