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Been here before. Looking for some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 739998" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Smithmom has some great insights and suggestions here. I’d like to second those, with a caveat: she’s going to have to learn how to get out of her comfort zone at some point, in some ways. Maybe that looks like taking 3/4 of her classes online but taking classes with creative components or lab work in person. Or maybe it’s the classes most closely related to whatever field she chooses, so she has a chance to interact with other people going into that field. Maybe it’s taking things slowly, a couple classes at a time, with whatever supports her college offers.</p><p></p><p>But if we don’t get outside our comfort zones our worlds become too small. Even for Aspies. Temple Grandin is one of my personal heros - I’ve seen her speak live twice and read all her books. She’s phenomenal live. But she wouldn’t be able to get up there and do that, and would not have had success with her books and career, if she never came out from under her bed.</p><p></p><p>I wasn’t diagnosed until I was well into my career and raising four kids, and I can’t even begin to express what a relief it was to start to understand myself. Whole pieces of my childhood snapped into place and suddenly made sense. And I was able to start finding accommodations for myself that work for me. But I really see my late diagnosis as a partial blessing, too. My family refused to accommodate my differences or see anything wrong with me, and that was incredibly hard. But it also forced me to do things I might not have otherwise, and learn on my own how to exist in a world that didn’t seem to be designed for me. I had some great help along the way - I think I wrote above about my wonderful first boss, who remained one of my dearest friends until his recent death. And I had other mentors, too, who were critical to my success. But I had to be willing to get out of my comfort zone and try new things, and I had to learn strategies for overcoming my anxiety and dealing with the sensory overload.</p><p></p><p>I had to learn what things to avoid entirely, when to use accommodations to get through things, and when to grit my teeth and power through. Avoiding everything isn’t the answer. </p><p></p><p>Now I’ve organized my life in ways that are much more comfortable for me. As smithmom pointed out, I don’t need as much social interaction as most - but I do need some. I have a partner who is quiet like me, has her own quirks and understands mine. We live in the country with lots of animals. I work from home now, freelance. I have a closet full of near identical outfits because fashion makes no sense to me and I’d rather not waste the energy thinking about what to wear. I eat the same thing at the same time for breakfast and lunch pretty much every day and rotate through a menu of dinners. Between Amazon and Shipt, I can arrange life so I rarely have to leave our property - and often don’t, for days or even a couple weeks at a time.</p><p></p><p>But we have friends over regularly, get out to see family and friends, and even occasionally venture into the big city for dinner or a show. I have friends all over the country from my pre-freelance life and sometimes travel to see them.</p><p></p><p>The things I learned by getting out into the big world, and the connections I made, have been vital to the life I have built now. I have a business because I know people who can give me work and introduce me to others who can use my services. I have to be able to navigate those introductions and present myself appropriately to secure business and build trust. Sometimes that involves in person meetings.</p><p></p><p>The bottom line is there is a difference between choosing not to do something and not being able to do something. You don’t want your daughter’s world to be constrained by ‘can’t’ even if she ultimately decides she prefers not to engage in some more social or active things. If she stays behind a screen forever, she’ll never know if that’s what she really wants or if that’s just what she feels like she can handle.</p><p></p><p>So take it slow, give her supports, do it with love, but do pull her out of her comfort zone. I went through a lot of unnecessary pain with my no-supports entry into the adult world that I certainly do not wish on your daughter. I wish I had known more about myself then, and had more support and guidance. But I don’t regret having to learn how to manage my symptoms and reactions and navigate a big wide world with other people. I love having my safe retreat, but I’m glad it has not become a prison of my own making.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 739998, member: 23349"] Smithmom has some great insights and suggestions here. I’d like to second those, with a caveat: she’s going to have to learn how to get out of her comfort zone at some point, in some ways. Maybe that looks like taking 3/4 of her classes online but taking classes with creative components or lab work in person. Or maybe it’s the classes most closely related to whatever field she chooses, so she has a chance to interact with other people going into that field. Maybe it’s taking things slowly, a couple classes at a time, with whatever supports her college offers. But if we don’t get outside our comfort zones our worlds become too small. Even for Aspies. Temple Grandin is one of my personal heros - I’ve seen her speak live twice and read all her books. She’s phenomenal live. But she wouldn’t be able to get up there and do that, and would not have had success with her books and career, if she never came out from under her bed. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was well into my career and raising four kids, and I can’t even begin to express what a relief it was to start to understand myself. Whole pieces of my childhood snapped into place and suddenly made sense. And I was able to start finding accommodations for myself that work for me. But I really see my late diagnosis as a partial blessing, too. My family refused to accommodate my differences or see anything wrong with me, and that was incredibly hard. But it also forced me to do things I might not have otherwise, and learn on my own how to exist in a world that didn’t seem to be designed for me. I had some great help along the way - I think I wrote above about my wonderful first boss, who remained one of my dearest friends until his recent death. And I had other mentors, too, who were critical to my success. But I had to be willing to get out of my comfort zone and try new things, and I had to learn strategies for overcoming my anxiety and dealing with the sensory overload. I had to learn what things to avoid entirely, when to use accommodations to get through things, and when to grit my teeth and power through. Avoiding everything isn’t the answer. Now I’ve organized my life in ways that are much more comfortable for me. As smithmom pointed out, I don’t need as much social interaction as most - but I do need some. I have a partner who is quiet like me, has her own quirks and understands mine. We live in the country with lots of animals. I work from home now, freelance. I have a closet full of near identical outfits because fashion makes no sense to me and I’d rather not waste the energy thinking about what to wear. I eat the same thing at the same time for breakfast and lunch pretty much every day and rotate through a menu of dinners. Between Amazon and Shipt, I can arrange life so I rarely have to leave our property - and often don’t, for days or even a couple weeks at a time. But we have friends over regularly, get out to see family and friends, and even occasionally venture into the big city for dinner or a show. I have friends all over the country from my pre-freelance life and sometimes travel to see them. The things I learned by getting out into the big world, and the connections I made, have been vital to the life I have built now. I have a business because I know people who can give me work and introduce me to others who can use my services. I have to be able to navigate those introductions and present myself appropriately to secure business and build trust. Sometimes that involves in person meetings. The bottom line is there is a difference between choosing not to do something and not being able to do something. You don’t want your daughter’s world to be constrained by ‘can’t’ even if she ultimately decides she prefers not to engage in some more social or active things. If she stays behind a screen forever, she’ll never know if that’s what she really wants or if that’s just what she feels like she can handle. So take it slow, give her supports, do it with love, but do pull her out of her comfort zone. I went through a lot of unnecessary pain with my no-supports entry into the adult world that I certainly do not wish on your daughter. I wish I had known more about myself then, and had more support and guidance. But I don’t regret having to learn how to manage my symptoms and reactions and navigate a big wide world with other people. I love having my safe retreat, but I’m glad it has not become a prison of my own making. [/QUOTE]
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