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Parent Emeritus
Been here before. Looking for some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 740120" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Just my observation maybe but oppositional is a behavior, not the root if the behavior. Eg oppositional may result from forcing me sit in a row boat in a thunderstorm. My absolute terror might force me to do something outside my character. That's fear but not anxiety disorder.</p><p></p><p>I can tell you that my son was in over 20 "programs", most residential. Had a dozen formal evaluations, couple dozen therapists, etc, etc. Not once does the term Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or anything like it come up. Rages, can't get along with others, etc but under every rage and argument with other was some fear of contamination incident. He still won't admit it or outright define it that way even to me but that's at the bottom. I was there. I asked and got the stories from him which he would deny when I'd tell the therapist. The smarter we are the better at hiding it we are.</p><p></p><p>Yes, old evaluations matter. But they only tell what she'll admit. And that's only what she sees as true. Remember, she says there's nothing wrong with her. Not that I disagree with that. But what I see as wrong is her ability to function in our society for her chronological age. Not wrong, just not at the level that others do. I hate the word normal so refuse to use it, especially in the context of autism.</p><p></p><p>So maybe forget setting rules, forget diagnosis and get her to focus on what she, not you or anyone else, wants for her future. Then she has to make a plan to get there. Ask her to think about it and give you a written or visual definition of where she wants to be in 10 years. This is where development comes in. A 19 year old doing this is different from a 12 year old doing it. She needs to realize, as a 19 year old should, that she doesn't want to be in your house. Maybe in an apt alone. Then ask her for a plan on how she wants to get to there. But make it a very short chat. Her life, her plans.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 740120, member: 23371"] Just my observation maybe but oppositional is a behavior, not the root if the behavior. Eg oppositional may result from forcing me sit in a row boat in a thunderstorm. My absolute terror might force me to do something outside my character. That's fear but not anxiety disorder. I can tell you that my son was in over 20 "programs", most residential. Had a dozen formal evaluations, couple dozen therapists, etc, etc. Not once does the term Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or anything like it come up. Rages, can't get along with others, etc but under every rage and argument with other was some fear of contamination incident. He still won't admit it or outright define it that way even to me but that's at the bottom. I was there. I asked and got the stories from him which he would deny when I'd tell the therapist. The smarter we are the better at hiding it we are. Yes, old evaluations matter. But they only tell what she'll admit. And that's only what she sees as true. Remember, she says there's nothing wrong with her. Not that I disagree with that. But what I see as wrong is her ability to function in our society for her chronological age. Not wrong, just not at the level that others do. I hate the word normal so refuse to use it, especially in the context of autism. So maybe forget setting rules, forget diagnosis and get her to focus on what she, not you or anyone else, wants for her future. Then she has to make a plan to get there. Ask her to think about it and give you a written or visual definition of where she wants to be in 10 years. This is where development comes in. A 19 year old doing this is different from a 12 year old doing it. She needs to realize, as a 19 year old should, that she doesn't want to be in your house. Maybe in an apt alone. Then ask her for a plan on how she wants to get to there. But make it a very short chat. Her life, her plans. [/QUOTE]
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