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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 672650" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The fiancee was something like twelve or fourteen years ago. D H and I were both still working, so maybe longer. They were doing well, he started using again, and she left him. Before she did, she insisted he come home with her and tell us the truth. That was the time D H took over, I think.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I think that is true.</p><p></p><p>But we just kept believing drug use was some innocuous, secondary thing. We kept thinking there was ore to the roaring destruction of a son taking himself apart. Child of Mine posted once that addiction is a terminal disease. And I think sometimes we think the kids aren't taking it seriously. But what if they do know, and what if they cannot stop. What are those minutes and hours like.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So, remember my posting about my sister's actions toward my daughter when she was not thinking right after the beating and was posting away on Facebook and then, sister dropped daughter cold after milking her for every detail first so she could FB me for whatever reason she did that? And, once her thinking was better, daughter posted back and skewered sister with exquisite precision?</p><p></p><p>Your post reminds me of that time: <em>When he had been an addict and my son had only been a fetus.</em></p><p></p><p>It was like that, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I love the way you phrased this with <em>exquisite precision.</em></p><p></p><p>Once we can see, we cannot unsee, ever again. Now, you see who those people were that you have allowed access and been vulnerable to.</p><p></p><p>What they don't know is that now, you do see them. Now, you believe what you see. Before, you did not believe. That is not in your heart. There was nowhere to reflect their reality in your heart, so you believed it could not be true.</p><p></p><p>But it is.</p><p></p><p>And now you see.</p><p></p><p>And that changes everything.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't mean you don't love them.</p><p></p><p>That cannot be changed.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I care. D H allowed from my family what he would never allow. And he stood it for my sake and in my name and I never once let him respond with fire and passion. He could only turn away, which is what my family wanted.</p><p></p><p>To shut him up, and to make him nothing <em>because my mother could not dominate him and my sister could not fool him.</em></p><p></p><p>I just couldn't see it.</p><p></p><p>Now I do.</p><p></p><p>roar</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you sent it out of curiosity. If you do a normal, decent, kindly thing, what will happen. We can do all kinds of thinking like that, once we no longer fear those negative voices and use them to free up the dungeon space. Add a leaded glass window and a butler and some really good Scotch.</p><p></p><p>Then, we put our feet up near the fire (noting that our slippers are hand made, how lovely and warm and just right they feel.) Using our time wisely, we put our newspapers aside and have a look at the sisters.</p><p></p><p>Who seem hardly looming enough, these days, to cast a decent-sized shadow.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You do. I will add those I have accumulated; we will call them stiletto heels.</p><p></p><p>Admiring the fine muscles in our calves we will wear our heels, drinking Scotch by the fire and reminiscing.</p><p></p><p>Serenity will come, wearing her new hat, and IC, and pasa, and Leafy and Feeling and Confused and all of us.</p><p></p><p>Turns out that between you and me and Serenity, Copa? We have more than enough stilettos for everyone to wear stiletto heels, even those reading along that we don't know, but wish well and strong.</p><p></p><p>Remember when the sisters seemed so scary, Copa?</p><p></p><p>It seems puzzling now, how this could have ever been so.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 672650, member: 17461"] The fiancee was something like twelve or fourteen years ago. D H and I were both still working, so maybe longer. They were doing well, he started using again, and she left him. Before she did, she insisted he come home with her and tell us the truth. That was the time D H took over, I think. Yes, I think that is true. But we just kept believing drug use was some innocuous, secondary thing. We kept thinking there was ore to the roaring destruction of a son taking himself apart. Child of Mine posted once that addiction is a terminal disease. And I think sometimes we think the kids aren't taking it seriously. But what if they do know, and what if they cannot stop. What are those minutes and hours like. So, remember my posting about my sister's actions toward my daughter when she was not thinking right after the beating and was posting away on Facebook and then, sister dropped daughter cold after milking her for every detail first so she could FB me for whatever reason she did that? And, once her thinking was better, daughter posted back and skewered sister with exquisite precision? Your post reminds me of that time: [I]When he had been an addict and my son had only been a fetus.[/I] It was like that, Copa. I love the way you phrased this with [I]exquisite precision.[/I] Once we can see, we cannot unsee, ever again. Now, you see who those people were that you have allowed access and been vulnerable to. What they don't know is that now, you do see them. Now, you believe what you see. Before, you did not believe. That is not in your heart. There was nowhere to reflect their reality in your heart, so you believed it could not be true. But it is. And now you see. And that changes everything. It doesn't mean you don't love them. That cannot be changed. I care. D H allowed from my family what he would never allow. And he stood it for my sake and in my name and I never once let him respond with fire and passion. He could only turn away, which is what my family wanted. To shut him up, and to make him nothing [I]because my mother could not dominate him and my sister could not fool him.[/I] I just couldn't see it. Now I do. roar I think you sent it out of curiosity. If you do a normal, decent, kindly thing, what will happen. We can do all kinds of thinking like that, once we no longer fear those negative voices and use them to free up the dungeon space. Add a leaded glass window and a butler and some really good Scotch. Then, we put our feet up near the fire (noting that our slippers are hand made, how lovely and warm and just right they feel.) Using our time wisely, we put our newspapers aside and have a look at the sisters. Who seem hardly looming enough, these days, to cast a decent-sized shadow. You do. I will add those I have accumulated; we will call them stiletto heels. Admiring the fine muscles in our calves we will wear our heels, drinking Scotch by the fire and reminiscing. Serenity will come, wearing her new hat, and IC, and pasa, and Leafy and Feeling and Confused and all of us. Turns out that between you and me and Serenity, Copa? We have more than enough stilettos for everyone to wear stiletto heels, even those reading along that we don't know, but wish well and strong. Remember when the sisters seemed so scary, Copa? It seems puzzling now, how this could have ever been so. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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