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Parent Emeritus
Back in the dark lonesome hole.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 722296" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Usually people can't fully understand the heartache of another, but I have a decent understanding of where you are coming from and probably most here do as well.</p><p></p><p>I totally "get" that draining of the life force that can happen when working with folks like this ...especially close relatives like an adult child.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I have talked about this very often.</p><p></p><p>You sound wise and strong.</p><p></p><p>A little clarification...I absolutely do not think you should go with her to therapy. Nooooo. You , if you chose to go, might go to therapy by yourself for that sounding board. But ironically, some therapists might not fully understand (at least at first) how freakin draining adult "kids" with this disorder can be.</p><p></p><p>We have boundaries in place on almost everything. And she tries to break them VERY often. For example, she can not call us until 9 am. She can text before 9 am if it is extremely urgent. Recently, she is on a kick where she is texting almost every day. She texted me about 7:15 am "please have dad call me...it's important." I ignored it.</p><p></p><p>We know people who ended up divorced at least partially due to having a bipolar child. One woman had a nervous breakdown. We know of one family that did exactly what you are describing and moved secretly. Not sure, but I think at most she would text her adult bipolar child now and then. Maybe a second home in a secret location relatively far away would be something to consider for frequent breaks. We found and still do find that getting away is helpful. Boundaries are extremely helpful, but our child and it seems yours as well, tends to push and test the limits as much as possible.</p><p></p><p>Ironically, we are on a trip in another state right now (long story) and there is a certain comfort to it.</p><p></p><p>PS That "why can't she learn from her past"thing is what brought me to therapy. Scares the crxp out of me. No cause and effect reasoning. No learning ....no planning. Our daughter is doing miniscully better in these areas of late. She has been through hell. I had to ask my Higher Power to take this pain from me. I do t understand it and probably never will as she is an intelligent young woman and some things don't make sense.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 722296, member: 4152"] Usually people can't fully understand the heartache of another, but I have a decent understanding of where you are coming from and probably most here do as well. I totally "get" that draining of the life force that can happen when working with folks like this ...especially close relatives like an adult child. My husband and I have talked about this very often. You sound wise and strong. A little clarification...I absolutely do not think you should go with her to therapy. Nooooo. You , if you chose to go, might go to therapy by yourself for that sounding board. But ironically, some therapists might not fully understand (at least at first) how freakin draining adult "kids" with this disorder can be. We have boundaries in place on almost everything. And she tries to break them VERY often. For example, she can not call us until 9 am. She can text before 9 am if it is extremely urgent. Recently, she is on a kick where she is texting almost every day. She texted me about 7:15 am "please have dad call me...it's important." I ignored it. We know people who ended up divorced at least partially due to having a bipolar child. One woman had a nervous breakdown. We know of one family that did exactly what you are describing and moved secretly. Not sure, but I think at most she would text her adult bipolar child now and then. Maybe a second home in a secret location relatively far away would be something to consider for frequent breaks. We found and still do find that getting away is helpful. Boundaries are extremely helpful, but our child and it seems yours as well, tends to push and test the limits as much as possible. Ironically, we are on a trip in another state right now (long story) and there is a certain comfort to it. PS That "why can't she learn from her past"thing is what brought me to therapy. Scares the crxp out of me. No cause and effect reasoning. No learning ....no planning. Our daughter is doing miniscully better in these areas of late. She has been through hell. I had to ask my Higher Power to take this pain from me. I do t understand it and probably never will as she is an intelligent young woman and some things don't make sense. [/QUOTE]
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