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<blockquote data-quote="skittles" data-source="post: 754094" data-attributes="member: 2484"><p>Wow, I feel for you and your decisions. I too come here infrequently now and have done so for years. Again whenever I get overwhelmed or question my judgement. The wealth of experience on this forum is a life saver. It is also a safe place with no judgement. I understand the gulf you feel from others with healthy children. My son went to prison for armed robbery. I didnt tell anyone other than my husband for nearly 2 years of his sentence. I was ashamed and embarressed, I lied at holidays etc about why he wasnt there. I knew people would be uncomfortable. I was grieving the loss of every dream of a future i had for my son, but we no support in that grief because we didnt tell anyone. So I understand that gulf very well. As for your daughter asking for $50, although it doesn’t sound like much and you may be feeling guilty for not giving it to her, you in your heart know it’s not about that $50. it’s the boundary that $50 represents. she knows you’ve set boundaries and so she’s trying to set a lower bar to see if she can get you to cross it. And honestly $50 isn’t going to make her break her, she’ll survive without it. for some people the $50 is worth keeping that connection like another poster has said. I do give my son money just to stay connected now and then. I don’t give him a whole lot but he’s currently relatively stable for him and living with a girlfriend who has three children. honestly I’m afraid if I don’t give him a little money now and then so he can help contribute to the household she will kick him out and he’ll show up on my door step, And then I’ll have to send him away and it’s heartbreaking. that’s just my way of dealing with him everyone has their own. only you know what the consequences of giving into her could be. so for you you’ve made the right decision and I presume you just come here for that moral support that we all need so badly here. Stay strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="skittles, post: 754094, member: 2484"] Wow, I feel for you and your decisions. I too come here infrequently now and have done so for years. Again whenever I get overwhelmed or question my judgement. The wealth of experience on this forum is a life saver. It is also a safe place with no judgement. I understand the gulf you feel from others with healthy children. My son went to prison for armed robbery. I didnt tell anyone other than my husband for nearly 2 years of his sentence. I was ashamed and embarressed, I lied at holidays etc about why he wasnt there. I knew people would be uncomfortable. I was grieving the loss of every dream of a future i had for my son, but we no support in that grief because we didnt tell anyone. So I understand that gulf very well. As for your daughter asking for $50, although it doesn’t sound like much and you may be feeling guilty for not giving it to her, you in your heart know it’s not about that $50. it’s the boundary that $50 represents. she knows you’ve set boundaries and so she’s trying to set a lower bar to see if she can get you to cross it. And honestly $50 isn’t going to make her break her, she’ll survive without it. for some people the $50 is worth keeping that connection like another poster has said. I do give my son money just to stay connected now and then. I don’t give him a whole lot but he’s currently relatively stable for him and living with a girlfriend who has three children. honestly I’m afraid if I don’t give him a little money now and then so he can help contribute to the household she will kick him out and he’ll show up on my door step, And then I’ll have to send him away and it’s heartbreaking. that’s just my way of dealing with him everyone has their own. only you know what the consequences of giving into her could be. so for you you’ve made the right decision and I presume you just come here for that moral support that we all need so badly here. Stay strong. [/QUOTE]
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