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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 762053" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I am in Nar Anon (Narcotics Anonymous) four blessed years now and it saved my life. We learn not not not to involve ourselves with our addicted childrens choices (and not to enable or save them) or to badger our spouses in how they respond to them. Our help does not help and is resented and it is none of our business. Did your husband say he wants to not see his son if his son isn't sober? Or is that your feelings? Your idea? Are you trying to control the situation? You simply put can not.</p><p></p><p> Our sons and spouses will only stop when they want to. No threat will make your stepson clean even if that's the only way he can see his father. But it won't be. Your husband still wants to see his son and he will, whether his son is sober or not. He may lie to you. You can't stop them. His dad has to be be the one who decides to stop enabling. His son has to stop using. Our interference makes things worse. Spousal resentment. Lying. Fighting. Your own helplessness. You need to work on you.You can't save your son or husband. We can only change ourselves and how we respond to situations. You can't successfully stop others from behaving the way you hope they will. I recommend joining Natrcotics Anonymous. My lifesaver.</p><p> It's on Zoom now and you can find meetings on the internet.</p><p></p><p>Your husband wants to see his son.or he would not. It's time to focus on your life and what you want. Therapy also helps. Your business and their dance are separate things.</p><p></p><p>Our Nar Anon group is Thurdays at 6:30 cst...anyone can come. You will learn tons and get sane. And make Zoom friends. Our group is so loving.</p><p></p><p>Please join any NA group if you want your life back. Love and hugs. You know this game needs to change for YOU. You matter!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 762053, member: 23706"] I am in Nar Anon (Narcotics Anonymous) four blessed years now and it saved my life. We learn not not not to involve ourselves with our addicted childrens choices (and not to enable or save them) or to badger our spouses in how they respond to them. Our help does not help and is resented and it is none of our business. Did your husband say he wants to not see his son if his son isn't sober? Or is that your feelings? Your idea? Are you trying to control the situation? You simply put can not. Our sons and spouses will only stop when they want to. No threat will make your stepson clean even if that's the only way he can see his father. But it won't be. Your husband still wants to see his son and he will, whether his son is sober or not. He may lie to you. You can't stop them. His dad has to be be the one who decides to stop enabling. His son has to stop using. Our interference makes things worse. Spousal resentment. Lying. Fighting. Your own helplessness. You need to work on you.You can't save your son or husband. We can only change ourselves and how we respond to situations. You can't successfully stop others from behaving the way you hope they will. I recommend joining Natrcotics Anonymous. My lifesaver. It's on Zoom now and you can find meetings on the internet. Your husband wants to see his son.or he would not. It's time to focus on your life and what you want. Therapy also helps. Your business and their dance are separate things. Our Nar Anon group is Thurdays at 6:30 cst...anyone can come. You will learn tons and get sane. And make Zoom friends. Our group is so loving. Please join any NA group if you want your life back. Love and hugs. You know this game needs to change for YOU. You matter!!! [/QUOTE]
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