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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672792" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Yes Copa this is very true.</p><p></p><p>I can pretty much guess my sisters reactions.</p><p>Coming to a better understanding of myself, seeing through my own eyes. I can see my sister had a need to dominate. Maybe her need was because she actually felt very small inside? I do not know the answer. I do not know why my mom did not stop her. I think she was too tired, and gave in because it was easier. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>With that, who am I?</p><p>I am me.</p><p>She is she.</p><p>That will not change.</p><p></p><p>So, If I know that I cannot open up the floodgates and have a good cry, around my sister, because it makes her uncomfortable, then, I will save my tears for one who understands and can accept my feelings for what they are.</p><p></p><p>I will pick and choose my words accordingly. Tread softly.</p><p></p><p>Just as when I speak with my mom, because she is older, I have to speak slowly, and listen to her stories of trips to the grocery store, like they were an amazing adventure.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Am I losing myself in this? I do not think so. I am gaining much by understanding that I accept myself and my feelings.</p><p></p><p>Not everyone is going to come from that place of acceptance, even those close to us.</p><p></p><p>My husband does not like to hug. My 21 year old, has made it her mission, to give him a hug every time she sees him, and hang on until he hugs her back.</p><p></p><p>She left home, two years ago, feeling at odds with her Dad because he is so stern and stoic. She has come to realize, that she can either focus on the negative, or take what she learned from his "sergeant mode".</p><p></p><p>She turned the weeds into cold compost and filled in that puka, the hole that built up inside of her.</p><p></p><p>She said to me recently, "Mom, Dad can be kind of harsh, and it hurt me all of those years, but you know, I learned a lot from him, and most of my good work ethic is because of him."</p><p>We laughed, then she remembered how many times he would volunteer at her charter school, the teachers would say what a pleasant, happy, hard worker he was. She said "I would think to myself, well send that person home, because I do not know who that man is, you are describing!"</p><p></p><p>So this 21 year old, full of hurt and love for her dad, decided to just show him love. To take the good things and focus on that.</p><p></p><p>Wow.</p><p></p><p>Lots to learn from this young girl.</p><p></p><p>I have spoken with my two girls who witnessed the blow up my sister and I had in the car that day on our trip. My 2nd girl said "Mom, I am younger than you and Aunty, but I am an adult and I had to step in and say something." We talked about it and she said "Aunty is family, family have differences. We try to learn to live together and accept the differences, to get along."</p><p></p><p>Now, that does not mean we cannot have a laugh or cry or two or more over the past. </p><p></p><p>I just saw this clip from a movie about sisters, they had ups and downs and challenges.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]Yd1Bx8u7Om4[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>I think that is my weekend movie to watch.</p><p>(I just love Shirley Maclaine)</p><p>Whatever has been said or done,</p><p>it is true, </p><p>I carry my sisters heart.</p><p></p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672792, member: 19522"] Yes Copa this is very true. I can pretty much guess my sisters reactions. Coming to a better understanding of myself, seeing through my own eyes. I can see my sister had a need to dominate. Maybe her need was because she actually felt very small inside? I do not know the answer. I do not know why my mom did not stop her. I think she was too tired, and gave in because it was easier. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is. With that, who am I? I am me. She is she. That will not change. So, If I know that I cannot open up the floodgates and have a good cry, around my sister, because it makes her uncomfortable, then, I will save my tears for one who understands and can accept my feelings for what they are. I will pick and choose my words accordingly. Tread softly. Just as when I speak with my mom, because she is older, I have to speak slowly, and listen to her stories of trips to the grocery store, like they were an amazing adventure. Am I losing myself in this? I do not think so. I am gaining much by understanding that I accept myself and my feelings. Not everyone is going to come from that place of acceptance, even those close to us. My husband does not like to hug. My 21 year old, has made it her mission, to give him a hug every time she sees him, and hang on until he hugs her back. She left home, two years ago, feeling at odds with her Dad because he is so stern and stoic. She has come to realize, that she can either focus on the negative, or take what she learned from his "sergeant mode". She turned the weeds into cold compost and filled in that puka, the hole that built up inside of her. She said to me recently, "Mom, Dad can be kind of harsh, and it hurt me all of those years, but you know, I learned a lot from him, and most of my good work ethic is because of him." We laughed, then she remembered how many times he would volunteer at her charter school, the teachers would say what a pleasant, happy, hard worker he was. She said "I would think to myself, well send that person home, because I do not know who that man is, you are describing!" So this 21 year old, full of hurt and love for her dad, decided to just show him love. To take the good things and focus on that. Wow. Lots to learn from this young girl. I have spoken with my two girls who witnessed the blow up my sister and I had in the car that day on our trip. My 2nd girl said "Mom, I am younger than you and Aunty, but I am an adult and I had to step in and say something." We talked about it and she said "Aunty is family, family have differences. We try to learn to live together and accept the differences, to get along." Now, that does not mean we cannot have a laugh or cry or two or more over the past. I just saw this clip from a movie about sisters, they had ups and downs and challenges. [MEDIA=youtube]Yd1Bx8u7Om4[/MEDIA] I think that is my weekend movie to watch. (I just love Shirley Maclaine) Whatever has been said or done, it is true, I carry my sisters heart. leafy [/QUOTE]
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