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<blockquote data-quote="gardengirl1958" data-source="post: 676740" data-attributes="member: 19929"><p>SuZir,</p><p> Because both my husband's family and mine have shunned us because we have Aspergers and because our lifestyle doesn't fit into their idea of materialism, we are on our own with our son who is 21. Our son, ironically is the only grandchild to carry the family name. At Christmas time, I feel so much loss of family love. My husband and son don't feel this but I feel it strongly. I feel it on all special days or during health or life crises, but Christmas is particularly worse. </p><p></p><p>I have joyful memories of family traditions and times when the violence at home was less and the days were actually happy. I miss the voices and the laughter, the decorating, and the wrapping of packages, Christmas visits, and decorating the family tree, and the making and eating of family traditional foods. </p><p></p><p>This Christmas, my heart ached for all of them and all of the traditions. I felt grieved that my son would never know what it felt like or how the feast tasted or the sights, sounds, and smells that were so exhilarating and filled with French tradition. I ached for all of it so much so that I started watching old black and white Christmas movies on Youtube back in October and I'm still searching them out into January. I miss the love and sharing tradition and family memories together so badly.</p><p></p><p>I feel lost about this. I carry on all of it in my heart by myself. My husband does the same but with much less sentimentality. The times were so much simpler. The 60s and 70s were to me a happy childhood. There was a lot of violence at home for me, but mostly at Christmas, the joyful spirit would calm it down and instead be centered around gathering together to celebrate in all the different ways of then.</p><p></p><p>It's so hard to not have anyone who remembers with me. My siblings are not sentimental like me and they don't communicate with me. I am the one who carries that torch and my mom knew I would be the one so she left me with the last of the keepsake ornaments before she died. This year, I decided to hang them all. In my heart, each one was like your candles on the tomb stones. I am in many ways, the last one. I knew Mom gave me those ornaments because she knew I would be the only one who cared to remember. I think she hoped my son would have his own family and carry on with being the keeper of the family treasures and memories. </p><p></p><p>I get scared when I think my son will be all alone when my husband and I die. He will feel our loss so strongly for we have had to be all family relationships to him. At this time, he has no desire to marry and have a family. I have thought about what life for him will be after we're gone - and I worry.</p><p></p><p>I try very hard to make our little family Christmas special to us, but in my heart, I always know and feel all those people gone and so much of our heritage lost. I am the only one who cares enough to remember. </p><p></p><p>I appreciate your story. I wish I could find a way to capture all of the good from then and somehow give it to my son. But how? So I try to make our time as full of love as possible. I'm not great at it, but I keep trying. </p><p>Yesterday, as I was packing up the ornaments, I found an old collection of Christmas cards tucked in one of the boxes. I opened them to read them and I was moved to tears. The collection (that I had forgotten) were some of the best of the Christmas cards my husband and I had written to each other over 31 years and I had found a few cards from family members we dearly loved who are now long gone. </p><p></p><p>I was amazed at what I found written in the cards! It was my own little family's love journey and legacy! I didn't realize that we were writing our own family Christmas legacy for our son, but there it was for him to find!</p><p></p><p>It occurred to me that I need to make extra effort in the future to collect all the Christmas cards we write to each other and save them in this box so that one day, when my son pulls out the boxes to decorate, he will find them and remember us and who we were together - the 3 Muskateers!</p><p></p><p>I decided yesterday that what I'm going to start doing every year is to hang these cards as part of our decorations on a memory garland. Every year we can look back over these cards and remember our journey as a family. I am also making videos of teaching my son some of the things we made at Christmas time when I was a child. He will always have these.</p><p></p><p>So when I ache for the family I lost, I am now trying to turn that energy into building memories for my son. I think it was very wonderful that your son had placed candles on the graves. He remembered.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gardengirl1958, post: 676740, member: 19929"] SuZir, Because both my husband's family and mine have shunned us because we have Aspergers and because our lifestyle doesn't fit into their idea of materialism, we are on our own with our son who is 21. Our son, ironically is the only grandchild to carry the family name. At Christmas time, I feel so much loss of family love. My husband and son don't feel this but I feel it strongly. I feel it on all special days or during health or life crises, but Christmas is particularly worse. I have joyful memories of family traditions and times when the violence at home was less and the days were actually happy. I miss the voices and the laughter, the decorating, and the wrapping of packages, Christmas visits, and decorating the family tree, and the making and eating of family traditional foods. This Christmas, my heart ached for all of them and all of the traditions. I felt grieved that my son would never know what it felt like or how the feast tasted or the sights, sounds, and smells that were so exhilarating and filled with French tradition. I ached for all of it so much so that I started watching old black and white Christmas movies on Youtube back in October and I'm still searching them out into January. I miss the love and sharing tradition and family memories together so badly. I feel lost about this. I carry on all of it in my heart by myself. My husband does the same but with much less sentimentality. The times were so much simpler. The 60s and 70s were to me a happy childhood. There was a lot of violence at home for me, but mostly at Christmas, the joyful spirit would calm it down and instead be centered around gathering together to celebrate in all the different ways of then. It's so hard to not have anyone who remembers with me. My siblings are not sentimental like me and they don't communicate with me. I am the one who carries that torch and my mom knew I would be the one so she left me with the last of the keepsake ornaments before she died. This year, I decided to hang them all. In my heart, each one was like your candles on the tomb stones. I am in many ways, the last one. I knew Mom gave me those ornaments because she knew I would be the only one who cared to remember. I think she hoped my son would have his own family and carry on with being the keeper of the family treasures and memories. I get scared when I think my son will be all alone when my husband and I die. He will feel our loss so strongly for we have had to be all family relationships to him. At this time, he has no desire to marry and have a family. I have thought about what life for him will be after we're gone - and I worry. I try very hard to make our little family Christmas special to us, but in my heart, I always know and feel all those people gone and so much of our heritage lost. I am the only one who cares enough to remember. I appreciate your story. I wish I could find a way to capture all of the good from then and somehow give it to my son. But how? So I try to make our time as full of love as possible. I'm not great at it, but I keep trying. Yesterday, as I was packing up the ornaments, I found an old collection of Christmas cards tucked in one of the boxes. I opened them to read them and I was moved to tears. The collection (that I had forgotten) were some of the best of the Christmas cards my husband and I had written to each other over 31 years and I had found a few cards from family members we dearly loved who are now long gone. I was amazed at what I found written in the cards! It was my own little family's love journey and legacy! I didn't realize that we were writing our own family Christmas legacy for our son, but there it was for him to find! It occurred to me that I need to make extra effort in the future to collect all the Christmas cards we write to each other and save them in this box so that one day, when my son pulls out the boxes to decorate, he will find them and remember us and who we were together - the 3 Muskateers! I decided yesterday that what I'm going to start doing every year is to hang these cards as part of our decorations on a memory garland. Every year we can look back over these cards and remember our journey as a family. I am also making videos of teaching my son some of the things we made at Christmas time when I was a child. He will always have these. So when I ache for the family I lost, I am now trying to turn that energy into building memories for my son. I think it was very wonderful that your son had placed candles on the graves. He remembered....... [/QUOTE]
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