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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741607" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Lil. I would not like it either about the lost job. But consider the type of jobs these are that he gets. They are by nature unstable and temporary. But the thing is this: Your son is capable of so much more. At some point this potential will be tapped and he will demand more of himself, and seek better. </p><p></p><p>I would worry about the friend living with them, too. And I would not like it. I remember when this friend was laying around that other apartment, when son was working. Is fiancée strong enough where she will put her foot down? It would be one thing if this friend from the past was contributing, but quite another to be freeloading, with her carrying him. I would hate it. Why should she permit this? What does Jabber say?</p><p></p><p>I do not understand much about why people are drawn together as a couple. In my young adulthood I believed that I should want to be with a man who was highly successful, a good catch. Good looks, confidence, sense of humor, charm, self-confidence, were all important, but all "surface."</p><p></p><p>Now I have a completely different idea of my needs. I believe I choose based upon the ability to deeply trust a person; the wanting to be near to them, and not leave; the deep caring for their welfare and wanting to protect it; feeling safe and protected; enjoyment of their company; not wanting to be without them. Ever. It is more about staying power and sticking power. Even if bad things come up, you don't want to leave. It is almost less about the positives and more about the forcefield that keeps you adhered to one another. </p><p></p><p>If I think about it this way, it is not about attributes it is about energy, the energy that one coupling generates for the two people, between them and inside of each of them. It seems clear that your son wants to be with her and she wants to be with him, on some deep level, independent of the "surface" stuff. But there are realities here. They are moving towards marriage which involves a future and mutual dependency.</p><p></p><p>Son needs to up his game. I agree. Son needs to step up. He needs to see that he is responsible for and to his fiancée. This is what personal growth is in a relationship, I guess. The awareness that a situation calls for more, and the commitment to do it. He is now in a realm where he needs to be husband material. We will see how he handles this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741607, member: 18958"] Hi Lil. I would not like it either about the lost job. But consider the type of jobs these are that he gets. They are by nature unstable and temporary. But the thing is this: Your son is capable of so much more. At some point this potential will be tapped and he will demand more of himself, and seek better. I would worry about the friend living with them, too. And I would not like it. I remember when this friend was laying around that other apartment, when son was working. Is fiancée strong enough where she will put her foot down? It would be one thing if this friend from the past was contributing, but quite another to be freeloading, with her carrying him. I would hate it. Why should she permit this? What does Jabber say? I do not understand much about why people are drawn together as a couple. In my young adulthood I believed that I should want to be with a man who was highly successful, a good catch. Good looks, confidence, sense of humor, charm, self-confidence, were all important, but all "surface." Now I have a completely different idea of my needs. I believe I choose based upon the ability to deeply trust a person; the wanting to be near to them, and not leave; the deep caring for their welfare and wanting to protect it; feeling safe and protected; enjoyment of their company; not wanting to be without them. Ever. It is more about staying power and sticking power. Even if bad things come up, you don't want to leave. It is almost less about the positives and more about the forcefield that keeps you adhered to one another. If I think about it this way, it is not about attributes it is about energy, the energy that one coupling generates for the two people, between them and inside of each of them. It seems clear that your son wants to be with her and she wants to be with him, on some deep level, independent of the "surface" stuff. But there are realities here. They are moving towards marriage which involves a future and mutual dependency. Son needs to up his game. I agree. Son needs to step up. He needs to see that he is responsible for and to his fiancée. This is what personal growth is in a relationship, I guess. The awareness that a situation calls for more, and the commitment to do it. He is now in a realm where he needs to be husband material. We will see how he handles this. [/QUOTE]
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