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<blockquote data-quote="amazeofgrace" data-source="post: 138885" data-attributes="member: 4864"><p>one of the main reasons I have returned to the boards, is I feel like I am rapidly backslidding. I am getting more and more depressed by the day. Gaining weight like crazy. And I feel quite hopeless.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child II has been rapid cycling and each day he gets worse and worse. I know a stay at the hospital again is in the near future. This morning I was punched and kicked and swared at, and all because I wanted him to go to school.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child I is failing 9th grade <strong>again</strong>. And I feel another run in with the law is emminent with him. He is stubborn and unmotivated in every way shape and form. And in 1 1/2 years he's 18, geesh, that's scarey.</p><p> </p><p>I feel like I am barely surviving raising my kids. How sad is that??<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/not_fair.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":not_fair:" title="not_fair :not_fair:" data-shortname=":not_fair:" /></p><p> </p><p>S2BX calls once a week to talk to the kids. He is very cold and quick with me. I know now that he's sober, he is blaming me. And I, the fool, keep questioning if I did the "right" thing. I know the answer. I know I am nuts for entertaining these thoughts. But I did/do love the man. But reality is he was and always will be abusive, sober or not. It will take him years to work through all his issues. I get a knot everytime I look at the calendar and realize he's getting out of rehab in just 3 1/2 months.</p><p> </p><p>I was listening to the song "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. It made me think of S2BX and it also made me reflect on both my difficult child's.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/crying.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":crying:" title="crying :crying:" data-shortname=":crying:" />I cried buckets.</p><p> </p><p>UGH I think I am premenopausal or something.</p><p> </p><p>thank you for listening to me rattle<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/talkhand.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":talkhand:" title="talkhand :talkhand:" data-shortname=":talkhand:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="amazeofgrace, post: 138885, member: 4864"] one of the main reasons I have returned to the boards, is I feel like I am rapidly backslidding. I am getting more and more depressed by the day. Gaining weight like crazy. And I feel quite hopeless. difficult child II has been rapid cycling and each day he gets worse and worse. I know a stay at the hospital again is in the near future. This morning I was punched and kicked and swared at, and all because I wanted him to go to school. difficult child I is failing 9th grade [B]again[/B]. And I feel another run in with the law is emminent with him. He is stubborn and unmotivated in every way shape and form. And in 1 1/2 years he's 18, geesh, that's scarey. I feel like I am barely surviving raising my kids. How sad is that??:not_fair: S2BX calls once a week to talk to the kids. He is very cold and quick with me. I know now that he's sober, he is blaming me. And I, the fool, keep questioning if I did the "right" thing. I know the answer. I know I am nuts for entertaining these thoughts. But I did/do love the man. But reality is he was and always will be abusive, sober or not. It will take him years to work through all his issues. I get a knot everytime I look at the calendar and realize he's getting out of rehab in just 3 1/2 months. I was listening to the song "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. It made me think of S2BX and it also made me reflect on both my difficult child's.:crying:I cried buckets. UGH I think I am premenopausal or something. thank you for listening to me rattle:talkhand: [/QUOTE]
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