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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672857" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Or,Copa, all you can be, and all she could be too, in a positive light.</p><p>Thoughts and words have power.</p><p></p><p> I think your mother saw your sister through a mothers eyes, Copa. Looking at the good in her. Every one of us has a yin and yang, light and dark, some more than others.</p><p></p><p> Then love is the answer.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It does not matter, if we are enough for ourselves.</p><p> Their interpretations will not concern us, and we will be able to see them in a different light. For we are <em>all</em> striving to become the best us, even the sisters. So, if we view ourselves as the best us, and work towards that, how much more so could we view others the same?</p><p></p><p> Knowing ourself, and seeing ourself and our endless possibilities, helps us to see others with their endless possibilities. Believing in ourselves, helps us to believe in others.</p><p></p><p> We need to be wary and wise, always, don't we? It is what we were born for. So, knowing this, we can be prepared.</p><p></p><p>This makes me think of Polynesian culture. If someone in the family, or close to you, admires something out loud, if it is in our hearts, we <em>give</em> it to them.</p><p>I think, in a way, this prevents envy, jealousy and coveting. If we know this is cultural, then we are careful with our words, and how we speak of other peoples things. It is an interesting concept.</p><p> There is so much to be read in between the lines of actions and words. We say "Make yourself at home." But, really we mean, be comfortable while you are here, not "take the best of what I have".</p><p>If M's sister, did take the little iron, this is not right, but you do not really know if this is so?</p><p>So silly, if she did, when you go to her house, she would have to think of it, and hide it.</p><p>This is sad, isn't it?</p><p>Like my mother, searching for her bracelet, that my sister took. I really think mom suspected Attilla all along, and used me as the go-between (I must be Switzerland, then) to seek it out. She was treading softly. Huh. She was giving my sister a chance to come clean, without drama and accusation. The relationship is preserved. Attilla had to think of her action, and hopefully, learn from her trespass.</p><p></p><p>Drinking expensive Scotch, or malt, may be her way of saying, "how wonderful, that you are able to afford such things, I am making myself at home, thank you. How nice of you to provide this for me."</p><p>So, perhaps if you are going to travel and have M's sister over to care for the dogs, do not have the expensive Scotch on hand, do not have the malt. Have things there that you would welcome her to partake of. She will know of her trespass, and, perhaps do better next time.</p><p>In so, you are not <em>judging</em> her, you are using <em>good judgement </em>in preserving the relationship.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Samoan Polynesian view/Eyes wide open/ Church "Sisters"</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]Q0ghOE72vtM[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p> Smart man M, using good judgement, awareness and understanding we are all imperfect humans, the "tread softly" application. I am thinking of dragon fly spirit. Skimming the surface, a group of people made up of unique individuals, personality traits and imperfections. Deeper-<em>family. </em>The family has much meaning for Polynesians. In watching the "Laughing Samoans" there is a long piece titled "Different Cultures", about a Samoan man with a "palangi" or white woman. It is interesting, because he is trying to explain what a Polynesian family is like in comparison to a Caucasian family. A lot of it rings true for Hawaiians. Family is everything. They are great riddlers and jokers, and if one did not know the love behind it, one would feel insulted. Hawaiians will make fun and laugh and joke, it is done well intended, but really, they are teaching with this, too. It is said, comedians are very intelligent people, they see the lighter side of life. Maybe that is key, to see the lighter side, of our FOO, or those who abused us.</p><p>Would nor Viktor Frankl agree?</p><p></p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]wr6itOBLVQA[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p> Yes, to believe in ourselves, and believe in others. "Crabbing". Over estimating, over rating, realists being idealists. What a concept. To recognize "the "spark" of search for meaning, to presuppose it and elicit it from others. To think that if we just recognize it- helps them become what they are in principle, capable of becoming. So instead of branding people with what they have done, or are doing, to see this spark in them. Doesn't that apply to our dcs? Not that we will go back to enabling, but instead of constant fret and worry, we see their spark, and their search for meaning? Tread softly, change the thought pattern, change the conversational pattern.</p><p>For our FOO, as well. Those left of our FOO.</p><p></p><p>To come to find the meaning of it all,</p><p>before we move on from this earthly realm.</p><p></p><p>Radical acceptance, to see all things this way.</p><p>To envision the spark in everyone.</p><p></p><p>Wouldn't that be a peaceful ending and beginning.</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672857, member: 19522"] Or,Copa, all you can be, and all she could be too, in a positive light. Thoughts and words have power. I think your mother saw your sister through a mothers eyes, Copa. Looking at the good in her. Every one of us has a yin and yang, light and dark, some more than others. Then love is the answer. It does not matter, if we are enough for ourselves. Their interpretations will not concern us, and we will be able to see them in a different light. For we are [I]all[/I] striving to become the best us, even the sisters. So, if we view ourselves as the best us, and work towards that, how much more so could we view others the same? Knowing ourself, and seeing ourself and our endless possibilities, helps us to see others with their endless possibilities. Believing in ourselves, helps us to believe in others. We need to be wary and wise, always, don't we? It is what we were born for. So, knowing this, we can be prepared. This makes me think of Polynesian culture. If someone in the family, or close to you, admires something out loud, if it is in our hearts, we [I]give[/I] it to them. I think, in a way, this prevents envy, jealousy and coveting. If we know this is cultural, then we are careful with our words, and how we speak of other peoples things. It is an interesting concept. There is so much to be read in between the lines of actions and words. We say "Make yourself at home." But, really we mean, be comfortable while you are here, not "take the best of what I have". If M's sister, did take the little iron, this is not right, but you do not really know if this is so? So silly, if she did, when you go to her house, she would have to think of it, and hide it. This is sad, isn't it? Like my mother, searching for her bracelet, that my sister took. I really think mom suspected Attilla all along, and used me as the go-between (I must be Switzerland, then) to seek it out. She was treading softly. Huh. She was giving my sister a chance to come clean, without drama and accusation. The relationship is preserved. Attilla had to think of her action, and hopefully, learn from her trespass. Drinking expensive Scotch, or malt, may be her way of saying, "how wonderful, that you are able to afford such things, I am making myself at home, thank you. How nice of you to provide this for me." So, perhaps if you are going to travel and have M's sister over to care for the dogs, do not have the expensive Scotch on hand, do not have the malt. Have things there that you would welcome her to partake of. She will know of her trespass, and, perhaps do better next time. In so, you are not [I]judging[/I] her, you are using [I]good judgement [/I]in preserving the relationship. Samoan Polynesian view/Eyes wide open/ Church "Sisters" [MEDIA=youtube]Q0ghOE72vtM[/MEDIA] Smart man M, using good judgement, awareness and understanding we are all imperfect humans, the "tread softly" application. I am thinking of dragon fly spirit. Skimming the surface, a group of people made up of unique individuals, personality traits and imperfections. Deeper-[I]family. [/I]The family has much meaning for Polynesians. In watching the "Laughing Samoans" there is a long piece titled "Different Cultures", about a Samoan man with a "palangi" or white woman. It is interesting, because he is trying to explain what a Polynesian family is like in comparison to a Caucasian family. A lot of it rings true for Hawaiians. Family is everything. They are great riddlers and jokers, and if one did not know the love behind it, one would feel insulted. Hawaiians will make fun and laugh and joke, it is done well intended, but really, they are teaching with this, too. It is said, comedians are very intelligent people, they see the lighter side of life. Maybe that is key, to see the lighter side, of our FOO, or those who abused us. Would nor Viktor Frankl agree? [MEDIA=youtube]wr6itOBLVQA[/MEDIA] Yes, to believe in ourselves, and believe in others. "Crabbing". Over estimating, over rating, realists being idealists. What a concept. To recognize "the "spark" of search for meaning, to presuppose it and elicit it from others. To think that if we just recognize it- helps them become what they are in principle, capable of becoming. So instead of branding people with what they have done, or are doing, to see this spark in them. Doesn't that apply to our dcs? Not that we will go back to enabling, but instead of constant fret and worry, we see their spark, and their search for meaning? Tread softly, change the thought pattern, change the conversational pattern. For our FOO, as well. Those left of our FOO. To come to find the meaning of it all, before we move on from this earthly realm. Radical acceptance, to see all things this way. To envision the spark in everyone. Wouldn't that be a peaceful ending and beginning. leafy [/QUOTE]
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