Being placed in a program - from the teens viewpoint

[Rotsne]

OK - They live in the present and may not think what is good for them on long-term basis.

You are probably wondering to yourself, what program should I send my kid to?
I want to help you in this important decision.
Who am I? I am somebody with intimate knowledge of the inner workings of this industry, and have donated my valuable time to help parents just like yourself. I don't ask for a referral fee because I do this out of the obligation I feel to help parents just like you in this sometimes difficult journey!

First we will get started with what you can start doing right away.

These are the INITIAL STEPS

• 1. Do not mention to your kid you are considering sending them away. Do not leave brochures or websites visible. Kids know a lot about the internet, and can even check your browsing history or have key loggers. It's best to keep the research confined to your private computer, or work computer.
• 2. Don't assume everything you read on the internet is true. Both programs, and program detractors lie and exaggerate to enhance their argument. Take everything with a grain of salt. Think about it, this is the internet after all!
• 3. You don't have to be rich for your kid to attend a program. There are loans available, or if you're willing to work a little bit you can pay the entire way by referring other people's kids to programs. Just like me!
• 4. Don't tell the extended family of your plans. You are under no obligation, and often they make trouble and interfere with the process. Take it from me, the less people you tell the better.

Why should I consider sending my child to a program?

There are many wonderful reasons for sending your child to a program, almost too many to list! These are just a few of the reasons.

• 1. Get rid of that trouble kid. This is obvious, but it can't be stressed enough. Is your school calling you every few days to complain about your kid being in trouble and ditching? Isn't that annoying? Problem solved, you will not receive any annoying calls from a program if your kid is misbehaving.
• 2. No more embarrassment and shame! This is a biggie. Many families develop a certain reputation in their sometimes exclusive neighborhoods for having a deeply troubled child. This can reflect badly on the parents. People will wonder, why are you such bad parents that you raised such a bad kid? Your kid's friends will tell their parents what is going on in your home, and the neighborhood will be talking behind your back about how bad your kids are. Do you want that? Likely not! Nobody will know what happened to your kid if you send them to a program. You can even tell them the kid was accepted into an exclusive private school for gifted college bound children! The sky is the limit on the interesting excuses you can come up with for the unannounced disappearance of your child.
• 3. Allow your other children to get the attention they deserve. A troubled kid can often take the time and attention of parents, leaving the other siblings in the dark. Don't you want to give your other children the attention they deserve? A bad apple can ruin the entire bunch, and children are no different. It's best to get the negative influence out of the situation and work on saving the children that actually have a chance to succeed. Remember, two out of three successful children is not a bad statistic, that's better a professional baseball player's hitting average!
• 4. If you choose to allow the kid to return before they turn 18 (a risky decision) they should be better behaved and listen to your commands and carry them out without question and snark. It is our humble suggest however that you place the kid until they turn 18. That way they have plenty of time to work on themselves, and you can send them straight into the military from there, or if they did exceptionally well, a community college. Most programs will allow adult children to live at the program while they transition back into civil society. This way, you do not have to deal with a child who is considering returning into their old behaviors.

Some reasons why sending your kid away is a good idea

• 1. Talking back
  A disobedient child must be fixed if they are going to make it in the corporate world. Do you want your kid to get fired from their important job for talking back as a result of your bad parenting?
• 2. Chews with mouth open
  Your kid will never make it in the world if they have disgusting habits like this. Programs will teach them to eat with their mouth closed, and not blabber about useless topics while eating. The dinner table should be a quiet place of reflection, not a blabber table.
• 3. Ditches school
  This is extremely dangerous sign. If this is going on, call a program today. This means your kid is "quitting" school, which also translates to them being a quitter in real life. That means they will grow up to be a bum. Could you live with the shame with your child being homeless and begging?
• 4. Smelled like cigarette smoke
  This means they are smoking or hanging around with people that do. Tobacco is a lethal product that will kill your kid. If you do nothing, you are saying you don't care if your child lives or dies. Shame on you for not taking responsibility to save your own child!
• 5. Red eyes
  This means your kid is on drugs. Probably heroin or cocaine, and more than likely they are addicted. Some kids have reported seeing other kids **** **** for cocaine, which is very alarming. Do you want your kid participating in sexual favors in exchange for drugs? I hope not, call a program today.
• 6. Step parent
  Are you stuck with an ungrateful bratty kid that isn't even yours? Why even bother, right? No explanation needed here, you get it.
• 7. Adoption
  Did you get a lemon? Unfortunately there are no lemon laws when it comes to adopted kids. Sometimes they are just not grateful that they were saved and brought into a loving family. You tried your hardest for a decade or more, now as a teen they are acting like you did them no favor. Programs will teach the kid to be grateful for their parents adopting them. They can bring families back together once again.
• 8. Sex
  Do you suspect your child is having sex? Nothing is as disgusting and disgraceful as premarital sex. Special tip: some programs have a way to keep your kid there until they are 21 years old. Nothing is a priceless as saving your child's virginity for as long as possible.
• 9. Gay Disease
  Does your child show symptoms of contracting the gay disease? Programs are specifically equipped to deal with these symptoms, and even cure the disease. Do you want your child to join you in heaven or be cast down to hell for eternity?
• 10. B's
  Do you require your child to get straight A's, like any good parent would? Are they falling behind in school and getting B's? This most likely means they are on drugs, and need to be placed in a program immediately.

How can I get my kid in a program if they won't go?

This is a common worry. You know that if your kid is tipped off to their up and coming placement, they might run away forever and never return. That is a legitimate worry, because it's happened before to many people. This is why you must keep it a secret and show no signs of weakness. That means no tears, not long hugs saying you love them, NOTHING! Do not let on what is about to transpire, you will regret it.



These are a few of the ways to get your unwilling kid into a program:

• 1. Escort services. NO, not that kind of escort service you pervert! These professionals will come to your house at midnight when your kid is asleep. Then you the parent will be asked to wake the kid. These people are large and in charge, so the kid will not be able to run or fight back. This is a great option for parents who are afraid of their kid. They will use pepper spray and handcuffs if necessary, but typically the kid is so overwhelmed by shock and betrayal this is not required. They will drive your kid all the way to the program from your house, requiring nothing more from you to open the front door and cut a check. It doesn't get much easier and seamless than that!
• 2. If you have some sort of emotional attachment to the kid in question, perhaps you prefer to take them yourself. Warning! This can be tricky, and might result in the kid running if they suspect a program is the destination. Tell the kid you are going on vacation, or driving to a friend's cabin in the forest. Whatever it takes. By the time you pull into the parking lot, and the kid starts to figure it out, staff will be outside your car ready to deal with the situation. It is an economical choice for those without sufficient funds to hire an escort.
• 3. Lie to your kid and get them to go willingly. This is the most risky of all options, because it requires the kid to agree to go to "boarding school" or "camp". Many programs publish brochures that show the facility to be a fun and open experience. They show girls and boys interacting and going water skiing. Many kids will jump at this chance, because it seems exciting and fun! If you think your kid is this gullible, it can save a lot of trouble and money to go this route.

But sometime we have to put ourselves in the shoes of our children so we can understand how they think. When I speak with my children they are always thinking short-term. Months is eternity for them. I cannot talk graduation or goals after high school with them, so it is easy for me to understand how posts like the one quoted above can emerge. A year long program would sound like a life-sentence for them.

Are you experiencing the same short-term focus with your children?

 

[meowbunny]

Rotnse, I have no idea what your agenda is but you are so out of line in most of your posts it is nauseating. This one takes you right over the top.

Most of us who sent our kids to RTCs did not and do not do so because it makes life easier for us. We did it to save our kids. How dare you post such rot!

I have never been this angry with a poster on any forum in my life but I am now. If I thought the mods here would let me, I tell you in far, far stronger terms what I think of you, your posts, your holier-than-thou attitude and your extreme arrogance. Stay in Belgium, I doubt any in America miss you even the slightest.

 

[Fran]

I am sure a difficult teen would think the way this adult wrote. Unfortunately it paints a slanted, discolored picture.
It also minimalizes the work that was done and the pain involved to find a way to raise a child within a family. It minimalizes the damage a difficult child teen does to the siblings, the parents, the extended family. It minimalizes the failures of learning the foundations of educations to survive in the world and it definitely implies that they are the only ones who count and all resources within the family should be at their disposal.

It is very hurtful to me personally to think someone thinks that sending a child to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is so my family could have it easy. So we aren't embarrassed?!? This poster is trying to inflict that sort of pain. The point is to help them. We are so past embarrassment and sociably acceptable that these are moot points. We love our son and nothing but nothing helped him regain control of his emotional outbursts and total dysfunction.
Saving him was our priority and if I had to crawl on my knees or sell our home I would have done it. Even to the point of detriment to the rest of the family.
We will always suffer fall out from the damage a difficult child does but if you are a self absorbed difficult child you only see your anger and not anyone else's suffering. This poster is angry and is trying to get a rise out of adults and make them very defensive. I feel those feelings rising.

I resent this posters implications and understand everyone has an opinion but this person is not a parent of a difficult child. They have not walked in my shoes. I owe this particular poster no apologies or explanations. I did what I did for the well being of my child. Too bad if they don't like it. They get to raise and be judged when they are parents.

 

[Genny]

I too am puzzled as to why you posted this. Yes, difficult child's typically have disordered thinking...that's pretty much a given. My difficult child thought similarly to the person who wrote that rediculous post - until she matured and was able to understand why she was sent to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (several years after the fact). If a child is able to understand the need for such a program and is raring to go voluntarily then chances are they'll comply with an in-home program and don't need Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in the first place. In our case it was a matter of saving difficult child from herself and getting her to the point where she could make less self-destructive choices. It took a lot of time, effort, and yes - an out-of-home placement - but she made it. I'm proud to say that she's a junior in college and a wonderful, responsible mom. She still doesn't thank us for sending her to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but at least she understands why we made that decision and has thanked us numerous times for never giving up on her. I hope the person who wrote that post gains the same maturity and perspective with time.

Genny

 

[susiestar]

Rotsne,

This is totally offensive to me. The entire brochure, or whatever it is you are "quoting". Do I require my child get only A's like all good parents do? Is child bringing home b's?

I can't thing of a single parent here who is thinking of sending a child to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for ANY reason other than current behaviors endangering the lives of ALL family members. Bs are NOT reasons MOST think of for sending a child away.

Like Fran I would have crawled on my knees in front of Gof and anyone else to ge the help my child needed.

"Gay Disease"

I truly have made allownaces for cultural differences in regard to your past post, but THIS post is over the top. I find it offensive, highly so. And I feel sorry for your family. Whatever happened to unconditional love a parent shows to a child? They are not trained monkeys to perform on command, the way you seem to describe the "perfect child" as.


Whatever your goal on this forum, please be considerate that many will NOT find help nnor haven from ANYONE who is cruel enough to pass this kind of literature around.

As I understand it, your government as a case worker assigned to your family. The more you post the more I see this as much needed.

I am terribly offended.

 

[Rotsne]

Well, I found it on a message board, which are for survivors of programs. The tone is as harsh as it is among the groups on Facebook/Myspace if a single Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is pointed out. It is a discolored picture and maybe the youth think that is as easy decision, but we know that just the thought of accepting that our child should live outside our home a year or more would be hard to accept.

We went through this phase when our family coach suggested an continuation school to break her social isolation because she was not partying as the other youth but remained at home or at the library after school reading books / playing video-games / watching television BESIDE doing her chores without any problems.

As it is with community service, continuation schools are a punishment for a crime in our culture and because she wasn't convicted of a crime we fought the decision and won, but had to let her get an implant to protect her against pregnancy from drug rape and find a party environment with alcohol so she could be among peers without being blown to pieces.

So I understand the sleepless nights and if presenting the debate as it is among students in High School and at colleges means that I offended you, I am sorry.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

 

[Lothlorien]

Rotsne,
Placing children in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or any other treatment program has got to be one of the most painful experiences a parent goes through. There are many, many parents on this site that have had to go through this. It is extremely emotional, painful and heartwrenching experience.

As most of our posters have tried to be sensitive to your cultural differences and have been more than kind in posting to you, you should really think more about the way your posts effect the general public on this forum. Most of our members find this hurtful.

I'm going to lock this.